To Divorce or Not to Divorce? HELP!?

Question

Okay- here's the run down.
My husband and I haven't been living together for over a month now. We have been married a year and a half. I moved out because I just was not happy. I was neglected and mistreated. (He never cheated though)
Now, he wants me back and is saying he will change his ways. He cries to me all the time and we have been spending time together for the past week or so. I am afraid he won't ever change... but I still feel so attatched...
However, I dont think I'm still in love with him...
What should I do?? Has anyone tried counseling? is it advisable? or should I throw in the towel and just try to move on?

Answer 1

OK - you need to slow down. Counseling is always advisable, but understand that counseling is a two person deal.

You do not have to take this man for his word ya know. You can take as much time as you need in order to decide if recomcilliation is what will make you happy in your future or if this man is just talking out his fanny.

Be sure to be strong for yourself though - DO NOT EVER SETTLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please do not take this man if you have even the slgihtest shadow of doubt that he's not proving;through thoughtful actions & words on a regular basis without having to be prompted; that he loves you.

Answer 2

If you have any question in your mind about divorce then obviously something needs to be done to decide whether or not that needs to happen. I don't think you should go back to him until you have done something to work on the relationship that didn't work for you before. I would try counselling, what can it hurt, you can get so much from it, not only for the relationship but for yourself. If divorce does happen, then at least you know more about yourself for future relationships.
He definately needs to show that can or has changed, and stop talking about it. Like many have said : Actions speak louder than words.
There are many points in a relationship that one or the other feels as though they aren't in love with their partner anymore, it's something that any couple, married or not, has to work at. You obviously still care about him or you would have already thrown in the towel, working on this relationship would be much easier than trying to form a new one.
Try a few steps to figure out this relationship before you move onto another one. You wouldn't want to give and up and realize that you made a mistake.
Hope this helps.

Answer 3

I know some people won't agree but if the love is gone I don't think counseling will help. I moved out after 9 yrs of being neglected, emotionally abused but no cheating. At first he begged me to stay for the kids but soon after I moved out he filed for divorce. So I guess I now how he felt and I know I had eventually lost my love for him........I don't know what kind of change is being promised but he probably is just saying whatever it takes to get you back. It is unlikely once you move back in he will really try to change. Don't know your circumstances but it's unlikely, only you know whats in your heart.........

Answer 4

You sound like ur co-dependent or something. Stop and think about what was good in the relationship, what is bad in it and whether or not you VALUE the person enough to fix whatever is wrong with it. You can't fix him, but you can try counseling if you think the person and the relationship are worth it. Don't think to long about it either, because complacency will surely make you change your mind.

Answer 5

Typical women complaints. What are neglect and mistreatment? Neglect for a pet is not to feed or bathe it. Mistreatment of a pet is to beat it up or do funny things with intent to do body harm. Sounds more like you can't settle in the reality of post-wedding life. The guy has to work to make a living, doesn't he?

For someone to fall out of love so easily, PLEASE DO throw in the towel. I think it is good for him to be freed from slavery.

Answer 6

You should give your marriage every opportunity to work. I believe the reason you don't love him now is because of the way he treated you. Counseling is always a good idea. Shop around and find the right counselor. Take your time and make sure you do things right.

Answer 7

I suggest you and your husband read a book called "The Five Love Languages". It is a great book that talk about how you and your spouse can communicate better and actually make each other feel loved. Its cheaper than counseling and honestly a great book. I wish I could buy it for everyone =P

Answer 8

Try some counseling. I felt horrible towards my husband after the first year but now we have been married for five years and I can't imagine a life without him. They say the first five years are the hardest.

Answer 9

Hey, it's your choice.

You can go back to a whining, manipulative, guilt throwing so-n-so or you can divorce him and make a life of your own.

So if you're looking for approval... then leave him and move on.

Or if you're looking for approval... then forgive him and hope for the best.

Word of advice - no matter how much he says he will - he won't change. It won't get better and it will only be a matter of time before he starts to become violent.

Answer 10

It's too early for both of you to give up. Try giving him another chance provided you both go to counseling. If that still fails, then you can say you can divorce because you did everything to save the marriage.