What should I do about a husband that won't respect me for being a stay at home mom?

Question

He doesn't think my job is hard b/c I stay home. And he doesn't think it is a job since I don't earn money!

Thank you all for your imput. To those of you who think I should let him do it... lol that would be nice.. I have tried He is a lazy selfish MAN. I have went out on my own like 2 times in the past 4 years and both times I have come home to him sitting in front of the T.V. playing video games. Instead of playing with our daughter. He won't even stop to feed her. She eats at 3. i came home at 6 and he had not even given her lunch. He won't take the time to spend wth her even if he promises and he is in the military and goes away often for months at a time.... And talkingto him is like talk to a brick wall!

Answer 1

Print this out for him.

If the typical stay-at-home mother in the United States were paid for her work as a housekeeper, cook and psychologist among other roles, she would earn $138,095 a year, according to research released Wednesday.

This reflected a 3 percent raise from last year’s $134,121, according to Salary.com Inc , Waltham, Massachusetts-based compensation experts.

The 10 jobs listed as comprising a mother’s work were housekeeper, cook, day care center teacher, laundry machine operator, van driver, facilities manager, janitor, computer operator, chief executive officer and psychologist, it said.

The typical mother puts in a 92-hour work week, it said, working 40 hours at base pay and 52 hours overtime.

A mother who holds full-time job outside the home would earn an additional $85,939 for the work she does at home, Salary.com.

Last year she would have earned $85,876 for her at-home work, it said.

Salary.com compiled the online responses of 26,000 stay-at-home mothers and 14,000 mothers who also work outside the home.

Answer 2

There's an old saying, "Nothing is too hard for the person who doesn't have to do it." In other words, he needs to walk a mile in your shoes, preferably with a vacuum in one hand and a dustmop in the other.

The thing is, you can't make him change his mind, but you can sure give him the opportunity. For one thing, you do "earn" a share of your family's finances. Every year, there's an estimate made of what it would cost the average family to hire someone to do the things a "stay at home mom" does. One estimate, from Salary.com, says that if you were to "quit work," your family would have to come up with $138,000 to replace you.

These aren't "pink, fuzzy, feel-good" numbers. They're based on what it would cost to pay someone to clean the house, cook, run errands, babysit, and all of the other jobs you do every day for a year.

First off, you take your husband to Salary.com and show him the estimate. Then, you explain to him that you feel your contribution to your family isn't being viewed with respect, or valued. You say you're a mom - what is more important than helping to raise and teach the next generation?

It may be time to visit the idea of couples' counseling. If one of you feels dismissed and unvalued, it's an issue - and one you don't want to pass on to your kids.

Answer 3

well, we all know that staying home is work. The mom part requires much patience, and dedication. Maybe if you were to map out the money needed for day care, should you not be there, the money for private schooling, activities transportation, etc. Around the home, what does it cost to have someone make your meals, the bus boy to clean up and finish off the kitchen to clean standard. Then there is the maid who comes in to clean the house, make the beds, the bathrooms, vacuum and dust.

SO if you were to seriously be told you are not earning your keep because you do not EARN money, you can come up with the amount of money that would be SPENT, should you not be there! Aren't' they similar?

Also, how does this man regard his mother? was she un-respected when she was raising him? How about now, does he hold her in high regard for the job she did? might be you have early warning signs on things to be with this man. Respect needs to come both ways in a marriage.

Answer 4

The first thing I would ask you both is - what did you agree upon when you married and decided to have children? It's good if you can afford to stay home and care for your children, but if your husband is caring the entire weight of the financial burden of the home and he is stressed out - then you might want to join in and help. Parenting and working is a difficult thing to do, but folks do it all the time. You and hubby need to sit down and talk about it. Perhaps you can work part time to help ease the load. If you love your husband, you will want to make sure that he is not stressed and that you have a successful marriage. Perhaps you can exchange roles sometimes - he'll see. Taking care of kids can be just as involved. But women do it all the time - working in the home, outside the home, running the family, and so much more.

Answer 5

He needs a lesson in reality. I think you should take a weekend and go away. Leave the kids & your wonderful hubby on their own....and make sure his Mommy (or any other female) won't be available to help him! I guarentee he'll change his tune and your house will be a train wreck when you get home. Guys like this need a yank into the 21st centeruy. Does he know it's the year 2007? Does he respect his Mom? Good luck!

Answer 6

Don't ask him to take your place for awhile, and don't just stop your work so he can see what it is you do. The quickest way to get the point through to him is.........hire others to come and do the jobs you do and let him write the checks to pay them for their services. Hit him in the pocket book right where it counts, and this way he will see what you do has a lot of value and the market for your services is not cheap. It shouldn't take too long, but if it does and he asks you what you are doing tell him you just got a job and are teaching now. lol

Answer 7

Well that's too bad he feels that way....tell him switch places when the kids come. I think he'll be begging to back to whatever he's doing....you're a queen....I know your job and I respect you for it...you don't need his respect to know your job is important b/c I know your job and baby I know your worth and it's a whole lot. He will come to understand all you do over time. I heard on the radio that SAHM's salary would be something like 123g's when all the jobs they do are added up.....so baby you deserve a raise. I'd go get his credit card and go get yourself a new outfit and spend the day at the spa....you deserve it...Tell him all you do....He comes home to a clean house, cooked dinner, made lunches, run errands for the family...etc..etc...

Answer 8

Locate you area's "Legal Referral" phone number. If you have trouble finding it, look up the local Bar Association and ask them for Lawyer Referral.
This way you get an hour or a half hour of a divorce lawyer's time -- for only about $30.
DO NOT BREATH A WORD OF THIS TO THE HUSBAND.
Tell the lawyer your situation, tell him you just "want to explore your options and where you stand." It doesnt mean you are divorcing - it is just amazingly good to find out where you stand.
Because your husband will never change.
Good Luck,
Anna

Answer 9

You know what do that go get a job and put the kids in daycare or send them to their grandparents house during the day and when your husband complains stuff not getting done around the house and stuff . Tell him tough some times you should watch what you wish for cause you just might get it.You don't have to put up with that domineering B.S. So don't.

Answer 10

That's ridiculous. You stay at home and take care of children. That's a full time job if you ask me. It should be your choice whether or not to stay home or work. But if it bothers him that much maybe you should really sit down with him and talk about how it's affecting you.