My step daughter is 12 and a diva?

Question

She lives with her mother and they are well off. She does not get good grades in school and has no respect for her mom and she still gets channel earings, name brand clothing and $300 coach purses. She also gets her toes done every two weeks. What do my husband and I do when she comes down this summer? We are financially tight at this moment and we can't do all tha t stuff. Any advice?

Answer 1

Well it's easy to get sucked into the 'money competitive thing' but you have to do what you can afford. There are a lot of fun things you can do that don't involve a lot of money. Do a movie night each week, let her pick out some good family movies at the rental store. Set aside time for crafty things....almost ALL kids love to make things. You can take her to the craft store and together pick out a project....beading, painting, scrapbooking. You don't know, she might actually enjoy the 'down time' a time when she can kick back and relax. If you have any interesting people watching places in town, be sure to get all dressed up with her and take her to 'tea' so you can giggle about all the funny/good looking people walking by. Maybe she likes reading? playing strategy games? board games? Have a game night in addition to the movie night...that way your husband gets involved too. It can be difficult for a preteen or teen daughter to bond with her father, so movie nite and board game nite will go a long way towards helping. Also, maybe she might enjoy cooking or learning to make her favorite dish? If she's grumpy and resistant, just tell her, "everyone has a different situation, and this is how we live in this house, you never know by the end of the summer you may actually like a few things." Don't give in to her tantrums, make her do things with you, but try to make it fun and stress free by playing her favorite music and scheduling some things that she enjoys as well.

Answer 2

Little girls should have the chance to be children, and pedicures and coach purses don't sound like a childhood to me. Plan child-appropriate activities that keep her busy enough that she forgets she's overdue for her biweekly pedicure and also allow her to just have fun and relax. Look for activities in your area that are fun for preteens and are inexpensive - county fairs, amusement parks, the zoo, etc. You could also have a fun "girly" night with her once a week or so, where you give each other manicures, facials, etc, so that she's still doing the diva thing, but on a smaller scale.

I hope everything goes well! Best wishes!

Answer 3

Sounds like your step daughter is very spoiled, which will make it very hard on you and your husband when she comes too visit this summer. But she is 12 years old and plenty old enough too understand that you and her dad just can't afford too give her all the stuff she has become accustomed too. Sit her down and just explain it too her. If she isn't showing her mom any respect I'm sure she isn't going too show you guys any either. BUT..that is the one thing I would INSIST on, tell her she has too learn respect and it may as well be this summer!! I'm sure there are plenty of fun places too go that are free or cost very little, insist that she go with you guys even when she puts up a fuss..who knows..It might just be what this spoiled little girl needs. Someone who demands she be respectful and etc..Good luck, and don't worry too much, things will work out.

Answer 4

Maybe the diva daughter would just like some normal attention for once not the kind you buy. When my son was little he had a grandmother that bought alot of toys and things but didn't show alot of affection and a grandmother that showed him alot of love but not alot of toys. He wanted to be with the one who showed him the attention. If she is just so spoiled that she can't see thru her designer sunglasses then just do things like you would normally do and get ready for a dreadful summer. She will get to know that it won't be the same as her other home. She will adjust. Just have some normal family fun. Good Luck

Answer 5

Let her see that although she gets what she wants from her Mother that it doesn't mean she does at your home. It will bring her down to earth and perhaps make her appreciate things with a better attitude. I would go with the rules that you and your husband set for your home. Sure she may not like it because she thinks she deserves everything she wants but dont give in. Someone needs to show her that life isn't about getting everything for nothing in return. Good luck sounds like you all will have your hands full.

Answer 6

Well, disciplining your daughter will be up to your husband. Understand that you are just step-mom and really need to take a back seat. It's DAD's job - so let him do it - even if you would do something differently. Not easy.

That said, you and husband need to sit down and discuss realistic family rules, expectations, privacy, entertainment, budget, and a host of other things you should have ironed out BEFORE you married him, knowing he had a Diva-in-Training in tow. Speak with a good family counselor if you can't. Or speak with your minister.

You should expect from him - total support for your house rules. If brat is disrespectful, he is to support you. (define disrespectful behavior ahead of time) And he should take appropriate action including sending her back to Mother if necessary.

He should expect from you - total support for his parenting. Outside of blatant disrespect from daughter - make no comments or complaints. Praise him for supporting you and praise him for trying to be the best dad he can.

You can expect from daughter - one sad, confused and angry kid. She will do anything for attention - including testing limits.

Daughter can expect from you - a friend, confident and supportive adult who sees things from a different (mature) perspective. That means even if she pushes your buttons, you don't lose your cool.

Daughter can expect from Dad - a confused, guilty parent who she may try to manipulate through guilt.

Daughter MUST expect from both of you - a united stand. Be consistent and honest about rules and expectations. Be consistent about consequences. If you promise a consequence, no amount of pleading should change the outcome (look at Paris Hilton these days).

NEVER, EVER, EVER say anything negative about Mother. If daughter baits you - drop it with a loving and sweet - "well, I don't know your Mother but I hear she is very nice. She certainly has raised an awfully nice daughter." Do not pick up any firebrand and run with it. Don't play into her games.

Expect good behavior - really - she may surprise you. Do praise her for good behavior. In fact, here's a good way to compliment her mother - "Gracie, you are certainly a nice girl. Your mother can be awfully proud of you."

And from time to time, send Mother an email or polite note telling her how nice Gracie is.

Answer 7

You don't have to spend money on her. Spend time with her. When she's grown the stuff she'll remember the most will be times she spent with people not the carp they bought her. Try not to judge her and just enjoy your time with her. Who knows? Maybe she will enjoy not being on display while she is with you this summer. If she starts displaying any diva attitude take her to task and explain that you won't accept that kind of behavior. She's a child. She needs guidance & direction. You & your husband can be the grounding she needs.

Answer 8

You sound jealous! Stop hating on the kid just because she is already worth more then you!

Nothing worse then an evil, jealous step mother! Be careful or your man will wind up putting YOU out! No man would choose a woman over his kids.

Answer 9

just live life and if the girl sees a purse that she wants while your in the mail just say 'no' and keep on walking. she is at that age that 'designer' stuff means the world to her. if she already has alot of stuff why does she need more. just keep her mind away from the mall, get her active in activities.

Answer 10

she is only 12 not 21 start giving her responsibility and treat her like a normal 12 year old. She might get mad but she will thank you when she gets older!