I have 4 kids and 1 of then does not live with me he lives with my mother I have custody of him. Now I have 3 other children and they all have the same Dad and they all live with me! I want their dad out of the house he has no job and he watches the kids. I am tired of him living off of me! He thinks that i am a bad mom cause my oldest does not live with me! What am i suppose to do! I want out so bad!! I have a good job, my own car and I rent the house we live in. Is there any chance that he would get the kids? He has not worked in 9 years what can i do? He is very intimidating. And i am afraid to leave he has said somethings to me that are not so nice. I just want out of this crappy relationship that has been suffocating me for 5 years now!!
2007-05-16 09:06:40 · 13 answers · asked by jj&jslt 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
By the way we are not married we have however been together for 9 years
2007-05-16 09:40:44 · update #1
Since you have a good job. There should be no problem for you to go and talk to a lawyer for 30 minutes to an hour which is suppose to be free the first consulation. Since he doesn't have a job and you are not married that's enough for any judge to consider that you should have custody of the children and by the way if you are a good mom that shouldn't be a problem for the other child unless the child doesn't want to come and live with you.
Seek Jesus for all of your answers and always pray. If you don't want to be in an relationship then you should hurry and do something about it. I will definitely pray for you and your family even the boyfriend that doesn't work and that's he's continuing to leave off of you freely. No Way. He needs Jesus in his life first of all and all the rest will fall in order.
God's Blessings
2007-05-24 05:24:17 · answer #1 · answered by margoretewhitfield 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is even a half-decent father, I would stick with him and try to figure out why you find him intimidating. I don't find the word 'abusive' anywhere in your question.
Your husband may think you're a bad mom because he thinks your son is not getting a good upbringing living with your mother. You son could be resentful, could have the makings of being a real bundle of trouble - all because he knows he's out of your influence and may feel you don't love him.
I have know way of knowing since I don't know the ages of your children - but if you haven't encountered a teenage boy simmering with resentment, you are one extremely lucky mother.
Your husband may be trying to tell you that it's a dirty job but not a job for a grandma while mom is still around and kicking!
Your husband has no job and he watches the kids. What's wrong with you, woman! Do you live in the Stone Age, when the parental work of taking care of a family was considered 'no job'? If you were a guy writing about how his live-in girlfriend stayed home with the 3 kids and it burns his butt that she has 'no job', there'd be 400 angry answers to your question telling you to catch a clue and grow up!
So, no, I don't think your husband has 'no job'. You work and you pay the rent and you have a car. All he does is take care of your kids - what a joy that must be!
Yes, I'd worry about your concerns as a parent, too, since there don't seem to be any in your question. What are you going to do - throw him out (the father of the kids) and bring some new guy in who will work so you can stay home? I mean, if that's not the case, what the heck are you going to do with the kids? Give them backpacks, send them out on the streets and tell them to come home after sundown? I assume there'd be at least one preschooler getting lost in the streets that way.
No, you are complaining about some 'not so nice' things he has said to you. You want out of this crappy relationship - but there are no free rides in this life. You had three kids and you didn't require marriage. Now you require, of all things, a working boyfriend, since this one is a leech to be babysitting his own kids and raising them while you go out and work.
Count your blessings. You are luckier than most who have 4 kids from two dads and still have your children being supervised by family - in this case, their father and grandma!
2007-05-23 09:44:47 · answer #2 · answered by kathyw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, common law marriage no longer exists in Michigan. First, the court will establish paternity.
Second, the court will determine who gets custody using many factors, such as who provides most of the care, who provides financial support, is alcohol/drugs/abuse involved, etc. etc. The courts usually grant full custody to the mother and visitation to the father, but times are changing on that!
Third, you say you rent the house you live in. Does that mean he's not on the lease? If not, get a court order that will remove him from the premises.
He will have to prove he can provide a home for the kids if he even wants visitation. Many guys will threaten to take the kids as leverage to prevent the woman from leaving.
If you think he is a threat, call a local shelter, take the kids with you, and get out until he's been removed.
DO NOT, under any circumstance, move out without taking the children! That will come around and bite you hard! Courts don't take kindly to abandonment, and even if you leave for a day, you technically abandoned them if you leave them in his care.
2007-05-23 20:21:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, all the posts which suggested a divorce are seriously in need of a reading comprehension class. You cannot get a divorce because you are not married.
As for the restraining order, you can certainly file for one, but from your post, there are absolutely no grounds on which to issue one.
As to the real issue, because you are not married, the three children you share do NOT have a legal father. Therefore, there is no basis to suggest you need an attorney at this juncture.
The easiest route for you to take is to move out of the apartment (as soon as possible without breaching the lease) and establish your own residence. Do not put anyone on the lease except for yourself and your children.
If your boyfriend wants to see the children he will have to file for a determination of paternity before he will be allowed to file suit for custody and/or visitation. When he does file for paternity then you need to file as your answer a custody petition.
Keep in mind that because the two of you were not married the state considers him a legal stranger to the children and he must first establish he has legal standing to petition for any rights.
2007-05-21 04:34:20 · answer #4 · answered by hexeliebe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey girl. I live in Michigan 2. This is a no fault state you can file for divorce and he would be responsible for child support and splitting everything 50/50. I went thru that a couple of years ago minus the kids. You deserve a hell of a lot better. Dont let him scare you into staying.
Contact a lawyer today... best wishes
2007-05-16 09:28:22 · answer #5 · answered by GA 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
File for divorce.Get both a protective restraining order against him and another ordering him to vacate the premises. Divorce courts usually award custody with support to the mother unless she has been ruled unfit. He has nothing to stand on to accept custody so I wouldnt worry about him getting the kids. You can contact one of the local womans help groups to assist you in getting out and away from him. Good luck
2007-05-16 09:29:17 · answer #6 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like he is playing mind games with you.If he can't hold down a job how can he take care of three kids.Of course he does a fine job now but he's not paying rent or does he have a reliable way of going or can he put food in their stomachs.you buy evrything and he gets off scott free.Kick him to the curb and find a sitter for the children.
2007-05-23 05:53:52 · answer #7 · answered by ladybyrd_20 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u will, contact a lawyer and file for divorce
he won't even get em except maybe visitation after he has a job.
and he doesn't have a job and u said that he didn't since 9 yrs ago, that means the house is more yours than his.
how is he gonna get custody with no house?
go and file divorce
2007-05-16 09:47:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can talk to a lawyer coz they know the law but i don't think he will get the kids coz he got no job to support them. About your oldest kid grandparent loves to take care of their grandkid so nothing wrong with it.he just being sarcastic..If you really want him out of your life tell him well you can't file divorce coz you aren't married.
2007-05-23 17:03:08 · answer #9 · answered by lynch63 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
contact a lawyer and make sure what you need to do you may be married but not by a piece of paper it is called comman law married and this is just like being married so get in touch with a divorce lawyer and make sure what you need to do i am sure you will get the kids if you show that you have income and he does not
2007-05-22 05:30:35 · answer #10 · answered by Gracies Mom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋