My husband and I are going through a seperation. He is living in the home we bought and I have moved out. He wants joint custody of our child. But he is having a stranger move in. He placed several ads and does not even know the person moving in. We have not decided on custody arrangements for our child yet. Does anyone not agree that I should go for sole custody? I cannot stand the thought of my child sleeping in a home with a complete stranger. Who knows what their background is! Please help!
2007-05-16 08:27:00 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hmm, the kids need to have their dad in their life if he's a good guy. There are ways to get backround checks on the person moving in.
Talk it over with the ex. Let him know exactly how you feel about the whole situation.
2007-05-16 08:32:32 · answer #1 · answered by Phoenixsong 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand your chagrin at the thought of your child in the home of a stranger, but what your husband might do is run a background check on the person. If this comes back clear and shows the person is not a sexual predator or a violent criminal, you have no case in that regard. If your ex refuses to run a background check, however, I believe you would have a case against him.
A judge is really only going to deny custody if the one parent is deemed to be unfit or the environment is considered unsafe. If the father can prove that he has a safe home for the child, I doubt a judge would deny him his custodial rights.
I would suggest talking to your ex first and coming to an agreement about whether or not to do a background check. If he refuses, then take it to the court system. I totally agree that the idea of a stranger in the house is not a nice thing, but at least your mind would be at ease if a background check came back clear. I am sure you don't want your ex to not see his child - and going for sole custody would pretty much rule out the man seeing his child for overnight visits. If you can work it out - outside of the courts - that is preferable. Otherwise, it could get messy.
Best of luck, and I hope everything works out! Sounds like you are a great mother and I am sure you will make the right decision.
2007-05-16 08:35:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are 'clutching at straws' if you think you can find a judge to agree to give you 'sole custody' because you don't want your child sleepin in a home with 'a complete stranger' ... when your HUSBAND would in fact 'be there' too and should be able to 'adequately protect' you child from harm. In order to get a judgement of 'sole custody' you must be able to PROVE that your husband is a 'bad father' who either can't or won't take proper care of your child, or may 'beat' it, or you, or may 'remove it from your custody' and 'run away' and 'hide' ... and that is a very difficult thing to do. I think you really ought to just have a good long talk WITH your ex-husband, and tell him your 'concerns' about having your child spending the night with someone you 'don't know' living in the same domicile. I think that you'll see that he is either 'equally worried' about that, or hadn't though about it in those terms but is definitely 'listening' to you, or that he really DOES NOT CARE. ONLY AFTER you have done that, should you go to your attorney and 'explore the options' ... and that way you can be sure that 'what you ask for' is reasonable enough for the judge to 'agree' and grant the order for custody in your favor ...
2007-05-16 08:41:15 · answer #3 · answered by Kris L 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see your point, but I don't know that seeking sole custody is the right answer.....at least he's thinking of the kids benefit by seeking a roommate to help with expenses! You can have a background check done on the roomie.....talk to your husband and tell him your concerns...you may be getting a divorce, but you are both still parents to your children and communication regarding them is critical! Kids are also a great judge of character....maybe he should have the kids there for an interview with the potential roomie....see how they interact with them and let them help choose maybe! I mean anyone can come in and say "yeah, I love kids"...but until you see how they act around them, you have no idea they're lying!
I really don't think the courts would grant you custody based on this reason alone!! Sorry!
2007-05-16 08:35:10 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old is the child? Can you get custody and allow him generous visitation rights? If its a small child I would say that you getting custody may be best. If the child is a teenager it may not be as much an issue. Have you talked to the childs father about your concerns? No matter you and his relationship your childs well being should be #1, if its not his then you ought to think about sole custody, but he may not realize the potential risk of the situation. Tell him your concerns and see what he has to say.
2007-05-16 08:31:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who is the child living with now? If at home with the father 9 times out of 10, if he wants physical custody, he'll get it. If the child is with you, then fight for 50/50 custody. I don't think there's a court in the land who'll give a parent sole custody based on the issues you've just stated or deny that parent visitation.
2007-05-16 08:31:15 · answer #6 · answered by lwheavenlyangel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand your reasoning in not wanting you children to be sleeping in a house with people no one knows. I couldn't sleep at night worrying about my kids and whats going on. I think you need to talk to him and tell him how you feel. I think sole custody is hard on a child. But when abuse and drugs are involved a parent has to do what a parent has to do. Talk to him and try to resolve the issue and maybe ask him to reverse the roles on how he would feel if you let strangers move in and him not know what could happen to the kids... Doesn't he know a buddy that both of you know that could move in a help with the rent/house pymt???
2007-05-16 08:38:26 · answer #7 · answered by Flying w/ scissors 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, you moved out. He advertised for a renter and he can screen the renter for drug or other potential issues.
Your claim that your son sleep in a home with a stranger is groundless. Families share rental properties all the time. You have no legal ground
You didn't say whether you are staying alone or not. If you find someone, your husband will raise the same opposition.
The consequences of a divorce and separation is neither rosy nor pleasant.
2007-05-16 08:37:10 · answer #8 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you moved out with your child, you will have a better chance of getting custody. Sole custody will be tough to get unless you can prove the father is a scumbag - was in jail, unfit father, abusive, etc. The courts don't care what he is doing in his personal life, just that he is there for his child.
2007-05-16 08:34:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have good means and a safe place to live then by all means try for sole custody.
Judges typically favor the mother in custody battles. However, be aware that If your husband has a good attorney, he could still get joint custody.
2007-05-16 08:31:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you haven't already talked to your husband about your feelings , I suggest you do that first, but if you have and he doesn't see where your coming from and doesn't see it as an issue... go for sole custody! I think you are justified with your feelings, and you only want whats best for your child. Hopefully if faced with the situation, the judge will see it your way too.
2007-05-16 08:34:52 · answer #11 · answered by ajoppru 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋