Confused about my Husband and I?

Question

I was with my husband for 4 years before we got married only about six months ago. Well, we are having so many problems with fighting and not getting along. And with our fighting or arguing about stupid crap he is getting more and more aggitated with me and now is calling me names. I know he doesn't mean it when he says mean things and he always says sorry, but it doesn't make the pain I feel go away after he calls me names. Well, I finally told him a few weeks ago how his horrible name calling and us fighting all the time is getting to me. It makes me so upset that sometimes I just cry even when we are not fighting or nothing has happened. Well, now this week he said he has been thinking a lot over the past few weeks and he thinks it would be best if we live separately for awhile. He says he loves me with all his heart and hates to seem me hurting and he wants to take the time of living separate to work on our friendship b/c it seems that we have lost that. What do you think?

He says that a lot of this might be happening b/c we had to many bad things happen since the beginning our relationship that we to take a step back and go back to dating each other and see if the true feelings are still there. And yes we do have a daughter together that is now 3 1/2 years old. Please try to give some advice. I am so lost and confused over all this. I love my husband from the very pit of my heart, but I don't know what is the best thing for us right now.

Answer 1

It sounds that seperation isnt the worst thing here. Its better than divorce for everyone involved at this point. The only drawback isthe extra expense of two residences but then to save your marriage and family is well worth any extra cost. He just probably needs some space to get his feelings and everything back into order, sort of to clear his head. If hes willing to do this to save your relationship then welcome the idea immensely. You can also use the time apart to clear your head and who knows this just may be alot of fun restarting over. I agree fully with his thinking and wish the both of you all the best. If I can be of any further help email me at [e-mail] and please let me know how this turns out, thanks. Im really interested

Answer 2

Sounds like there are things he is not being honest about. Counseling should be something to seek out. I dont believe that living apart will make things better for a number of reasons....the living expenses first of all. You will now be paying for two separate houses, utilities, food etc...that will add to the stress and cause further problems. With the way that you are feeling the emotions will get to you in the night time when you are sleeping alone. You have a child that will now be caught in the middle so to speak...the main concern that is real here is the emotional abuse of name calling. You have to decide if that is something that you want to live with. Chances are this is something that will not go away at least not without help and hope that it doesnt turn into something more alarming. You need to recognize the pattern of the man that you are married to. If it is gradually getting worse then this may be a wake up call for you. It is not an easy situation or decision but I urge you to think about your situation and what you would tell a friend if she were experiencing this. Try to step out of the situation and exam from all angles and ask your self about your own happieness and well being. Best to you.

Answer 3

This is a tough situation. Marriage is a commitment and I think that the only folks who really understand love are those that have stuck it out through all the tough times and refuse to give up.

Four years is a long time to be together before marriage and I'm sure you were both really comfortable with just being together. Marriage can really freak people out because of the commitment it brings. You probably both know what the deep rooted problems in your relationship are even if you are not willing to aknowledge them yet. You need to set down right away and get everything out on the table. Discuss your fears and your problems then make a decision as a couple to never give up. Set up a pratical plan to work on the issues that you both have. Find ways to begin to move past them. Hang in there and try to convince him that a seperation is not a good idea. Counseling would also be a good step.

Answer 4

A weekend apart maybe, but no don't separate! The only way to make a marriage last is to stick it out when you want to walk away! You've only been married 6 months, what happened since the wedding that wasn't going on before? That's what you have to figure out! You both love each other, you just have to set rules on how to fight with each other! If it starts getting heated enough to start name calling, you need to separate for awhile and cool off til you can TALK about the problem. My husband and I agree that we're to mad to talk right now and pick it up again after we've cooled off! Try spending a nice weekend together and then try talking, if one or both gets mad, wait awhile and try again. I think you guys have a good chance of working things out, it just takes lots of hard work and not walking away just because it's hard! 22 yrs and still going here!

Answer 5

WOW,
I can almost hear the pain in your voice. Let me say this first, the name calling is not acceptable. Sorry or not, the fact is it keeps happening!!!!! It's one thing to say something out of anger ( WE ALL DO.) and then apologize but like I said, it keeps happening! That is a big problem........ That is a real BIG problem..... If someone in a relationship wants to separate it's most likely for the best. He is NOT asking for a divorce just a break right? To clear things up. Maybe it will help you get a clearer picture for you to decide what YOU want. I would agree to a separation. Take time apart. Things seem pretty heated right now.

Answer 6

It's only my opinion, but I think you can certainly "work on your friendship" while still living together.

This may only be a possibility, but I think you should consider a couple of things...is the love-making still happening? Has it changed? What are the reasons for the fights...the real ones. Who starts them?

Think back before you were married. Were there any signs of this then?

My gut tells me something has changed after 4 and 1/2 years and I'm sorry, but it smells female to me.

Unless you are willing to let him have someone else while still married to you, convince him that there's no reason why you can't simply sleep apart until you both figure things out. Listen with interest if he says that won't work--that he thinks it best that you live separately. Watch for other signs.

I hope I'm very wrong.

Good luck.

Answer 7

Being apart is not an answer. How can you work on the problem if you're not together? Set aside time and talk about one topic at a time. Each gets 10 minutes or so to give their feelings. No, this will not solve things over night but it opens the door to communication for both of you. Make a list of the problems you think you have and start with the smallest. By the time ya get to the big problems hopefully you would have established of how to communicate to one another.

Answer 8

Don't be a fool! Set an example for your daughter. A real man would never call you out of your name no matter how upset he gets. Believe me, once that begins, its over! 9 out of 10 times, he is already seeing someone else. Becoming pregnant, having a child and going without sex puts a strain on the relationship- that's #1. Number 2, after that child is born, we as women, put that child first. SOME men are selfish, wanting you to take care of them like you have not been handling the baby all day. Sometime we need a break from it all. A break from him, the baby and the daily routine. Let him go. There is someone out there that will respect you everyday for the rest of you and your baby girls life

Answer 9

It sounds to me like he is running away from a problem. Of course he wants to separate. 9 out of 10 men would. They cannot handle being in their home with (what they think) is a pain in the *** on their side.

If he leaves, it's not going to get better. The only thing that's going to solve this problem is the two of you trying to solve the problem together. That's what marriage is!

Do you love each other? If the answer is yes, than you both could solve any problem. If your in this relationship ONLY to make each other happy, not yourselves, then it could be so simple. You have to tell him that you want to give it one more try, before any separation and then you both have to do anything you could to fix this problem, because it seems like it got out of hand. Remember, in a marriage when he leaves that house daily, he not suppose to love it. You have to make sure he loves when he coming home to you and your child.

Act like a lady and treat him like a man and watch how that will turn around. Do whatever you can, especially because you have a child. Always give him alot of compliments (good in bed, works so hard, gorgeous, etc.) make love as much as you can, tell him you love him as much as you can, let him relax when he's tired and feed him when he's hungry. Just let him know, you are doing your part and NATURALLY he will begin to do the same thing. If that's the case, he won't be going anywhere. Good Luck

Answer 10

Wow, that can be a very difficult situation. It sounds like things are VERY strained right now in your relationship. My personal advice might be to talk together first about what's upsetting each other. Establish some rules between both of you - and consequences as well if needed. I know it sounds rudimentary, but it might work. Maybe every time he calls you a name, he has to kiss you. Especially with this type of action, he knows it was wrong, and must do something loving to compensate for it, which ultimately may change the whole mood of both of you. Are financial woes getting in the way, are you both getting enough "alone" time? Is there added stress at his workplace? Maybe added stress at your workplace? All these things can really have a profound affect on a relationship, and test it's limits. Get to the root of the problem, and work on it together... If it's worth it to you, it's certainly worth fighting for. Good luck to you, him, and your daughter.

Answer 11

I am so sorry this is happening to you...my husband and I are newlyweds (7 months) and we also started out arguing to the point where things are said that aren't meant but when we calm down we come back together and discuss what went wrong and we've been able to correct alot of our hurtful behavior. Your husband needs to understand that the first year of marraige (no matter how long you were together before saying i do) is VERY difficult and a major transition. You can't go back to dating and taking time to live apart is not going to heal your marraige. Suggest counseling and see if together you can find a healthy way to communicate with each other! I am hoping the best for you both!!