Ex husband's new wife tells our daughter horrible things about me?

Question

The father of my 8 year old daughter got remarried and his new wife takes every alone opportunity with my daughter to tell her what a b**** I am and that she should ask to move in with them. His new wife also tells my daughter things like she and my ex are going to take me to court so they can take her away from me. This is beginning to cause many problems between my child and I. My daughter is so conflicted with all this that she has developed terrible stomach aches and is now on medication for them. I don't want to restrict her from seeing her father but I don't want her alone with the new wife if she is going to fill my daughter's head with horrible things about me. What approach should I take?

Answer 1

Get her into counseling pronto. You have to stay out of it as much as possible. She is only 8 now but I doubt shes stupid. She will realize what they are doing BUT only if you don't talk smack about them.

A licensed impartial therapist can help. They can even contact the other parents and try to get them involved.

Answer 2

Let the courts know. Of course itll be your daughters word against his new wife and without any witnesses to these conversations, and surely his new wife will deny everything, not much will happen here. Thats probably why his new wife does this only when they are alone so no witnesses. His new wife is smart enough to know that the only way they can obtain custody of her is to have your daughter to ask for which one she wants to live with as they cannot have you ruled unfit in a custody battle. Your daughter is probably smart enough to see what her new step mother is attempting to do here and has already formed her own opinions so you should have nothing to worry about here.You can also l,et your ex know about the games his wife is playing and will let the courts know about them if they continue as theyre upsetting your daughter to the point she doesnt want to visit them. As a related point if you could ever prove that she is saying these things about you outside of the house, then you could sue her in small claims court for slander or defamation of character. Good luck

Answer 3

As much as possible, document when your daughter has told you about conversations you feel are troubling her. Then, set a time to sit down with your ex and his wife like adults (with a facilitator, if necessary) and tell them why you think these kinds of conversations with an 8 year old are inappropriate. Let them know they're causing her stress and physical illness. It's really only the father who has parental rights (not his wife) so if need be you can arrange for her father to visit with her in your home - not his. Good luck.

Answer 4

First, I would find a good child psychologist to help your daughter - a divorce is a very hard thing for a child to go through - take it from me. She needs an outlet to speak freely to someone that she doesn't have to worry that she might hurt their feelings.

Then I would speak with the father, to let him know what is going on. If he is allowing this kind of talk, then he is not a fit father, and you should go back to court to have them order supervised visits with your daughter. That way, that kind of abusive talk will not be allowed.

If your husband isn't taking a stand for your daughter and her mental health, then, MOM, you are the only protection your daughter has. Fight like heck to protect her.

Answer 5

A mother's number one duty is to keep the child safe. It sounds like she is being mentally ambushed. This comes about by unhealthy thinking and behaviour and is damaging to everyone involved. There are serious consequences to this and your husband should be made aware of this. Perhaps a third party (neutral person) can write him a letter on your behalf about this. That way you would have a healthy minded witness should this ever become a court matter. If you are the primary care giver you should set very clear rules and guidelines to ensure your child is not exposed further to such negative input. Steer clear of bitter divorce issues where the child is concerned, they don't deserve it. Maintain your bond by continuous positive re-enforcement and fun activities and consider supervised visits through children's aid if adults misbehave so irresponsibly!

Answer 6

Get your daughter a counselor so she has a 3rd party to talk to who isn't involved in the situation. Also lead by example. Just because she says horrible things about you, don't even mention the other woman. Your daughter is old enough to know what is true and what is not. I personally would do whatever I could to keep the 2 apart even if it meant restricting access to her father. Him allowing her to talk to you daughter that way is not good parenting either. Good luck.

Answer 7

You need to talk about it with your ex husband. There is no reason he should let this go on! If he doesn't make her stop or if she doesn't stop. I hate to be ugly but don't let your daughter go over to their house or make neutral meeting places! If all else fails than get an lawyer and go back to court. Your daughter doesn't need this mental abuse by your ex husbands new wife! I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 8

You need to have your daughter and you to tell the child's father what his wife is doing. Make sure that his wife is not around. His wife sounds like a ***** to me. All she is doing is turning your daughter against you. She also sounds intimidating. Let the child's father know because he does need to know as soon as possible.

Answer 9

wow, You need to keep it postive with your daughter don't say anything bad about the new mom... and Try to talk to your daughter's father and let him know what going on.. and That causing this girl going on medication and stress and all that she only 8 years old... She want mom and dad right now not need New mom putting all the bad things about me...

If not work out.. then You need to do what best for your daughter and get a lawyer because if this Father not care for his own daughter then yeah take him and her to court and try to get full custody of that child and not have her see him... Until he Wake up and smell the coffee and really care about his daughter then he should be telling his new wife to shut up.... not for you to do that to my daughter...

Really, I know that you don't want to restrict her from seeing her father... But the father should be standing up for his daughter and telling his new wife to butt out of it and no more of that crap about you..If he truly love his own daughter. If not then why should you keep have your daughter go see them ??? since she will be doing worst of yoru child.. you doing it becasue what best for your kid...

Believe me when daughter grow up and knowing that dad don't care... just care about his wife more than his own daughter...

Answer 10

Your ex should speak up and take control over his wife. No adult should talk to there kids that way. She must be jealous of you or just a complete *****. Tell her that if she keeps talking to your child that way then you will stop her from seeing your child. And if the father wants to see her then he will have to see her on your terms when she is not around.

Answer 11

First, stick with whatever custody arrangements are in place. If he has rights to see her, you have to honor those until you can get them changed through your lawyers.

Second, get this situation changed right now. Work with your lawyer to talk to your husband and tell him that this sort of emotional abuse in his home is not acceptable. If he cannot change the situation, you need to change the custody to supervised visits only. You do have some rights to restrict this woman from hurting your daughter, but you need to go about it carefully and legally.