funniest thing ever? 10 points for the best?

Question

funniest thing ever? make me laugh, 10 points.

Answer 1

My dog ate a used condom and my mom found it!!! Guess where it was - hanging out of my dog's butt! Embarassing!!!! I said he must have eaten it at the park!

Answer 2

There are three nuns... #1 #2 #3... the priest says that god will forgive you if you do something bad so go and do something bad. #1 goes and steals candy from a baby #2 goes and robs an bank #3 goes and comes back laughing The priest ask #1 what she did.. she told him and he said drink the holy water Then he ask #2 what she did... she tells him and he says drink the holy water Then he ask #3 and she starts laughing hard... she says she pissed in the holy water!!!!!!!! JOKE NUMBER 2 Three men are lost in a forest and see a house with smoke coming out of the chiminey.. The first guy approches the house while his other friends stay and watch.. he knocks the door and ask for food... an ugly lady opens the door and says "in order to get food you must first have sex with me" The guy says no and runs back to the group... the second guy laughs and says that he is lying and does the same thing and the lady repeats it again... He runs back to the group laughing and the third one said that he will do it jus cuz he is hungry... he knocks the door and enters.... he notices three carrots on the table... he gets and idea and said that he only likes when he does it from the back... she says okay and turns around..... he sticks the first one in and throws it out the window then smiles.... she says do it again so he takes the second carrot and does it again... then throws it out the window and smiles.... she said do it once more and you will get your food... he slowly picked up the carrot wishing it would be over.. then he sticks it in and throws it out the window and smiles... she gives him the food and then walks out... the wen he reaches the other two guys they have huge smiles on their face and shouted "DUDE THANKS... THAT WAS THE BEST CARROT AND CHEESE WE HAVE EVER HAD... WE HAVE ONE LEFT... WANNA TRY IT!!!!!!"

Answer 3

When I was 5 my parents were having a Christmas gathering and Dad had bought a case of frozen snacks. In the box was a block of dry ice, I was told not to go near it. I did not listen. It was in the kitchen sink and I wanted to pretend I was sitting on a cloud so I jumped up backwards and slipped and fell into the sink. It burnt my skirt, leotards and butt. It wasn't funny then but I think it is now.

Answer 4

Have you seen that Windex commercial where the birds ring the doorbell and while the man gets up from the patio and goes inside to answer the door, they pull the glass doors closed and he bangs into it when he goes to come back out because it's so very clean because of the Windex? The birds are killing themselves laughing and then they say "let's do it again". For some reason that thing cracks me up every time I see it.

Answer 5

I've told this story before on here but that is OK...it was actually a huge embarrassment to ME...I took my 3 year old niece to the dentist at a local college because it was cheaper and she was only having her teeth cleaned...Anyways..we was waiting to be called and there was some Mennonites(kind of like amish people) the women was wearing the prayer kapps(the white bonnets) anyways I live in the south and my grandmother uses words that are no longer around but she uses them too often in front of my neice..My neice noticed these women and said VERY loudly...Why are they wearing SNOT RAGS on their heads...I wanted to die!!!

Answer 6

We were out at the Arts, Beats & Eats festival downtown and I actually witnessed a grown man (apparently drunk...atleast Im hoping) arguing with a painting of a guy appearing to be starring his way thru binoculars. This painting was on the side of a travel building apparently he was just too drunk to notice until he sucker punched the cement wall.
It was all we could do not to piss our pants...hope it makes ya smile!

Answer 7

scene set in mid 60s,,,,,,,,,s side chgo,,,,,big street with 100 yr old wood frame mansions occupied by sister & 7 kids.age 12 to 4,eldest girl gets first job delivering papers at 4-5 am in red flyer wagon with high slats to fit stacks of newspapers,pulled with rope .tied to a schwynn bike.brother and sisters head tops and hands visible rolling newspapers with rubberband ties,passing them to sister who threwem up on porches.accompanying her in this morning routine were 2 baby bluejays inside wagon,followed by a baby chicken.and a former alleycat that walked always with an angled jump with tail sticking up,and as rear guard,an 80 lb brown haired collie mix loyal house dawg.this train left the station monday wednesday and saturday for bout a 6 month period in 66,scene woulda won a prize on afv.it was a funny sight indeed,,,,,donno if it carries over,ya hadda be there

Answer 8

we were going hunting, and there are bird all over the place. i got like twenty something, but my bud didn't get any. so I ask him, "what'n a hell's wrong wit'chu?!" "I don't know, I don't think I'm throwing the dog up high enough!" after that they neever let us back into that zoo. they even put pictures of us at the entrance for the employees to keep us out.
lol, that's just a funny joke I know. that didn't really happen.

Answer 9

My daughter had a series of nightmares when she was 4, and she was so frightened about them, she would never tell us what they were about, because she just wanted to forget all about them and wish them away.
Finally one morning I told her it might help them lose their power if she told me what the nightmares were about, and we could even pray about it together.
So very seriously she told me that in her dream there were always a bunch of "bad guys" on one side and then on HER side, there was no one. It was just her, all alone trying to fight off the "bad guys.".
It took everything in me to keep a sympathetic expression on my face as she tearfully confided a list of the "bad guys"-----
They were: the devil, Ernest T. Bass, and the Count from Sesame Street.

(I am laughing as I type this) Someday she will laugh too.

Answer 10

I have some Good Websites form Wimp for you. And Jokes

Your Momma so Old, God calls her Mother.
Yo momma so Ugly, she made an onion cry.
Yo momma so Ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Yo momma so Stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

Answer 11

My 1st grade kids use the internet once a week. There is one site we visit for educational games: funbrain.com
A few weeks ago I look over at one student's laptop only to see two scantily-clad women on the screen. When he keyed in the URL he pressed enter before he got to the i-n.
He was on the site funBRA.com!!!!!!!!!