BIG PROBLEM - MY Sis-In-Law is causing marriage problems!!!?

Question

My sis-in-law hates me. No one knows why. She is spiteful, rude, obnoxious, & a royal B!T#$, for lack of better words. I’ve never had a prob with anyone. Until now. She has been a B#$%@ to me ever since day one. I don’t know if it is a racist thing as I am white & my hubby & his family are Hispanic. There have been SEVERAL arguments all where I have been the bigger person & apologized just to smooth things over (see my other question). She even showed her @.$.$ @ our wedding. I was pissed, why on they day of our wedding?? BTW - She is 31 yrs old & I am 22. So the good person in me sends her a Mother’s Day Card just to get all of this passed us. But what does she do?? She makes childish comments on her myspace about the dresses I picked for the wedding. WHAT IS HER DEAL?!?!?! My hubby is FED up. He got pissed @ her like always, but when he takes up for me & yells @ her, he takes it out on me. He makes me feel guilty about getting upset by the things she does!! He told me that he is loosing his whole family & makes me feel like it is all my fault – AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT I HAVE DONE TO HER!!! I have tried probably more than 4 time to make amends with her, but she ALWAYS comes up with SOMETHING to cause a scene.

So we got into a big argument b/c he said he is loosing his family b/c he has been taking up for me. I told him if he doesn't want to take up for me then why is he?? He said he knows that I am right, but it is just killing him that we can't get along. I don't know what to do -- Should I let her win & tell him he doesn't have to argue anymore for me. He even said that he is just really tired of it & if he hears about it again he will most likly leave. Do I spare him the aggony & let him go, b/c I GUARANTEE she will come up with SOMETHING ELSE!! She ALWAYS DOES!! HELP PLEASE!!!

Sometimes I just feel like leaving him so that he won't have to deal with all of this... For his sake...

Answer 1

You should NOT just shut up and deal with her cr**. I think you and your hubby should move away from her. Bravo for him for haveing some b***Ls. Its causing stress in the marriage though, so I vote for moving away from them. Or just removing the drama. You already know that your hubby is on your side, so as a team maybe the two of you could treat her like you would treat any annoyance. Just ignore her. If she gets really bad, then maybe his family will see just how awful she is and how you and hubby have just been trying to be civil. good luck

Answer 2

I had the same problem at first with my Sister-in-Law. She said some hurtful things to me and she made me feel like an outsider amongst the Family. But with patience, compromising and being the better person, things eventually got better. Being in the same boat once, I know how difficult and stressful these types of problems are. But you shouldn't let one sour grape ruin the bunch. Perhaps there might be some jealousy with her involved in this scenario as well. Remember, you can only do so much and you can't make others accept you if they're not willing to do so. With that in mind, if you said that you've done all that you could, then I say let things be and don't try so much. Especially if it's not returned or appreciated and realize the loss of the Sister-in-law relationship is of no other loss than hers. Concentrate on people who are with you and not against you and try to make your Husband realize that it isn't you whose causing this sense of lost family but instead his Sister. Family stands for strength, love, bonding, and support. It's a sacred unity and should be treated with the up most respect and delicacy but at the same time it doesn't mean that you should be subjected or treated as such.

Answer 3

This girl is a troublemaker and a drama queen. Instead of being happy that her brother found happiness, she is creating problems. It will never stop and your husband will always be in the middle. You have a choice - stay with him knowing you are always going to have problems or end it now. Which is probably what his sister wants and she wins - BUT think of all the aggravation you will save in your life. If he is saying that you are making him lose his family - then there will always be problems. He married you - not his sister and he needs to let her know that she is not going to come between you both. Open your eyes now before it is too late. I had an ex sister in law that acted like that - she was jealous because her younger brother got married before she did. Oh - there is one other choice - just ignore her and don't run to him with everything she says. But then you have to sit with the knot in your stomach. Not too many choices but it is a tough situation if your husband doesn't fully back you..

Answer 4

I see a huge problem here that I saw growing up in Albuquerque. The Spanish are a very tight knit group and honor their family above all rest no matter what, Since you are an Anglo,youre considered an outsider as far as the Spanish are concerned so his family will come before you. This is probably why she treats you like she does. Theyre probably slowly forcing you out. You cant win here so you just have to get tough and stand up for yourself. TheSpanish will have more respect for you if you do. They view you as weak andhiding behind your man. This is not totally your fault as it takes two to get married but he should have told you about the Spanish ways. Only you can decide what to do from here and when enough becomes enough. Good luck

Answer 5

You know, I also have problems with one of my sister-in-law, and all I do is ignore her... Let her look like the childish one and give her the cold sholder treatment. don't pay attention to her, that's what she wants and you will see that everything will turn out just fine... Sometimes it helps to be away from family relatives That way they learn to appreciate you and respect you when they see you less, If you are always over there with them or if you live with or next to them try to avoid being with them all the time. In my case we moved to get away from all the drama and know that we see each other it's a nice feeling.

Answer 6

You have to decide when you've had enough. Because it will never stop. Your hubby should be standing up for you instead of taking it out on you.

If he's that worried about his family, and you have truly done nothing wrong, I would get out of the relationship. She'll only continue to try to turn her family against you, and it sounds as though your hubby is already turning already.

Answer 7

Sounds like my sister-in-law, but not as extreme. My sister-in-law creates fights for no reason, and complains about me to my husband. I think your sister-in-law, like mine, is VERY INSECURE. Next time, just ignore her. Whatever she writes, says, just let it pass - your marriage is important, and if she is creating all that stress, it's not worth it. Your husband doesn't need to take sides, he already knows you're right and it's up to you to let it get to you or not. Just remember that she's the negative one and it's just an indication of her misery. You can't help it, she'll never change. But you can change your outlook about it and not care about the whole deal. If you really want to make her look bad, make your husband happy, make yourself happy in the marriage and be successful and joyful as you can be.

Answer 8

Next time she does something like this tell him to fix the problem right then, have him tell his sister to be civil or he wont be around her anymore..... If he does not... leave his a** for a week and then let him decide who is more important his wife or his sister......You should not have to put up with this nonsense... I don't care if they are Hispanic or not...people are people,and deserve to be treated with respect...... Make him show you who's feelings are more important.

Answer 9

What I would do is ignore her. Have your husband do the talking but ignore the rest. I know it is hard to do but if you are planning on spending your life with him then you have to stop fighting with her period. It is upsetting your marriage which may be what she wants. She is not worth causing friction in your household.
If you never acknowledge her nastiness then what can she do? Nothing. She is pushing you buttons and you are responding.
Just DO NOT respond ever again.

Answer 10

It sounds like you come second to his family, which will only end bad. In life there are some people that just refuse to get along and this girl is one of them. He needs to prioritize his relationships and have a serious talk with his sister.