My husbands family are very critizing and have the better than you snobby *** attuides.They are always looking down on our home,the way we raise our child,even the way that we shop,(more or less where we shop),and our friends.Anyway,I could not tell you how many times I have cried over her comments.My family whom are not so well off love my husband and would never critize anything(unless we were doing something horriable bad)I grew up in a very loving none judgement home.I can't tell with the way his family is.What would you do?
2007-05-16 08:37:43 · 15 answers · asked by what did you say 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
what I mean by him ignoring my feelings is he is so scared of his mom that he won't stand up for me.Honestly he is like a dog with his tail in between his leg when it comes to his mom
2007-05-16 08:41:37 · update #1
It has drove a wedge in our relationship(mine and my husbands)
2007-05-16 08:44:33 · update #2
she has drove me to taking anti-depression pills.
2007-05-16 08:48:14 · update #3
I would sit your husband down and tell him exactly how you feel. If you feel that you can't continue dealing with his family's behavior, then you need to let him know that you might have to end the marriage.
2007-05-16 09:46:32 · answer #1 · answered by Scott O 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mothers are one of the very important people in this world. Whether bad or good a child needs to have a huge level of respect for them. Your husband is in a very compromising position - his mother and his wife. Him not standing up for you does not mean that he does not understand what is happening. He maybe just trying to keep peace. Live with your husband in a loving manner and try to keep as much as possible from him the things that she says. You will always come across as the one who is driving the wedge and she will come out looking as the angel. Love him - once a man is truly happy there would be nothing he wouldnt do to keep that - including standing up to his mother. But when he does make sure that he does not disrespect her
2007-05-18 07:18:54 · answer #2 · answered by jodie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a very similar situation. The way I finally made it better was to stop waiting or expecting my hubby to "grow some". I really examined what issues were important ( like are they being annoying or truly destructive ?) What Im saying is PICK YOUR BATTLES with his family bc more than likely it will be you against the pack of them. And when you do pick your battle, go 100%. Stand up for yourself and your kids if its important. If its not, then let it slide. Talk to your hubby about it and let him know how it makes you feel but dont expect him to change or grow a backbone and stand up for himself or anyone else against his family, hes been programmed by these snobby idiots his whole life. good luck and blessings.
2007-05-16 09:16:51 · answer #3 · answered by undone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you want to come across those subject matters with him, perchance through a counselor if this is too complicated. each and every now and then people falls contained in the habit of getting used to that individual of their lives. i'd tell him precisely what you've basically typed the following and note what he says. perchance the rigidity of his job is preserving him from appearing sympathetic. An hour away is rather far and there is not any longer something he would have done. you sense an empty void and needs him emotionally. perchance you'll come across something to fill a at the same time as, volunteering is the astounding way. sturdy success, hun!
2016-10-18 08:22:05 · answer #4 · answered by zeckzer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, only you can let others words affect you.
If you don't like what someone says, ignore them or tell them they have their opinion and you do not share it.
Some here have told you to start making your husband chose, or grow a backbone, or take a stance aginst his mother. His mother who he will always see as his parent. Get real. The only thing that will do is cause a rift between you and him.
Support him by talking to him about your feelings, not by forcing him to make a choice between his mom (and family maybe) and you. Let him know you are going to ignore the negative things they say and only listen to the positive. That is YOUR CHOICE.
But then maybe other's words are more important to you than your relationship with your husband.
2007-05-16 08:58:16 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your husband was raised in that environment then it explains why he nervous.
I would get a marriage counselor to help strengthen your marriage and give you husband some help. Someone else to talk to.
I would also let you mom in law know you are happy, they do NOT bother you and really concentrate on what you have in your life.
Also distance yourself. Shut the ringer off on your phone at night, make time for you and him. Explain to your husband that you want to keep certain times for family, time for you and he etc. It is important for your marriage.
My husband always says that one day it will be just he and I. We are one another's family and that should come 1st. Our parents will not always be around and kids leave for their own lives so who do you have left? So our marriage is VERY important.
Don't let her ruin your life. Make a battle plan.
Good luck and I really do wish you the best.
2007-05-16 10:03:03 · answer #6 · answered by Ann 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, do not allow his family to break the two of you up because they are snobs.
The best way to deal with people like that is to speak your mind but do it respectfully. Like when they say something in regards to where you shop, politely tell them that if they would like to buy it at another store, then they are more than welcome to do so.
Do not get upset with you husband. If you guys are still doing things that his family does not agree on then it means that he doesn't care what they say either but is too afraid for some reason to say anything.
If his mom says cruel things to you, I would stay away and if she disrespects your children in anyway, I wouldn't allow her to see them either. If this doesn't work, then the best thing for you to do is to ignore it and be happy with your husband...
2007-05-16 08:59:17 · answer #7 · answered by lwheavenlyangel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your husband to grow a spine and tell his family they had better shut the HELL up about your life together and the way you lead it.
Being a snob actually stems from fear and insecurity - fear of their own shortcomings and not wanting to shop at Macy's instead of N-M, and insecurity - they feel completely unsure of themselves so they use money to try and appear 'better'. Money doesn't make assholey people be nicer or better - money just makes assholes be rich assholes.
But it's up to him to cut loose from them and stand with you. If he won't, it's going to be a deal-breaker. Life is too short for this crap.
2007-05-16 08:45:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should realize that you are the better person, and be the bigger person by not taking their comments to heart. You are obviously happy. Don't put your husband in a place to chose you or them. It will never work. The bigger person would probably talk to the family about the comments, and if that still doesn't help, don't talk to them.
2007-05-16 08:43:16 · answer #9 · answered by venedypics 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Blame his attitude on his family. They obviously screwed up in raising him, thats not his fault. Try to distance yourself from them. The farther away you stay, the less drama you have to deal with, the better off you two are.
2007-05-16 08:41:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋