I never wanted to divorce but cant see myself dealing with my husband's anger for the rest of my life?

Question

we're newly wed's and his attitudes/mood swings are sickening to me. He gets mad at the smallest things, blames his anger on me but rarely communicates to me about the problem..so I have no idea why he's mad, then he ignores me. He won't talk to me for days. He gets in bed at night and literally tries to make a barrier with the covers so that we can't touch. He's even wrestled me off of the bed before because I was touching him! We're always fighting over the smallest stuff that i never think is a big deal, but he'll be furious and hold a grudge for days. I'm tired of fighting for our relationship. I'm sick of ALWAYS being the bigger person. I'm sick of him NEVER being at fault..which makes me the one who's always wrong (in his eyes). I'm tired of crying ALL the time. He has serious issues but won't admit it. He just always tells me I have issues. My family notices his anger. There are times they don't want us around cus they know he'll eventually be mad at something. I wanna be happy.

Answer 1

Counseling, counseling, counseling. If he won't go to couple's counseling, then go alone.
And face it, there just may be a divorce in your future. No one deserves to live like this.

Answer 2

Was he like this BEFORE you married him? If so why? Being newly weds this is scary. He doesn't want you touching him? It sounds like you both need help. You need a therapist A.S.A.P. I am guessing because he won't talk to you he won't go to therapy so go by yourself. I hope his mood swings aren't violent. Be careful. It takes two make a marriage work and he wants to blame you for everything that would get on every ones nerves. No one is perfect but for him to just close off and give you the silent treatment is not going to help anything. If he won't communicate how are you supposed to work things out? YOU CAN'T without communication. Try to give him sometime to cool down after an argument and approach the subject of talking things out. Otherwise resentment will build up.

Answer 3

That one wrestling match would have been enough for me. You better run don't walk to the nearest divorce atty., you got a monster a on your hands. He'll start getting mean not wrestling but beating you, he isn't normal . He'll never get any better , just worst. Didn't see any of this before you married him , this cold uncaring attitude. Don't stay and try to change him because a leopard never changes their spots, he was born with a problem, you say you want your marriage to last, what marriage. You don't have a marriage you have a complete ruler and a person with such a problem will end up killing you. You better get while the getting good are you want have any get up left to go.

Answer 4

Ask him to go to couples counseling together. If he won't go, go to counseling on your own. Has he always been like this? Did you know he had an anger problem when you married him? You can't change people that don't want to change. If this is a recent development, he may not be happy with himself and may be open to changing. Find out if he is willing to work towards improving things, and decide whether you're willing to be supportive. Comments like "he always" or "he never" are not going to be supportive of him in the long run.

Answer 5

LOL, we're married to the same man. Just kidding, things are so much different now than they were years ago when we were first married. He's nearly an angel now. But my husband acted EXACTLY like you're describing.

It took years for me to learn how to deal with my husband's moods. In our case it stems from him being abused as a child. Perhaps this is the issue with your husband, or he could be unstable with Borderline Personality Disorder.

Its hard for a man to admit he needs help. When you talk to him, don't be confrontational. Just state your feelings. I'm not saying its going to work out...he may not be ready to be 100% honest with you about his feelings. Some men just can't be open.

Reassure him that you're not going to leave him, no matter what. That is the only thing that worked for me. I think my husband finally realized he does't have to push me away. Not saying we don't have our moments, actually having one right now, but I don't doubt we'll be together forever.

Best of luck....

Answer 6

You need to seriously reconsider your relationship with him. He needs either some anger-management help, see if that works. Surely you were at least SOMEWHAT suspicious of his actions before you got married? (doesnt make sense that he does this all the tiem now, and ddnt act like that before). If that doestn work, then yes, you need to divorce him. My ex of 8 years, (2 kids by him) was the biggest asshole in the world, and mostly it started out as verbal abuse, then he'd get mad at the smallest things, and next thin you know, I am getting the wind knocked out of me over the color of the GARBAGE BAGS (I bought the white ones instead of the bigger black garbage bags)........ stupid ****! And if you know it's dumb stuff now, it's NOT going to get better without help or at least a divorce. And if you choose to get him help, be sure to NEVER let him keep you from your family, because you dont want to only have HIM to rely on. You need your family and friends around you to monitor your situation and espectially your moods (if they really know you, they can tell something's wrong).........jsut keep your eyes open, make sure it doestn get worse, and try to get him help. If he refuses, I think you may have to go for a divorce. Sorry sweety. Hope it works out for you............

Answer 7

You want to be happy and you should be, Ugh I'm telling you ?'s like this break my heart, cuz i know what it is like to try so hard to make something so wrong work. I know what it's like to feel so tired in a relationship that you can't even find it in you to make it work...Maybe divorce is something that you never wanted to consider, but at the same time if he doesn't want to meet you half way why should you pay for the choices he can't make...I say suggest counseling, and if he refuses and that doesn't work then i think it's time you started making decisions that are going to make you happy and not make you feel so "neglected".... Whatever you decide good luck and i wish you all the happiness your heart desires....

Answer 8

You need to get out of this marriage now. If possible, move back home. Your parents will understand. Don't tell him you're leaving, because he may try to stop you. Pick a time when he's at work, or somewhere else and leave. Whatever you don't take with you, leave it there. Seriously. Get away from this man before he explodes. You made a mistake in marrying him, so accept that reality and get out now. You're dealing with an unstable man, so don't play around with this.

Answer 9

Listen, you have your whole life ahead of you, and you shouldnt allow anyone to give you such misery. Thing is, you are right, he has issues, and he needs help, and since he doesnt want to admit it,this means he is in denial, this type of behavior only get worse, if he is not beating on you yet,that will be next, It clear you are more in love than he. He must have went through some bad things, and dont know how to love, or recieve love. You have to make up your mind, are you going to spend the rest of life, with someone like this? Are you going to leave and eventually met someone who is better suit for you. Life is too short, to live it in a relationship that you are living in. I see something else going on, you need to love yourself, truly love yourself. When you love yourself, you dont put yourself through such nonsense. Surely, the signs had to be there, before you married him. Did you think you could change him? I am not trying to make you feel bad, I have made my share of mistakes, over time, I learnt, and what I know now, wished I knew then, love comes from the heart, but you have to do some thinking with your brain. This man is not gonna change, if he was, he would have been listening to your concerns. I dont know how young you are, and it really doesnt matter, thing is if you want true happiness, you have to free yourself from him, and get a restraining order, I am sure he will become more aggressive, he doesnt want to let you go, he is quite happy with the situation. He needs therapy, and he needs it soon. If he is not willing to do that, you need to seperate from him, or you will continue to suffer.
Best of luck, and do pray about this, seeking clear guidance, before it is to late.This is a clear sign of abuse. You are more important than that, and your family see it,surely it hurts them, to see what you are going through. Surely they want better for you.

Answer 10

Well you shouldn't have married him! I know good and well he didn't just "suddenly" get like this when you said "I do". He's never going to change unless you get him some medication. And if he doesn't think he has a problem and it's all you, you are in for a LONG life my dear. He sounds bipolar or something. You better MAKE him get some help or you'll have to get divorced. Really, you know in your heart you should have never married him in the first place.

Answer 11

The best advise that I can give you is to just follow your heart,my husband used to be the same way when we first got together,it has taken 3 years for things to finally get better.Talk things over with him be sturn but sensitive to him as well,let him know that if things between you guys don't change that divorce may be the result,You should never let someone abuse you mentally or physically,It took me a year to start standing up to my husband and he changed afterword,let your husband know that his behavior is unacceptable,that you didn't get married to be miserable,Be brave hunny marriage is a never ending battle and it takes hard work and tolerance on your part,Just let him know that if he wants to keep you he had better shape up or ship out.