I just can't get enough abuse, help me?

Question

Sigh

Deep within my bleeding heart
Stranded by the hold of fear
Agony takes a final role
Sipping the dew of tears
Thorns and rites idols of false
Tearing apart the skin of lust
Forever still but never born
Broken by the final quest
Vanity, silent choir spreading lies
Vanity, fallen shrine of muted sighs
Surrender, dance and cry
Their tormented eyes percieve
Grasps of fright, lusters crawl
Tarnished grounds of faded beliefs.

Answer 1

Sounds like your hurting man. I like how you described your pain.

Answer 2

Do you want me to critique it or add?heres a critique:That was AWESOME!!!I'm a poet too, so my critique does count. I don't think you should add to it. A poet never thinks shes done a good job, but you can safely say that about yours.I Liked it. Here's one of my poems,

Wild, wild hair

When i woke up this morning,
when I got out of bed,
Instead of my face,
I saw a furrball instead!
I ran for a comb, I ran for a brush,
But when they saw my hair,
Boy did they fuss!
I glanced at my clock;its 8:25!
I gotta leave now to get to school on time!
When i got to school, much to my dismay,
Everyone saw
My bad hair day!
Ashley shrieked;Mia covered her eyes,
Suzana shrieked,
Much to my surprise.
I ran to my homeroom,
I sat down really nice,
But when my teacher saw me,
She did a double take;twice
I searched my pack for a comb and a brush,
But this time, they didn't fuss.
I combed, and teased, and,"WOW!" I say
"My tamed hair is here to stay!"
From all my friends, I get and OK sign
My bad hair day turned out just fine.
So if you wake up; and you're in a rush;
Just remember to bring a comb and a brush,
'Cuz you have 'Wild,Wild, Hair!"

(Did I mention that's copyrighted by me?)
I hope you like the additional poem!

Answer 3

Very good. Why do you want or need abuse? If you mean emotional or verbal abuse, get to know the Alford family, and you'll get it, wether directly or not. But like I said, that is a very good poem.

Answer 4

you may want to rethink "sipping on the dew of tears". I understand where you're coming from because I also write poetry, but that just doesn't sound right because tears don't have dew, just a thought.

Answer 5

I advise u to continue writing, you r great poet. After Reading that I think my heart is bleeding too

Answer 6

You sound a little sad, that's a good poem. Maybe a fun night out with some friends is in order?

Answer 7

Wow, anabell was correct. here i was trying to offer some unbiased, honest help on writing. i'm going to have to alter my advice to: if these are subjects you feel you honestly relate to, then find your own words for them. if you want to be a writer, then by all means, learn the craft and work with your own words to say what you desire, but your own words, its really unfair to put work out there that is in the words of another and present it as your own.

Answer 8

Wait . . . what? You want MORE abuse? Whoa. I don't have any advice for you, except to stop abuse. To stop abusing yourself, I suggest you talk with your friends, reassess your priorities, rediscover how wonderful life is, and eat some chocolate.

Answer 9

I honestly don't understand what you are asking... did you write the poem? Are you being abused or is that the name? I'm comfused.. maybe you you should add to the question so we can help you...

Answer 10

UR A WONDERFUL POET BUT IF U R REALLY BEING ABUSED U NEED TO GET OUT WERE EVER U R AND IM NOT KIDDIND THAT IS DANGEROUS AND DEATH RISKING U NEED TO CALL SOMEONE

Answer 11

Very poetic. You are very talented.

You would be great as a writer, poet, songwriter, lyricist, or actor.