If your husband talking on the phone with a woman but this woman is just a friend, will you be angry?

Question

You know definetely this woman is his friend because she is almost 20 years older than your husband . The thing is, of course I don't mind if she call my husband but once this lady calling, she will talk between 1-2 hours. She is a single parent so I know maybe she needs somebody to talk to. My husband is a very good listener, so that's why. She doesn't really call that much, like once in a month. but still, I'm not really happy when she call my husband. Could I tell her not to talk to my husband on the phone for a long time? Because my husband also has things to do not only to listen to her complaints/story.

Thanks all for answering (except the one who called me "control freak". I feel much better now and I think I know what to do.

Answer 1

Honey: I feel for you and I agree that this is not proper. I believe that this lady is needy for attention and some support, whether it be financial or emotional and your husband is nice to want to help her, but this sounds a bit exaggerated and it needs to be curbed or stopped. I would have a serious talk with your husband and simply tell him that it is not proper for him to be chatting for so long because it gives the appearance that he is cheating on you. Being a nice guy is nice, but a married man must guard against giving the wrong impression, specially to his wife. Tell him that ten minutes is enough and if that woman doesn't get the hint, then the chat must end for good. I wonder if he has some kind of crush on this chic? I would ask. After all, you are the wife and his attention belongs to you.
That, my dear, is the long and short of it.
Mr. M on "husband."

Answer 2

Under those circumstances, I might be a little irked, but not a lot. That said, you are being mad at the wrong person. Your husband is equally complicit in this situation, and it is wrong to just blame her. You need to talk to HIM and tell him not cut off the calls sooner. A better idea, however, would be for you to take on this friendship as well. If she is so desperate for friendship, why don't you reach out an open hand and do your duty as a good person? If she is lonely, why destroy her friendship, especially if she only calls once a month. Let your husband talk a little, but then you talk to her. If you find she is a willing friend, then great! Nothing wrong with a new friend, and now YOU are in control of how long she talks. If she is not interested, then you'll know her intentions are not pure. Then you can talk to your husband about cutting this woman off.

Answer 3

If it's only like once a month and you don't think anything is happening, I don't see a problem. It's only 1-2 hours a month, so why let it get to you. Would it get to you if it was a man he was talking to for a couple hours on the phone? I wouldn't stress too much over this. If you think something fishy is going on then ask her not to call, but if you really believe it's just an innocent friendship, let it go.
I wouldn't care if it's like the situation you describe. Now if she was calling every day or 3-4 times a week, then I would have a problem, but 1-2 times a month, I don't care.

Answer 4

Personally, I wouldn't be angry. If your husband doesn't want to talk to her, he should tell her. Maybe he feels like he's doing a good deed by listening to her & helping her with her problems.

If he was volunteering at a shelter or as a counselor would you feel the same way? Probably not. It's the intimacy of the phone, and their conversation, that is bothering you. Don't even think about it. After all, your husband is taking these calls in front of you. He's not hiding anything. Once a month is nothing.

Answer 5

It doesn't seem like a big deal if it's not that often. And I wouldn't be so sure there isn't more going on JUST because of the age gap...you never know, just saying. I would express to the concern to the spouse & let them handle it. He can cut it short if it's a problem. If my dh treid to limit my phone conversations with friends once a month I might have an issue with that. You say you don't mind that she's calling...but then you say you're not happy she's calling> Hmmm... I think you have issues with it & need to talk to him about it

Answer 6

I wouldn't be angry but if your husband is willing to sit there believe me she'll be willing to talk. He just needs to learn how to wrap things up if he has things to do. Maybe start emailing instead of calling and staying on the line for hours. Or call twice a month so she doesn't have so much information to relay in each call.

Answer 7

Yes!

I have a question for you.

Have you met his friend?

You need to if you didn't. Even though she is
almost 20 years older, she is still single. Why
can't she talk to someone else instead of your husband.
There are other people out here that is not married that
are very good listeners.

If you are getting a bad feeling about this, then you
need to talk to your husband about it.

Good Luck

Answer 8

Interest can happen between any age! Since you feel as you do. I would suggest she speaks with you instead of your husband or not call at all. How does he feel about this? Does he seem bothered? Most men do not want to be bothered with a female taking up his time unless there is a interest? How did this get started? I would do my best to prevent this from reoccurring in the future. Certainly she has others she can turn to. If not advise her to go to counseling if she needs to reach out to someones husband. I say nip it now. It would be interesting to see if she is willing to speak to you instead, for the same amount of time, and once a month. Hmmmmmmmm.

Answer 9

Ok personally, I'll air my concerns to my husband, so he's aware of my feelings, w/c I believe he is entitled to know. Second, since you're a woman too, don't you think it would be best if YOU're the one who's talking to her about those matters and not your husband ??? Unless you're hub is a professional counselor or something but if it's not his capacity, then why not just offer her yourself for a woman-to-woman talk. It's kinda strange for a woman to disclose her private emotions to another guy w/o the possibility of getting emotionally close let alone a married man! And from what I've known, most men and women who confide to each other about their personal dilemmas END UP falling for each other and consequently commiting infedility w/c they could've prevented had they known their boundaries and respect the sanctity of their own marriage. Hope that helps, that's me speaking personally.

Answer 10

I would be fine with it since it isn't everyday. It is only once a month. Alot happens in a month to talk about so I would be just fine. Plus like you said it is just a friend so you have no worries about that. Just let it be otherwise it may make you look jealous or not trusting of him.