Men only....?

Question

To all you men out there who find the idea of having a baby with your parner a scary prospect, please can you answer me from the heart why?

Im a 29 year old female, and have been with my husband 5 years and I love him so much I would love to start a family with him, but he says he is scared ( I admire his honesty) its been on going for 2 years. I know as a woman it is natural to feel this amazing erge to want a child. I dont feel scared at all.

Please tell me how you guys feel about it all. Its upsetting me so much and it would be great to get some feed back from another perspective. Thanks.

Answer 1

Personally alot of women have lost that urge this day and age they see that this world is going to the crapper and why bring a baby into a world like this.

I have been married for 8yrs and my wife and I are not having kids maybe this is what your husband wants as well. I would ask him if he really is scared or does he simply not want
them?.

You should never force parenthood on someone if they do not want the rugrats running around. It sounds to me that your hubby wants you in his life and that is all maybe some dogs etc. kids do not interest him. Very few men are scared to be a father if someone wants them they are excited and well happy if there spouse becomes pregnant.

My thoughts on this are that your hubby DOESN'T WAN'T KIDS!

God Bless and Best Wishes talk to your hubby he will amswer you truthfully if you ask him enough times.

Answer 2

OK, here's my take.

If "scared" is really the right word, it might start with expenses...it's a real expensive prospect raising a child. It could be responsibility...when one brings a child into this world it's huge, because from that point forward it's your responsibility to provide for that child for many, many years. It could be the prospect of the life-style change...it's true that your life will never be the same, and you have to accept that.

If he's a real "thinker", all or some of these things may have occurred to him...not that you haven't thought about them, too. But women are more logical about things like this.

I think he really needs to expound as to the "scared" thing...exactly what does that mean ("I don't know" doesn't qualify)?

It's really the greatest experience to have, raising a child.

I'm hoping the two of you discussed this before you got married but, if not, now is the time to do so seriously.

Good luck to you both.

Answer 3

Sorry I thought you meant biologically and I now see you mean start a family. Did you run this through your husband either before or when you married? When we married neither of us wanted children. The simplest reason for him not wanting a family is that the world we live in scares him to death. I know a few people (M and F) who don't want to bring a child into this world. But it has always been dangerous. The plague, the Napoleonic War, WWI WWII Korea Viet Nam, when Jesus was born the masssacre of the innocents etc. etc.
My mom told me that if you wrote down on a piece of paper reasons why NOT to have kids it would run to a couple of pages and WHY to have kids would run to around two lines.
Your husband has not got an imperative regarding "go forth and multiply" that is for sure. But it is highly likely that he is also afraid he cannot give the child / ren what he would want them to have. It is a very difficult thing. He says he is scared you had better ask him why because your nesting instinct is going to go into overdrive sometime soon. Hope this helps but be kind to him because I feel for him too. I feel for the pair of you.

Answer 4

There are several angles here.

1. Scared of responsibility and commitment: a child ties the parents together for many years to come.
2. Scared of life style change: a baby becomes the center of a couple's universe the second he or she is born. They are the most beautiful beings but they require lots of attention almost 24x7. Can't speak for the woman, the crowning moment for a man is when he holds up his first child. He knows his life will change forever.

Answer 5

Its natural for a guy to get nervous with the prospect of kids.

It's a big responsibility to be a dad, and while girls grow up playing with dolls lots of guys have very little interaction with children except to see them destroy things or throw up on people at family gatherings.

Its easy to get nervous when you know you will have a very big responsibility for something you have little experience with.

If he has lots of nice stuff, he will need to accept that sooner or later his kids are going to destroy them (something else guys tell other guys).

Also guys with kids talk to guys without kids and tell them that they should expect to drop on the priority scale with the wife from around the top to around the bottom once kids are in the picture.

If things are going great maybe he's wondering why you want to mess with the formula?

With the reality that our planet is becoming consumed with terrorism and becoming a global hazardous dump/desert it's not exactly a utopia to raise kids in.

Financially kids are expensive - both to get all of the things you need for them as well as maintainance. Then add the fact that your income will go away and if you do go back to work there is daycare costs.

Now, here is my personal experience:
Despite the fact that I felt this way about all of these things before kids, and that I still don't rate above laundry for my wife anymore (and miss that I was her "star" in her life)...

I love my kids and think about them when I'm at work and look forward to spending time with them every day. My life has changed but I can't imagine being nearly as happy before I had kids as now.

Answer 6

He sounds like a very intelligent man he could be scared for many reasons 1 he is afraid he may not be a good dad 2 he is afraid it will take away his and your independence to go and come as you please 3 he may not want kids at all 4 he may have thoughts that the marriage is not going to work and he does not want his child to grow up with divorced parents..

Answer 7

It is a big responibilty that, quite frankly, people don't take seriously enough. I think that if he is scared to have children you should respect that. You should really find out exactly what he is scared of and maybe you could quell some of his fears. It doesn't mean that he loves you any less. That is just pure bullshit.

Answer 8

I loved to have a baby but people made fun of it. So I decided to never bring this thought again in mind.

Answer 9

(Sorry I'm a woman, but I just had to answer this question.)

All it basically means is that he doesn't want to have children with you! It's doesn't matter how much he says he loves you. Judge people by their actions, not their words.

It just means that he doesn't want to have a child with you. This is a difficult thing for some men to own up to, and he may not even realise that this is the case.

Ask any psychologist, or search the internet for related sites on this topic.

A man who really loved you would want to have children with you after 5 years. Find someone who deserves this honour.

Good luck.

Answer 10

Bringing a kid into this messed up world is Scary! plus they are expensive as hell. What was he like before you got married? didn't you discuss this before saying I do? If not, you should have.