Should I go back to my husband after he cheated and had a child with a much older woman than both of us?

Question

I left my husband to study overseas. We had married for 5 years then. immediately I left he got involved with an older woman and had a child with her. I forgave him and in the process got pregnant and have a second child. But he continued tocheat with this old woman. My problem is that my second child has never seen her dad,who is the cheating husband. She is now of a school going age and she wants to see the dad. My husband has apologized once again and after several years of separation he wants us to go back to re build the family. I still love him but do'nt trust him anymore. Financially I am comfortable to living by myself but not the kids.
should i go back to him or not? Please i need answers only from those who have been in this situation befofe.

Answer 1

No, and after that, take him for everything he has then leave him.

Answer 2

What makes you think the two of you will be happy together after everything that has happened.It won't be good for your kids because if you take him back you will be so put off just by his touch.There will all ways be three people in your bed and you no it.My husband moved out on me,he said so our marriage wouldn't get any worse and like an Ahole I believed that.21/2 years he moved back in.When I was putting away some of his clothes guess what fell on the floor,a pair of large
thongs which meant not only had he been cheating on me but with someone heavy and come to find out 10 years older then him and she was ugly on top of everything else.It has been 10 years now he has been back with me.Even though he has tried so hard to prove how sorry he is and how much he loves me,it's just not there anymore for me.I no I love him but the bond the passion the trust the innocence is gone.This is what you will be up against if you let him back in. I haven't had one day where I didn't think about what he did and why he did it.My head is so full of the two of them still after10 years.

Answer 3

That's a tough one. If you don't trust him, and don't feel its possible to rebuild trust, DO NOT give him the opportunity to hurt you again.

I truly believe that children need to be involved with both parents. But maybe visitations would be better option here. I hope you are at least receiving child support from him.

It is A hard life, for a single mom. Without having to be sole provider financially.
It is, He that made his choices, now he needs to be responsible and know there is a price to pay.

Be cautious of what your children are feeling. I was in this situation, and decided to give him another chance. He didnt lie or cheat on me again, (or at least he wasnt caught). But I didnt feel the same towards him anymore. We decided that it would be in our best interests to live apart, after about a year.

Unfortunately, the children were affected much more from this split, since they were old enough to know what was happening. I have to deal with behavior problems on a regular basis, which I feel are the result of this second chance I gave to dad.

think before you act. good luck

Answer 4

Financially you are comfortable living by yourself, but not the kids...


that's what you said, and I'm not sure what you mean by that.
I will be in your situation, I plan to move away to study, and if my husband does not accompany me, he will remain here. (which I hope not)

but anyhow

because you are comfortable, and your daughter needs to see her dad, you and the dad should arrange weekends so that they can see each other.

I am having a hard time discerning whether you have kept your child from the father, or if he is not interested.

Anyway, she must see her dad, and you need to tell her the truth about why you are not there. Children are smarter than we think.

Good Luck

Answer 5

Daughter,

I have been married a number of times but each one untill now has been with women that ended up cheating on me.
Biblically, Ther ONLY justifiable reason for divorce is when the spouse cheats. When one cheats, trust is destroyed. With out trust, there really is NO marriage at all. In my opinion, you should not even give it one little thought. He chose to put his own selfish wants ahead of you, and ahead of all he could have had with you. The children deserve to know thier father so do not hesitate to let them meet but be sure that you keep control of the situation. And by all means, if the children want to know why mommy and daddy are not togather,tell them the truth, they can handle more than you might expect or even believe. As for your ex, well he made his choice. I once waited for over aa year for a cheating wife to decide what she wanted to do. At the end of that year I filed for divorce. She then got angry and tried to make like everything was my fault that she really wanted to make ammends but I no longer trusted her and I had only waited because it took me that long to let go of the love I had for her. I no longer love nor hate her and the Good Lord above has blessed me with a new wife who is faithfull and love me, our children and herself.

I wish you the very best and am sorry that you have had to go through this kind of hurt. Trust in the MAN upstairs and all things will work for your own good. ;-)

Answer 6

No NO NO!!!! Don't you ever do that!!! Why would you want him back??? That would be terrible after everything he put you through. He will cheat again...because he knows you would forgive him and take him back on anything! Why would you get your children used to him there and to blow up their world by him walking out again. You are stable and doing better without him. You can't trust this man...it will never work to do nothing but break your heart all over again. I would go to a counselor and talk to a proffesional about this before i would make any decision to let him back into my life.

Answer 7

If you don't trust him, you can't have a real marriage with him. You could try some kind of counselling, which might help you learn to talk to each other, so you could each see the other's side, but that will only work if you really want it to. I know this sounds very childish, but it sometimes helps to write down a list of "pros" and "cons" when making a big decision.

Answer 8

Chic its not worth it. You are better off without him in your life. You need to make him pay you child support for the baby that will be a big help to you. Once a cheater always a cheater so leave him alone you will find someone that will be good to you. Just remember....You get bitten once its the dogs fault... You get bitten two times its your own fault.

Answer 9

you recognize what your a shameless guy, in actuality you have been cheating on your spouse from the time you purchased married or perhaps in the past. Why did you get married to her interior the 1st place in case you nonetheless choose to maintain slipping with 9 different women. the terrific difficulty which you will do it supply her a divorce sure for specific tell her. and why the hell would desire to you be even fearful approximately custody you do not deserve the youngsters additionally. depart HER

Answer 10

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh no after he cheated on you and then your going to give him another chance i dont think so and my dad cheated on my mom when i was younger and my mom hated him since but she still is nice to him because he made a mistake and had another kid but that doesnt mean you have to be mean to him.
I hope i was a help for you and your x.

Answer 11

I wasn't been in the kind of the situation you're in, I just want to help you...
Only your heart can answer your question, but my advice is, give him a very last chance...and do your best for each other for the very last time. who knows if this will work...