two issues at once, looking for questions to clarify?

Question

in a nut shell, i lost the true genuine affection i had for my husband in about 2004,but have stayed for the various "common sense" reasons someone stays with someone else..not wanting to rock the boat..ect. the classic, i love him, but i am not in love with him any more, and that is very sad

last year i met another man that i have developed feelings for in spite of myself.

so-I have managed to work up the guts think about actually leaving, but not nessecarily because i want to get with this other guy.-it is just that now that I have met this other guy, I see all kinds of possibilities for personal growth outside of married life.

I know if I left my husband, a good amount of time would have to pass before i even thought of seeing anyone else-

i am asking for clarity, maybe some questions to ask myself about this situation. need to separate the 2 issues to make sure i am leaving my husband for the right reason, rather than it looking like i left him for this other guy

Answer 1

Actually, the biggest question you should ask yourself is "why am I married to a man that I'm not happy with?" You need to look out for yourself first and foremost, don't leave to be with someone else, leave to be with yourself. Ask yourself "do I see myself w/ my husband in 10 years?" "am I happy with my marriage?" If you can't answer yes to both of these questions, then you shouldn't stay married no matter what the reason "may seem" to other people.

Answer 2

You know married life has a lot of ups and downs over the years. During the down times, the grass always looks greener on the other side. I would ask yourself "what qualities your husband possesed that made you marry him?" "Is there something that could be done to help save your marriage?' Have you tried all possible avenues to renew your love? think counseling, talking to him heart to heart and looking at what really happened to make you feel like you've lost your love for him. Then, the other guy. Is he stable? Will he be there after you get divorced or does he like the convenience of a relationship with a married woman because there is no real commitment there. I think talking to a neutral 3rd party like a counselor would help you to sort these feelings out. It is definitely worth a try. I say try everything first to salvage your marriage. Then if the feelings don't change...leave. At least you can say that you tried everything to save it. I wish you luck and peace.

Answer 3

Love is a confusing emotion. If your feelings for this other man are genuine, then it's not exactly fair to either your husband, or this other man for you not to confront the issue.

If I were you, I'd let them both know about the situation, and if possible; take some time away to think on it. If you do make a decision, you owe it to all three parties involved to be truthful, and to take the time you need, so that you are sure of your own decision. Time may not be in great supply, but a rushed decision can, and is often the most incomplete one.

Answer 4

To be honest, people leave marriages for other people all the time. I don't see why you have the separate the two issues. If you want out and you want to see another man, then do it. Just make sure you do it in the right order, to avoid hurt and scandal. Sometimes, love just doesn't last as long as we want. You sound unhappy in your marriage and men are not the only creatures with wandering eyes and minds. You know why you're leaving your husband and don't let society dictate how you are to spend your life without him.

Answer 5

use the pill