Ladies, I'll try to make a long story short. My dh & I have been married 5 years, together 7. We were close friends before dating and knew almost everything about each other. We got together at a friends wedding reception when he was with a really slutty chick and I pulled him aside and told him he could do so much better than that and expressed my feelings for him. Until now this has been our romantic "story" of how our relationship began. Last week though we were joking around and he admitted to sleeping with her that same night.
It seems ridiculus to be jealous about this since he married me and we now have a 3 year old son. However, I am litterly physically ill about the fact that had I known about this I would not have dated him 7 years ago. I feel betrayed that this lie (and he lied about it all these years--I asked a long time ago) almost like it happened a month ago, as he claimed to have "feelings" for me at that time.
How would others feel and what would you do
2007-05-16 09:10:55 · 41 answers · asked by monkey mom 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I guess I should clarify--the slut was not his date or girlfriend at any time, she was simply an aquaintence that happened to be there. Also, he brought this up in a joking way during a light conversation while driving last week-no fighting involved. Finally, before the night in question he had expressed feelings for me too, we were very much emotionally involved at that time (e.g. we were engaged 3 months later). I"m not saying he "cheated", I'm just wondering if others would be hurt in the same situation and what they would say to their partners to get it off their chests. Thanks.
2007-05-16 10:57:08 · update #1
I would be pissed and hurt for awhile, because I can be emotional like that. I might even pick a fight about it. Then I would realize I was being stupid. And apologize about 3 days or so later when I got up the nerve to admit I was being stupid. Thats honestly what would happen if it was me :)
2007-05-16 16:49:28 · answer #1 · answered by **0_o** 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let me make this clear for you.. He didn't do anything wrong.. He had no committment with you at the time, you were a great smile and someone that showed him he didn't need a slutty girl in his life, but he did have a slutty girl in his life, so he took advantage of the situation at hand.. He didn't do anything wrong.. Now since a relationship started with you after that, why would he want to tell you he slept with someone you didn't approve of.. He lied because you made it clear what you thought of the girl.. Get it?????? You are the one that said he could do better, so why would he omit sleeping with her to you.. Its like fat girls and mopeds.. both fun to ride, but you wouldn't want to get caught on either one.. (sorry for the bad taste analogy). He chose you and ended the relationship with her way way back 7 years ago.... Please don't be mad at him, don't hold it against him that he didn't tell you about sleeping with a "slutty girl" as you called her... Would you omit to sleeping with a guy to him that he told you was a loser?? You would feel embarrassed a bit, RIGHT?
So give him some slack, love him and no need to even forgive him for being a single guy with a slutty girl one evening, long time ago, before you were a couple....
Get it????
2007-05-16 11:23:51 · answer #2 · answered by Vindicatedfather 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok you can't say that you wouldn't have dated him if you had known! Because, on some level I am sure you already knew, you said she was a slut, that is what sluts do! If you guys have been together and happy for 7 years let it go, there isn't anything to dwell on cause you weren't together yet. I know it probably hurt to hear him say the words, but if he isn't cheating on you with her now, I would let it go. BTW, were you guys arguing when he told you? Seems like a strange thing to admit to after 7 years unless he was trying to upset you. If you were arguing it is possible he was just running off at the mouth. GOOD LUCK. and LET IT GO! ;-)
2007-05-16 09:50:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have ZERO, and I mean ZERO reason to be upset and to consider that this would have been a deal breaker had you known is quite ridiculous.
The dude was attending a wedding reception with a date that you did not approve of?
It matters not that you made some declaration of love. To think that he had a slutty date and was not going to avail himself of the opportunity was and remains unrealistic.
You have been together 7 years since that and still cannot let it go? What's wrong with you?
Were you a virgin when you got married?
2007-05-16 10:15:23 · answer #4 · answered by Flagger 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He was with the "slutty chick" at the wedding. So the SC was his date for the evening.
You told him at the same wedding that you had feelings for him. This aroused his interest, and I assume that the two of you made a date for the next day or a few days later. Fine.
But he was still with the SC for THAT day. I assume that after they left the wedding, the SC expressed an interest in having sex with him. And he obliged.
At that point, the possibility that he would end up having a serious relationship with you was still ONLY a possibility.
When guys are offered sex, their natural inclination is to accept, even when it comes -- sometimes especially when it comes -- from a "slutty chick". (We guys are jerks. Some of us are pretty NICE jerks, but yeh, we're all jerks, especially when it comes to sex.)
He did NOT, at that time, owe you any fidelity. He was free to accept, or turn down, sex with the SC. It wasn't, at that point in time, any responsibility to consider your feelings in making that decision.
If he'd slept with the SC after starting to date you, you'd have some reason to be upset. But not in the situation as you describe it.
2007-05-16 09:32:19 · answer #5 · answered by Bruce A 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well- he wasn't with you at the time that he slept with her. He was with her still before he hooked up with you- why is this bothering you?? it shhouldn't bother you. I think ur overeacting and should brush it off as if it were something that happened in his past. Everything from the moment ur relationship started counts to now anything before that doesn't matter - it becomes part of the past and you shouldn't use that against him like if he cheated on you. I would let it go if I were you because the only thing that should matter to you now is that u are now married & have a child with him. don't feel threatened by anyone or anything. If he loves you and wants to be with you he will stick around and if he doesn't he would find ways to get out of the marriage to screw around with other people. You didn't mention any trust issues in the relationship so- let it go. If he didn't tell you it's because ut's none of your business as it belongs to his past. You are now his present and that matters nothing else!
2007-05-16 09:24:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You need to get over it. He did not cheat on you then because he was still with the other woman. Afterall, he is married to you now and he must love you. Remember, you had told your husband that the woman was a slut. That's what most sluts do. Your husband should never have told you anything and just kept his past life to himself. Some things are better left unsaid.
2007-05-16 09:29:30 · answer #7 · answered by Nancy M 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dont let this bother you now. You said it, he chose you and married you. That was so long ago dont let it affect your marriage. Did he really mean it or did he just say yes since you asked him about it again? Talk to him about it and tell him how hurt you feel and he should have told you 7yrs ago. He most likely slept with her that night since drinking may have been involved and she was his date and she was slutty and hes a man. Just move past this and enjoy your family.
2007-05-16 09:28:01 · answer #8 · answered by llexiann30 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Slutty chicks are for sex, others are for marriage. I would be a little ticked that he lied about it since you did ask, but he was dating her at the time, regardless of him expressing "feelings" for you so really YOU were out of line. You need to let it go and move on. That was 7 years ago, I'm sure you have more things to deal with/worry about at this point in life.
2007-05-16 09:23:36 · answer #9 · answered by Brandy 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Just chuck it all up to bad timing. After all a man's gonna be a man. It was all before he even knew he wanted to make a commitment to you. At least you found your true love. Just be happy with what you've got. In case you don't know, .... It's a hubby who feels that he can tell you anything. Trust me, you don't want to loose that. Pick your fights. This is not one of them.
2007-05-16 09:27:15 · answer #10 · answered by shellysd 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋