I appreciate all helpful input ......... I really suffer from this problem. I`m usually very good-natured and sacrificing with people but then ALWAYS end up either getting exploited for my good nature or taken for granted. This really hurts sometimes
2007-05-16 01:28:04 · 8 answers · asked by Who? 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I think people like you (and me) like to play by the rules. A lot of people like to play WITH the rules. The Bible does say 'dont cast your pearls before swine'.
2007-05-16 01:41:59 · answer #1 · answered by pete the pirate 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have had this problem before. Being good natured does not mean you cannot express yourself when you are feeling used, angry or hurt. Express yourself and make it know when something is not on. Yes you may be good natured but im sure you expect the same back so let them know that. People either a) dont understand something is bothering you or b) they are not that nice if they cannot realise its not nice or are purposefully taking advantage of you. Be nice but also remember to stand up for yourself. I am learning that this is called taking responsibility for yourself because no-one else will and no-one else should since only you know when you are hurt or what is best for you. I have sometimes wallowed in self pity thinking why can't others be nicer. However i should have been firstly looking at myself in the mirror and seeing what i can change about me. The way you act also attracts a certain types of people to you conciously or unconciously the more you learn to stand up for yourself the less leechy people you will attract or people will change their attitude towards you. Good luck!! I know its hard i've been there!!
2007-05-16 01:35:41 · answer #2 · answered by lazydazy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing and most important is that you have to learn how to set all sorts of boundaries. You do not do this.
If someone makes a request of you, learn how to say " I'll think about it", and not give an answer just because someone what to know. For example, someone wants to know if you could do something for them. Your first instinct is to cooperate. Stop this immediately. Say " When do you have to know by", followed by I'll let you know after I think about i9t. If they pressure you, repeat the process. If they keep it up, absolutely say in that case, I must decline. If you feel people will not like you, it is an opportunity to set a boundary, and if they act hostile towards you after that they were never a friend.
You have to realize that if you are a nice person, it is really impractical to think everyone will like you. it's a codependent issue and must be conquered. Books on codependency are helpful, and learning to undo the false self.
There are several books called "Boundaries"...read them. They deal with issues of time, money, space, freedoms, and many other areas to set boundaries.
2007-05-16 01:42:38 · answer #3 · answered by Legandivori 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
im exactly the same!! all you have to do is start thinking, when someone asks you to do something, look at what kind of person they are and decide if you are going to do something for them or not. Ive also got the "cant say no" problem...
2007-05-16 01:34:17 · answer #4 · answered by lefinia 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
...You need a more clear notion of boundaries. The line between your life and someone else's life. You are responsible for your life. Other people are responsible for their lives, not you. You're a kind person, but you have to remember that it's their problems, not yours. You have no duty to them to sacrifice your needs to meet their needs. It's OK to help people with a genuine need. But most people can help themselves. It's better to help them help themselves than to do it for them.
So probably you need to say "No" more often. In a kind way, of course...
"I'd like to, but I have other plans."
"I can't loan you the money, but I know where you can get a good loan."
Instead of giving your resources, give more encouragement. Instead of giving advice, give more compassionate listening. Help people help themselves.
2007-05-16 01:31:08 · answer #5 · answered by ? 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Set limits for yourself. It is a wonderful thing to be helpful and supportive, but prioritize YOU and YOUR needs above ALL. That's not selfish at all. You can't help anyone if you're down and out too.
Good luck!
2007-05-16 01:32:00 · answer #6 · answered by doggiemom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, don't give away more than you can afford to lose. That is, don't "help 'til it hurts." As others have answered, maintain a healthy boundary between yourself and those you help.
2007-05-16 03:09:24 · answer #7 · answered by John G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When they ask say I will have to check what I am doing and get back to you. If they ask what you are doing say, It's personnel.
2007-05-16 01:55:57 · answer #8 · answered by Lou 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋