I am remarried. My 26 year old son still lives at home. While I am now wanting him to move out and feel?

Question

that he is financially ready, my husband says that because I let him live with us until now I have made my son less a man and that 26 year olds don't still live with their parents. I disagree that I took my son's manhood away from him and that there are plenty of 26 year olds that still live with their parents. My son pays rent. Help. It's causing a rift in my marriage because we have different opinions.

Answer 1

Come on Mom - you gotta let go. One of your biggest mistakes is to date this man and plan to marry and not involve your son to the point that he had a time limit to get himself together and get out. Your husband is right - to some degree - I don't think you have made him 'less' than a man, but you have encouraged him to be dependant. He is old enough to get his own place - have his own friends and live his own life. It's time for you and your husband to have this private time for yourselves. Sit your son down and talk to him. Let him know you love him and will always love him - there is no man who can 'take his place' because he is 'son' and 'husband' is different. The relationships are different. Your son should be old enough to understand this. If not - he will. Give him a date (discuss with hubby) that he needs to move out on his own and stick to it. If he is working and making money, paying rent, then he is experienced int he ways of life. Let him develop into the man he is supposed to be - and move out from under your roof. You have to be firm, but loving and I know it will hurt - but if you want your marriage to work in harmony - you have to do this - you are not making choices between the two - they have separate roles - and you have to see that - as well as your son. Good luck.

Answer 2

I beg to differ with ALL of you----more adult KIDS live at home with their parents NOW then at any other time in HISTORY.... even MARRIED COUPLES tend to move in with one parent or the other in the beginning of a marriage... IF this 26 year old is paying rent, at least his mom is making him RESPONSIBLE... if he is putting money away in a savings account, then she is also teaching him how to save for what he wants... SUPPOSE he wants to buy a house? I know 36 year olds who are still home with MOM and/or Dad... If it causes a problem with the new husband, I can understand HIM wanting the son to move out....and maybe it WOULD be best because I'm sure that with 3 in the house there HAS to be a good amount of friction....IF, however, your son frittered his money away and saved NOTHING, then the only reason he stayed home was so he could buy any kind of "TOYS" that he wanted without worrying about other bills---then KICK HIM OUT NOW and let him grow up... He's going to make some woman a MISERABLE husband unless he gets some time to live on his own and taste the REAL LIFE.

Answer 3

Whether or not your son pays rent he is still 26 years old. People who are that old and still living with their parents still have a problem with growing out of that childish stage. In some things they do you can still see that child in them. Let your son go and let him know what it is like to be on his own because after a while it will be too late and your son would be too comfortable to leave. Don't you want him to start a family and have your grandkids.

Answer 4

Sounds As If Hubby Is Jealous Of Son.....He's Ur Son If He Lives With You,Till He's 90...Not Preaching, But The Bible Teaches The Men To Stay Home Till Their Weddings......

Answer 5

honestly he right but he is also your son and it may be a good thing for you hes at home but think about this if he meets a girl why would anyone want a guy who isnt dependent or has his head on straight why would any normal girl want a guy 26 that is still living with his parents thats kinda strange i say let him go and have his life so it wont cause chaos in yours

Answer 6

I know how ya feel..... I have 3 grown sons..... the oldest has moved in and out since he was 19..... he is here now...... the middle boy was home until he was 21, moved out for 3 yrs. , came back for one, and just bought a home..... youngest has also been in and out..... him and oldest have been married and divorced.... our door should be a revolving door...... BUT, there is a time to push the birdies out of the nest..... IF your son is ready, like you say, then sit him down, and TALK to him about all this, help him find a place and make a plan...... as for your new hubby.... he is wrong about the taking sons manhood, that is just wrong..... times are different..... it is harder for these young folks...... but, they do have to learn to stand alone, just as we did....... and also your husband is probably wanting YOU to himself...... after all the years of marriage, 31 for me, I am still waiting to have the house for just US !!!!!! I am past ready for that..... I WANT my husband all to myself....... and I am sure that is partly how your husband is feeling........ He wants you and him to have a life TOGETHER !!!!!!!! God bless

Answer 7

I am sorry to say, but your husband is right. As long as you are there for your son to lean on so heavily, he is not going to learn to stand on his own. We, as parents are guilty of either over parenting or under parenting in this day and age, because of the way the world is anymore.
I would very nicely explain to your son that it is time for him to look for a room mate or a place of his own, you and your new husband need some time to bond. Assure him that he is loved and he will always be welcome to visit, but you think it is time he gets on with his life, instead of letting it get stale by staying and "protecting" you!
Good Luck!

Answer 8

sorry to say this but very few 26 yr olds live at home.not meaning to sound harsh but honey its time to say ok your a man,get a home and your own life.hes only person that old i know of that lives at home.mom cut the strings,let him grow up and make it on his own.im a mom and grandma both for the record

Answer 9

if your son isnt financially ready then you cant just kick into the streets. say to your son " son. you know i love you, but i realize youre getting old enough to move out and get your life started. i realize its hard to find roommates these days, but i'd like to talk about this."
there are three tips i know that i'll share with you, which are about the best ways to communicate with someone you have a beef with.
1. state how you feel, but try not to blame while doing such
ie: "i cant believe youre still living with us" - horrible
2. not use words that sound like youre blaming them or youself.
ie: "maybe its my fault." or "you havent been trying hard enough" - horrible
3.use a method that invites them to talk but doesnt nessicarily means they have to.
ie: "i'd like to talk about this" -wonderful

good luck.

Answer 10

well the scientifical explanation would be is: your screwed now