my fiancee is verbally abusive. If I get us counseling could it ruin his chances in court in getting his son?

Question

his son has been in state custody due to the mother (ex-wife) neglecting the boy's health care issues, abuse, drugs, etc.... (she has been playing the "good girl" "jumping through their hoops", (which is just an act) and she stands a better than average chance of getting the boy back.
My fiancee has been in emotional pain over the past 4 years for not having any time with his son, now his day in court is comming up. I really want us to seek counseling to avoid the abuse, but at the same time don't want his son to go from the "frying pan straight into the fire" . All the while, I don't know how to approach my fiancee about counseling, and I'm afraid that he won't want to go for fear of loosing his son again should state find out.

Answer 1

I understand your predicament. Custody issues often put people at odds of doing what's right sometimes to their own detriment.

First, ask yourself, why is he verbally abusive? Maybe you should give him an ultimatum, because "verbally" can lead to physical easy. I have been in that situation. Tell him to correct it before you will marry him and do not marry him until he has stopped. Go ahead and go to counseling, don't worry. He needs it, and if he is truly a good Dad, he will eventually have his rights to see his son. Wether he also deserves custody or not. If he verbally abuses his son or you, he is no better than HER.

Also, what is said in those sessions is private.

Answer 2

Straight out tell him he needs counseling. If he won't go you need to find someone else. A life time of that is not what you are looking for, is it?

If the man is verbally abuse how can he be good for his son? The mother might not be any better than the father, but it's not you who chooses so don't make that your deciding factor.

Answer 3

The state can find out anything. However, counsling is not a bad thing, usually courts look "up" on things like that. They like to see that people care enough to get help.
And if anything, he should do it for his son, because being verbally abusive, will mean years of counsling for the boy, which I am sure he already needs because of his crack mother.
It is hard to mention counsling to individuals, and being that he is a verbally abusive person already. I would say it casualy and I would mention how awesome it would look in court, showing the judges you really want to be the dad of the son... I know you want this to be about you, but it has to be about the boy.

Answer 4

If you have stayed in a abusive relationship for four years you need counseling to find out why? If your fiancee will continue to be abusive towards his son after four years without him, I don't think counseling will help. Maybe the child is better off in care of the state.

Answer 5

If your Fiance is verbally abusive he shouldn't have custody of his son. He has some serious issues and whatever the reason for them needs to address them before he can be a good parent. And quite honestly he should address them before becoming a husband and you should be concerned that he is verbally abusive, this often changes to physical abuse over the years. Before you walk down that isle, walk into counselling with him, clear this all up, if you can, before you say"I do"..

Answer 6

If he is verbally abusive, then he doesn't need his son and his son doesn't need someone else who is going to put him through hell.
Sounds like both the boys parents are unfit and he deserves a better family and chance in life...if I were you I would get the help despite what will happen with your hubby in court.

Answer 7

There is nothing wrong with getting counseling. You do not have to tell anyone why. For all they know, you could be learning how to handle the child's emotions from the break up of his parents. The therapist has to keep everything in confidence.

Answer 8

Your existence does not fail, and no you will ever make you experience that way. I actually have a pal that became into interior the precise difficulty as you, basically that she have been given bodily abused besides. you are able to not enable this pass on.. My pal concept that not something super would take place yet she became into incorrect i don't choose to pass into info nevertheless. according to danger you are able to call a social worker? They wont take you away out of your place they'll purely come on your place and communicate along with your mothers and fathers. or you need to get out of the homestead as much as a danger if your aloud. Invite a number of your human beings over in case you are able to, because of the fact im specific your mothers and fathers does not say those issues in front of human beings. If the verbal abuse turns into something extra you are able to truly tell somebody no rely how not elementary it must be. in case you ever choose to talk to somebody approximately how your feeling you are able to continuously call teenagers help telephone, yet i think of it fairly is barely for Canada. in case you ever choose to talk purely spill your emotions, we are going to continuously be right here. :)

Answer 9

leave now.

you can't change people. If he is abusive it will just get worse as he learns to take out rage on you more and more. You will basically become a conduit for his negative emotions.

He basically cares about himself more then you. sating his own emotions by using you.

Then after you leave if he really cares he will want you back. then tell him you want counseling. That way if he is sincere you will have a good relationship.. if he doest care then you are free and ready to move on with your life.

Its scary to do... but you life is just as important has anyone Else's. Live on.

Answer 10

If your fiancee is verbally abusive to you he will most likely be abusive to his son as well. You should just leave him. The son in my opinion should not be with either of his parents... perhaps he should be with his grandparents or another family member.