My husband told me about 6 months ago that when we first started dating, but after he told me he loved me, that he almost cheated on me. He was there with the girl, both naked, but for whatever reason he couldn't go through with the act. I am releaved that he didn't go through it but it makes me think differently about everthing the has happened with us. We have 4 beautiful children and other than this the best marriage. I think if we were just dating and he hadn't told me he loved me at the time then I could better get over it but it's not the case. I just wish he wouldn't have told me at all so my memories could be happy one's.
2007-05-16 09:41:07 · 26 answers · asked by milla212004 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Whenever you think about it, remind yourself that he stopped because he loved you. I'm not sure why he had to bring it up now though. Don't let it ruin your happy memories. Those happy times were still happy times. I know it's hard to do, but try to put it behind you. You said you have had a great marriage and ultimately that is what matters. This thing that happened my have been the thing that made him realize just how much he loved you and it may be why he is such a good husband to you. He knows he almost did something that could have ruined it. This happened before you were married. If he didn't truly love you, he would have wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, and he wouldn't be a good husband.
If my husband came to me with something like this, I know I would be shocked and hurt, but I would like to think that what we have now is important and good enough for me to get past it. I wouldn't want to throw away everything we have together because of something that happened before we got married.
2007-05-16 09:52:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The key is that this happened when you first started dating, and (since you have 4 kids) i'm assuming you've been together a long time.
The fact remains that while he almost cheated on you, he didn't go through with it. Obviously he knew it was wrong and knew he would regret it because he realized that building a relationship with you was worth more to him than a night with someone else.
Everyone makes mistakes; the important part is learning from them (which it sounds like he did). From what you mention about this being the best marriage and how you were happy, have 4 wonderful children, etc.... that shouldn't change because he admitted something to you from a long time ago that he didn't even follow through with.
I understand you may be startled by his revelation and also may be hurt, but I hope you are able to forgive him and move on.
Good luck!
2007-05-16 16:51:10 · answer #2 · answered by sme 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's worse that he almost cheated on you AFTER he told you he loved you. I am also dealing with betrayal by my husband. He says he didn't cheat either that it was just conversation but I don't trust him now. We also have children that is the only reason I am staying. It is going to take along time to rebuild trust, I still haven't been able to do it and it's going on 8 months. My husband is OK when I bring the situation up and he lets me talk about it but he still will not give me a reason why and that's what is hard for me. It does feel better to talk about it with your spouse so I hope he will be OK with that. Your husband should be open to your feelings. We can forgive but we will never forget. I still haven't told my husband I forgive him. Everyone tells me to go to counseling but we can't afford that right now. If you can go to counseling I would strongly recommend it. Good Luck.
2007-05-16 16:56:41 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really have the "best marriage" don't ruin it by something that never happened. First of all, the two of you had just started dating so he had no obligations to you anyway. It was in the past, leave it there and move on. This doesn't have to be a memory, forget it and only keep the memories that matter.
2007-05-16 16:45:05 · answer #4 · answered by PhantomRN 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW!... That whole "get over it", is easier said than done, I know. I've been involved in similar situations... Its hard for (ME) to believe as a human being that he didn't do ANYTHING with her, but as a wife, I can understand where you might be able to believe him, or want to at least. He would've been better off not telling you because now you wonder what's he doing everytime he's late from work, or why he's not answering the phone when you call him. Understand his honesty, but I think he had a guilty concience (sp?) and now your the one left with the resentment and hurt. IMO, he shouldn't have told you. Now you have mind games going on. Good Luck.
2007-05-16 18:31:09 · answer #5 · answered by Patricia P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you forgive him. Just try not to think about it because he came clean and it could have been worse. It will be better for you to not bring it up or think about it. If it is still on your mind maybe vent to someone close to you if possible, but don't bring it up with him because it will probably start fights. It is in the past now so try really hard to move on and look at your beautiful family. It's all about your future now not the past.
2007-05-16 16:46:19 · answer #6 · answered by Diane S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ohhh, I'm sorry honey, it is very disheartening when you feel that what you have experienced was false. But It was good he told you, My guess is that he does love you, he wouldn't respect you enough to tell you if he felt otherwise. Just remember what you are feeling now will pass and there will be plenty of happy moments after this and those will have no secrets behind them! Good Luck.
2007-05-16 16:47:15 · answer #7 · answered by juggalizzle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For goodness sake, Milla! You have been married for years and years, and your husband tells you about something that occurred in the distant past and you stress about it? That's crazy! You going to let it ruin your marriage and wreck the lives of your children? You need to keep things in perspective a little bit. Why not forgive him in your heart and let it go? If you don't it is going to eat you up and ruin everything.
2007-05-16 17:05:31 · answer #8 · answered by John Timothy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not one of those people who thinks that a spouse needs to know everything. After all, this happened before you were married. My guess is, your spouse was feeling guilty & wanted to unburden himself. He should have done that to his pastor or to a counselor. He should never have told you this b/c, after all, he didn't go through with it.
You will put this behind you & you will be able to move on. After all, he didn't go through with the act. Maybe a marriage counselor can help you to forgive him & move on.
Best of luck!
2007-05-16 16:47:34 · answer #9 · answered by retropink 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to just be thankful he didn't go through with it and focus on that. Why stay focused on the negative, what good comes out of it. Be happy he ultimately chose you and you have a beautiful family together.
2007-05-16 16:45:04 · answer #10 · answered by Luv2RIDE 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋