Today my husband came by to see me at work. Everything was fine an then he tell me how horrible I look.?

Question

He said "You need to paint yourself up, you are an embarrasment. He left and I started crying. I dont have time to fix myself up anymore. My life evolves around him and my kids. I noticed the other day that as soon as I sit down for more than 2 minutes to watch a movie at home, my kids or husband call me to do something. I sometimes dont even have time to shower. I sleep at midnight and wake up at 6:30am still exhausted. I dont know to be mad at him for hurting my feelings or should I be grateful that he can be honest with me. I dont want him to cheat on me later on. I need to breathe. I feel like disappearing sometimes. I even got cancer cells a few years ago in my cervix and doctors told me to take it easy so it wont reaccur. I dont know what to do. I need to better myself before I can better my family.

Answer 1

Dear Cocoa. First, breathe. We all hit the wall. It's inevitable from the first day the first child is born.

You need to rest.

Sit with your man and tell him he was right. You really do need to take some time every day, and care for yourself.

So you are going to establish a routine of dinner, baths and homework, homework and a bath, and bed/quiet time for the kids. By 8:30 or so the house is going to be quiet. You are going to need his help from dinner til they're in bed. You do the dishes and he can start orchestrating baths and homework. It takes a couple of hours, but it is worth the eventual peace. He needs to be doing his part.

Then you are going to take a nice, hot bath, and go to bed. Tell him you know you need to rest, so you are going to do this for at least a couple of weeks. Ask if he can get the kids up and out to the park on Saturday. Tell him you just want to shower and go back to bed. Shop so that there is food he can serve them. Leave pizza money, let them have sandwiches, and cereal never killed my kids. Then bail.

When you feel human again, tell him. OMG, hon, I feel like a person again! And put your makeup on. Dress nice.

Now start eating right. Research proper nutrition and incorporate a good multi-vitamin into your diet.

Make a list of household chores and assign something to everyone. Before goodnight kisses we ask..."Did you take care of your list?" if the answer is no, then do it now, please.

You can take up to 3000 mg of C each day. This will boost your immune system. You can take up to 1000mg with each meal. Check with your doctor before you start.

You guys have been down a tough road and are still together. Let the past be in the past, hon. Someone has to look to a brighter future, and that's probably you. Get some rest, then give him a chance to catch up with himself. Things look better when they're not percieved through a fog of exhaustion. Get some rest.

Answer 2

Cocoa honey, you need to take a break. No time is going to be a "good time" to take a break. Just look at the calendar and say "these three days" and then tell work, husband and kids that you're going off those days. You don't even have to go far, just to another city or preferably another state. Get yourself a hotel - doesn't have to be expensive - and just rest. Get yourself some sleep and take many relaxing baths. Don't call home everyday - call to say you made it and you're safe and then turn your phone off. Trust me the world won't end and no major catastrophe will happen. I'm the same way, I think the world will stop if I get off, it won't. Then when you come home, go shopping. Buy yourself a few new items, some clothes, shoes, a hand bag maybe some new make up. Just buy things that will make you feel better. If you can't afford a lot, go to a discount store. If your husband complains tell him to make up his damned mind. I would be very hurt if my husband told me I looked a mess. And wouldn't ever let him forget he said it. I'd look fantastic from that day forth and I'd withhold sex for about two weeks. Make him wonder... Anyway, you have to take care of you. Your husband and children do not have to be your whole world - enjoy being a woman again and not just his wife and their mom. Good luck.

Answer 3

HHHMMM..... Good for him for telling you the truth, but he should have talked to you in a different setting and nature. Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel. He may not realize that you are under so much stress. It sounds like you are beating yourself up over issues you can't control. So what if you don't cook dinner every night or that there are dirty clothes in the hamper when you leave for work. That is life. The housework will be there tomorrow. You shouldn't let it get out of hand, but it is appropriate to slow down. As far as personal hygeine, girl what are you doing? You don't have to be decked out every day, but you should always make time for a shower. Try taking at least 1 hour out of each day just for yourself, and try fixing up at least 2 times a week and I would bet that you will feel like a new woman. You need to find respect for yourself and treat yourself better. When you can do that, you will start seeing positive changes in the world around you. Hang in there, we all go through slumps!!!

Answer 4

I know how you feel. The same thing happens around my house.First do what you ,yourself, has to do,then do what needs to be done .Finally take a few minutes to rest or get some of "you time". Let the kids scream, the husband holler, and what ever else requires your attention.No one will die while you sit down and rest for a little while. If you don't you will have a nervous breakdown and then what will your husband and kids do.Remind them what you do all day.Tell them you need a break.
Now. First take time to treat yourself like a queen.Then tell him not to come to your job if he is going to act like that in front of your coworkers.
You need to get mad.Don't let him walk all over you.Stand up for yourself.You can either put up with what he does and how he treats you or you can leave him.No one deserves to be treated like they are second best.
Hang in there it will get better .He will realize you might leave him if he doesn't straighten up.

Answer 5

YOU are under a lot of pressure and stress!! Tell that husband of yours that you need some help with the kids, the housework and etc!! Quit trying too do it all yourself! Tell him you don't have the time or the engery too fix yourself up but you might if he would try helping out! Don't blame yourself. It was mean of your hubby too say what he did! and you know, if you had cancer cells a few years ago and was told too take it easy..It's time too do just that. you want too be around too raise your kids don't you? Tell your husband too HELP OUT and if he doesn't then there is a big problem in your marriage..Good Luck ..

Answer 6

What an azzhole! Tell him that he doesn't always look 100% either and that you have also noticed this with him as well! Put him in his place lady! That was totally uncalled for. You need a break too and if he doesn't understand any of that, maybe you deserve much better. I go though what your talking about but not the put downs part. I am always tired and I don't think all men understand. He was very immature to say what he did to you, this man is supposed to LOVE you? Sounds like maybe he takes you for granted. Give him what he's asking you for dear! He's rudly asking for a wake-up call, so give it to him! I cannot believe the gull of him!

Answer 7

Your husband gave you a wake-up call, and told you something your co-workers might not have felt comfortable telling you. Take him at his word, and take the time to take better care of yourself--shower, dress nicely, put on make-up, etc. You matter the most; you're no good to anyone if you aren't well, and don't take care of yourself.

When they (the hubby & kids) call you to do things, if you aren't busy and can do it -- fine, if not, tell them you can't because you're busy, it will teach them to fetch for themselves. And there's no reason why the hubby and kids can't help with age-appropriate house chores. That should also free up some of your time to take better care of yourself.

And when they see that you care about and respect yourself, they will too. And you'll be a better role model for the children.

Answer 8

Wow. What your husband has said is very hurtful and rude. You shouldn't be grateful. He's hurting you and that's mean. It sounds like he's got a mean streak for any reason. I would honestly put my foot down and let him know that, and that you're going to start taking care of yourself and doing things in your own way. He doesn't have to like it or agree to it. IT's not up to him. If things get bad enough and he decides he wants to leave, then good ridence. I've never put up with a man who was mean or disrespectful. You deserve better than that. =)

Answer 9

Well you need to tell him to help with the chores around the house your work doesnt stop when you get home and his shouldnt either. He married you for make up or for love, tell him sorry your not a barbie doll your human and when you feel like getting yourself to geather than you will and until than you dont need any snide remarks from the peanut factory.lol

Answer 10

He was angry before he even came to your job. He's arrogant, mean, and selfish. He came up there for the purpose of hurting your feelings. Take some time for you. When you get home tonight, doll yourself up, and leave the kids at home with him. Don't even tell him where you're going. Take yourself out to dinner and have dessert as well. You deserve so much better. Maybe you'll meet someone that will help give you the courage to leave this b.a.s.t.a.r.d.