Can you make me laugh? I am sick of crying? Make me SMILE!?

Answer 1

I always have a good joke, if you kind of like the dry ones.
Pr 15:15 All the days of the afflicted are evil: but he that is of a merry heart hath a continual feast.
Pr 17:22 A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.
So Laugh !!

Answer 2

NOW THIS IS DRUNK:
A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead
>> with him to let them take him home. He says NO -- he only lives a mile
>> away.
>> About five blocks from the party, the police pull him over. They check
>> his license and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line. Just
>> as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking
>> place in a house around the block. The police tell the party animal to
>> stay put, they'll be right back and they run around the corner to the
>> robbery.
>> The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home. When he
>> gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who
>> might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all
>> day.
>> A few hours later the police knock on the door . They ask if Mr. Smith
>> is there and his wife says yes. They ask to see hi m and she replies
>> that he is in bed with the flu and has been there all day.
>> The police still have his driver's license. They ask to see his car and
>> she asks why. They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the
>> garage. She opens the door. There sitting in the garage is the police
>> car, with all its lights still flashing
>> True story; told by the driver at his first AA meeting

Answer 3

a horse walked into a bar.
the bartender asks: why the long face?
--------

A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, "that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?"

The man replies, "all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious...Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything --- meat, toast, fish, vegtables, everything."

"Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome." "Why chrome?" asks the patient.

To which the dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"

Answer 4

I was shooting propane bottles and i didn't hold the rifle hard enough and the scope slammed into my eye. It's swollen and black, i'd send you a pic but my computer is to slow, it's ways pretty funny though!

here's a joke--Okay, This string walks into a bar and asks for a drink.

The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve strings."

String replies, "Oh, come on, I am really thirsty!"

The bartender refuses, and the string walks outside. Once outside he asks a man walking by to fray his ends, and tie him in a knot.

Later, the string walks back into the bar and asks for a drink again.

The bartender says "Hey, arn't you that string that was in here earlier?"

String says, "nope, I'm afraid not" (A frayed knot)

Answer 5

My mechanic told me they couldn't fix my brakes, so they made my horn louder.

So, d'ja laugh? Chuckle? Giggle? Smirk? Anything?