My Sis-In-Law is causing MAJOR Marital Problems!! HELP!!?

Question

My sis-in-law hates me. No one knows why. She is spiteful, rude, obnoxious, & a royal B!T#$, for lack of better words. I’ve never had a prob with anyone. Until now. She has been a B#$%@ to me ever since day one. I don’t know if it is a racist thing as I am white & my hubby & his family are Hispanic. There have been SEVERAL arguments all where I have been the bigger person & apologized just to smooth things over (see my other question). She even showed her @.$.$ @ our wedding. I was pissed, why on they day of our wedding?? BTW - She is 31 yrs old & I am 22. So the good person in me sends her a Mother’s Day Card just to get all of this passed us. But what does she do?? She makes childish comments on her myspace about the dresses I picked for the wedding. WHAT IS HER DEAL?!?!?! My hubby is FED up. He got pissed @ her like always, but when he takes up for me & yells @ her, he takes it out on me. He makes me feel guilty about getting upset by the things she does!! He told me that he is loosing his whole family & makes me feel like it is all my fault – AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT I HAVE DONE TO HER!!! I have tried probably more than 4 time to make amends with her, but she ALWAYS comes up with SOMETHING to cause a scene.

So HUBBY & I got into a big argument b/c he said he is loosing his family b/c he has been taking up for me. I told him if he doesn't want to take up for me then why is he?? He said he knows that I am right, but it is just killing him that we can't get along. I don't know what to do -- Should I let her win & tell him he doesn't have to argue anymore for me. He even said that he is just really tired of it & if he hears about it again he will most likely leave. Do I spare him the agony & let him go, b/c I GUARANTEE she will come up with SOMETHING ELSE – She is just a drama queen!! HELP PLEASE!!! I don’t know if she is just jealous cause we didn’t get married cause we had kids (as she did), or b/c we just bought a house & work really hard @ having nice things????!!! Sometimes I just feel like leaving him so that he won't have to deal with all of this... For his sake...

We live about 1-1/2 hrs from her. She puts stuff on myspace in regards to me just to push my buttons. I dont' hardly see her & when I do she has her nose in the air or says bitchy crap just to get attention (even though she is a ghetto fabulous trashy B$%CH). I don't know if she is just jealous b/c she lives so far away & no one really pays her any attention anymore (ex: she already had her time in the limelight - Marriage, kids, etc...). Nothing else to go "Oh look @ Her"!!

Answer 1

First of all she is the problem with herself, you need to ignore her comments and jealous ways. Best thing to do is be the bigger person and keep your self respect and relationship with your husband and in laws the same and change how you handle the sister in laws because changing the sister in law will never happen. . In laws are generally thought of as being problematic, I think its just the transition of culture and class. Family is the ultimate force. Do not be deterred by rude remarks. Keep your head up and say I am not getting in this with you now or ever..as far as your concern the matter is over and life goes on. Let the in laws eventually come up to speed and mature means to maybe getting along for sake of their brother and your husband. Good Luck. Just my perspective.

Answer 2

I am sort of in the same boat. I am getting married and my hubby's brother is getting married two months later. I do not get along with the other girl. In fact, I can't really even talk to her. She is always causing drama and for some strange reason seems to be stealing wedding ideas. Then if I ask her about her wedding she gets defensive. It has take a long toll on the family and everyone seems to be fighting at one point or another. On top of that there is the 3rd brother who has a girlfriend that is jealous that she is not getting married. So she makes all sort of comments and they constantly pick on me. I have decied to smile, keep my mouth shut and nod. What else can I do, everytime something happens both girls point the finger at me. I have given up on dealing with them. When I see them I say hi, but I have no desire to make friends with them anymore. We do this everytime. So my only suggestion is, ignore her. If she knows she is getting to you, then she is winning her game.
Good luck!

Answer 3

If you two are not religious, this is the time you should be.

The Bible tells us, when we marry to leave our families and cling only unto our spouse. You two are a family unit now.
He and his sister are siblings only. You are his other half.

When ugly things are said or done. Turn your back on the situation and refuse to get involved in a fight or disagreement. Politely disengage.

It will be up to your husband to step up and cling to you and your children. Words are just words and trust me most of them are not even important. All of you need to disengage and bring peace to your own lives. Stop discussing and arguing about trivia.

No body gives a darn about what she says about the bridal party dresses. Most of them are not that attractive anyway.
So get over it. Let go of the past.

Example: My brother got mad at me just after our Mother died on August 6th, 1998. We have not spoken nor seen each other since. All families are not close and warm and fuzzy. It is just a fact of life.

Cling to your husband and children, and your family so the children are involved with an extended family, but do not bring ugliness into your life and keep it there.

Moreover do not ruin your marriage over a fight with someone he loves. Let him see his sister. Just you stay home. Latino families are very close and she probably feels like you stole he brother. If you do not quietly let him have his relationship with his sister, you will force him to make a choice you may not like.

Good Luck.

Answer 4

This is a tough one. All I can say is YOU ARE your husband's family now and he needs to understand that. He needs to straighten it out an tell her to back off and if not he will cut ties with her. It's a sad situation, but someone has to take a stand and it needs to be him since you have been bending over backwards for this twit and she is not easing up. I suggest removing her from your friends list on myspace so she can't post any more of her venom.

Take care dear and good luck with this.

Answer 5

Sounds like a very tough situation. Not knowing you or the sister in law I can't say a whole lot on the matter but I can say that your husband needs to realize that "you" are his family now. When he said I do, it was unconditional. It would be very tough on him to have his family relationship strained, but if he knows you are in the right then he has to do what's right and stand by you. I'm afraid the problem with your sister in law is more of a problem with your husband. He needs to get his priority's straight. I'm not saying he's a bad guy he just needs to make a very tough and perhaps painful decision. I'd just ignore your sister in law in the future. No need to be rude but it seems like every attempt you make to made things right just gives her fuel for the fire.

Answer 6

It's a complicated situation. Your husband is also stuck in between emotionally. He doesn't know what to do. Here is what you need to do:
Start inviting her over to every event, every chance you get. Whatever she says just smile. Do not respond at all. But keep inviting her over. It's going to freak her out. When she gets to your house find an excuse to leave. Go shopping or something. Throw surprise parties for her. You see she wants to control your life. You do the same to her. Start controlling every aspect of her life until she is fed up. Plan all her parties. Get involved with everything but do not respond to her obnoxious words. Just smile and ignore it. Show your husband that you are really trying to help her. Once she freaks out, just step back. Keep smiling.
Hope this helps.

Answer 7

She's jealous of you, nothing more. A good friend of mine had this problem with the sister of her bf of almost 2 years. She actually ended up breaking them up (though they are trying to work things out). He needs to be his own man and not listen to anything she says-because it can cause serious problems. Other than that, be polite at family gatherings, and nothing more. She obviously is not going to accept you and be an adult about things, so you just have to do your best to not let her antics bother you.

Answer 8

The problem isn't the sister. The problem is that you are on the computer reading her MYSpace instead of concentrating on more important things, like making your marriage work. If you didn't read what she wrote, you wouldn't be upset, your husband wouldn't be upset and you could make your marriage a happy one. You are obsessing over his sister's admittedly bad, bad behavior. But, just because she is immature and angry that her brother married you, doesn't mean you should apologize OR sink to her level. Avoid her. Tell your husband that to solve the problem of his sister, you will not speak of or to her again until she grows up and can be polite and civil to you. He should mean enough to you to make getting along with his family a priority, but if you just can't get along with her, avoid her; Don't go to any party where she is in attendance. That said, I think your husband is a major problem, too. He is married to YOU. His sister is now in the backseat....or should be...for him. He should always support you, and he should tell his nasty sister that if she causes any more problems he will not visit or see her again, either. He needs to tell her he has chosen to marry you, he loves you, and she can respect you or get out of his life. You need to hold your head up, ignore this sister's writings (don't read them!) and if she talks nasty to you, ignore that and walk away. If she can't get you to take the bait, she'll eventually give up trying. Age has nothing to do with maturity.

Answer 9

Short answer -

Nothing short of electroshock therapy or a lobotomy is going to make her change - so live with it. that's the way she is.

Making your husband go and fight with her to "prove he loves you more" is just p(ss(ng him off. Most guys don't want to be in the middle of a catfight. Similarly, if her parents see them fighting now, they'll blame you - after all, she's their daughter. Ditto for the rest of his family.

So I suggest - just ignore her. If she's that bad, I'm sure most of the family and friends know it. They just put up with it and only invite her when they "have to cuz it's family". Remember that in Hispanic culture, family counts for a lot more than in white culture.

Just tell yourself - for example - "who cares what she says about my dresses? I know what I like, I liked them, and no matter what I do she'll NEVER be pleased."

Maybe you husband can tell her "that wasn't nice", but if you expect you or him to argue until she finally says "oh, gosh, i guess you were right and I was wrong..." - Guess what? Never will happen.

So if the hubby is otherwise a good catch, keep him. You know what they say "you can choose your friends, you can't choose your family". Don't go out of your way to include her in things, of course, but if it's a family event you aren't going win if you say "pick me or her; I'm not going if she does".

After all, if she says nasty things to you, you can ignore it or say something nasty back, then let it go; if you go looking at her MySpace, it means you're looking for trouble you don't have to have. If someone tells you about such things, just say "I expect that from her" and say nothing more.

Maybe if she sees she's not getting to you, she'll ignore you and pick on someone else.

Answer 10

First off she is jealous. That is her only way to show it. Is to make a scene evrywhere you are. Plus that's how hispanic people are most of the time especially cause of sibiling. My husband is mexican and I'm white. She will gete over herself one day until then ignore her. She is mad because you and your family are more ahead of her. Is she single with kids? She probaly wants to be married also. Was she in your wedding? She might be mad also because she didn't help with the picking of the dress's. Good luck with her. Just tell your husband not to stick up for you no more. When he doesn't say anything yo her she will get sick of people not paying attention to her.