I have been with my bf for 13 yrs and we have 3 wonderful kids together. After a "girls weekend" to Las Vegas, he started accusing me of messing around on him (which i have not done) and also being accused for over 13 yrs. Ran into old bf, spoke on the cell phone occasionally (nothing happened) and current bf found out. Now accused even more of messing around. Bf wanted to kick me out of the house,he says he is over that and now wants to get married. Should I say yes because I do love him? any suggestions
2007-05-16 08:02:42 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would wait.... and if he asks why, simply say something along the lines of, "you accused me of cheating several times, now all of a sudden you have a change of heart and want my hand in marriage? You obviously need to learn to trust me or else marriage is going to be meaningless"
good luck.
2007-05-16 08:06:49 · answer #1 · answered by Alyssa Lynn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to sit down with him and confront you concerns. Does he really need three years to finish school? Are yours and his needs; financial, emotional, sexual, and other needs being fulfilled? I also suggest that while drinking, it is a poor time to decide anything! Alcohol can effect the clear thinking processes and can make you each unable to fully understand the issues. You say you've lived together for five years so you may know and understand each other well, perhaps. If you've agreed that marriage is your goal perhaps you might put off the pressure for the moment. Most guys don't like to be pressured even though they have agreed to something. Yes, it's also getting close to your time line for having your own child but if you really love this guy you must decide whether you are willing to give up that goal or break up and find a guy who will help you have a child before your thirty. I didn't decide who I wanted to marry till I was close to graduation from college and though I had done a lot of dating I met a beautiful woman in my last year and we've been married for 30+ years. It seems that an engagement on his part wouldn't be a problem as if a change in feelings come up it can be broken. I think he doesn't want the commitment and that you and he must face this reality now! Good wishes as these relationship situations can be very difficult to deal with.
2016-05-19 22:22:14 · answer #2 · answered by johna 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK so get some couples counseling because there is obviously a communication problem here.
Lawyer. Get one. Not just for you but for your kids rights. You've been together for 13 years and have 3 kids. Some states call that common-law marriage. Other states don't recognize such unions.
Get to the bottom of the accusations. Sometimes people accuse others of doing precisely what they themselves are guilty of.
2007-05-16 08:22:51 · answer #3 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
contrary to popular belief, love does not conquer all. Why would you want to go into a marriage when there is no trust. It seems that you have a few options. Sever the relationship, go to counseling and work on the trust issues. By the way, this behavior usually escalates after marriage-there is an emotional ownership that happens because of marriage. A jealous spouse believes he/she has a RIGHT to behave in any way they please because of the marriage license.
what is purpose of marriage now? after 3 kids and 13 years?
2007-05-16 08:08:41 · answer #4 · answered by anastasia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like to me that he does not trust you after 13 yrs. and the only way he thinks that he will have you all to himself is to marry you.
He's probably hoping this will keep your ex-boyfriend from calling you. Also if you are serious about your relationship you might want to tell your ex-boyfriend to stop calling even if nothing is going on just out respect for your relationship with your current boyfriend.
Also if you feel that you want to marry him then go ahead.
Good luck.
2007-05-16 08:13:23 · answer #5 · answered by YLB31 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
13 years and no marriage? I wouldn't have lasted past the first three and definitely wouldn't have had kids under those circumstances. He's never wanted to marry you until all of sudden he thinks your unfaithful. Well, I suppose you can but doesn't it seem a tad anti-climatic? What is marrying him going to do for you at this point?
2007-05-16 08:20:41 · answer #6 · answered by dawnb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I personally believe u should agree because you guys have been together for a really long time now and you know it in your heart that no matter what happens he will always be there in your heart because it's really hard to forget people who know for a really long time. Also, if you guys already have kids and you guys know each other for so long.. then I believe u guys should get married because marriage is just a way to label you're relationship.
2007-05-16 08:07:00 · answer #7 · answered by hello 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is up to you but why after 13 years and you talking to an old bf does he suddenly want to get married. If you love him and want to marry him then good luck to you.
2007-05-16 08:07:31 · answer #8 · answered by xyz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would wait just a little while longer,because he's not over it . Because if he was why is saying you fooled around for 13 yrs. people say one thing and do the opposed just give it some more time and wait and see .
2007-05-16 08:13:13 · answer #9 · answered by Rose 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No do not marry him...he is very insecure and only wants to have a marriage license to say he owns you and there for off the market and you may not have any girls or guy friends
2007-05-16 08:07:51 · answer #10 · answered by elz98409 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋