question about my ex and I. Please read entire thing. Seriously.?

Question

my ex and I have been broken up for about 5 months. He broke it off with me because we were having a lot of problems. we were fighting like everyday. We have known each other for 8 years. We are both 24 and we dated back when we were 17. It didn't work back then and well, it didn't work this time either, but we feel we have something so special that we can't let it go. We started talking about a month ago, on instant message and we talk just about every day now. At first when we broke up with me, the first few months, we only conversed through email. So it has been 5 months and it's astep that we are talking again like this. I want us to rush back into the relatinoship, but he wants to take it slow. He is prob smart about that. We both have stuff that we haven't resolved. Everyone I know says to not rush him or just jump rite back into the relationship again, or the same thing will happen again. He wants us to take it slow, but says there is no timeframe. That he won't say that we have

to wait until a certain time. I asked him if it could happen in 1 months, 2 months, 6months and he said yes, that could happen and if we both feel that we are comfortable again, it will happen. So atleast he isn't wanting to wait forever. I have knonw him almost half of my life, and I can say one thing. He likes to take it slow. That is how he is. Well please any advice would be great. Please don't say he has someone else. We are both long distance too. Yeah it sux. Also one more thing, he does want to work on things. he told me he did. I guess we are kinda together since we both know we want to try . we are trying even though we aren't boyfriend and girlfirend rihtnow. we took a step back, I guess.

errrr.. just cuz we have known each other for 8 years does not mean we have been together that whole time. The last time we dated before this time was when i was 18. So that just goes to show that I haven't just been with him. I have been with many other relationships. and we aren't wanting to date anyone else. we are talkin to each other and tryin to make things better between us so we can get back together.

Is it good to take it slow and not jump right back into a relationship when you haven't dealt with all the issues for the reason why you broke up with each other in the first place?

Answer 1

You need to take however long it takes, and get all the issues ironed out, before trying it again. Good Luck!

Answer 2

If the problems have not been worked out then they are still there. Sometimes people get used to a person or a relationship and when it is not there they want it back. I have always believed that if two people are meant to be together you know it from the start and it all falls into place. When people keep going back and neither person has changed then it will end the same. If you are meant to be then taking it slow and not having a time line on getting back into a relationship will give you both time to see if you can work it all out. Why rush into it there is nothing wrong with being friends and sorting things out. Give love a chance to grow and give you both the time to see if it is what you want.

Answer 3

I've read over your entire thing and am unsure of what feedback you're really asking for. Most people are probably going to tell you he's right that taking it slow is the best thing. Asking if it will be in 1 month, 2 or even 6 is an unrealistic question to ask. If you have issues to work on then focus on them and not how long it takes. Relationships worth having are lot of work. Building a strong foundation in communication and problem solving are key factors in relationships that work long term. In the mean time don't limit your options, he maybe someone who turns out to be just a good friend you can count on. Just because you connect on a certain level doesn't mean your compatible for a long term relationship. It's hard enough when your close but distance makes it even more challenging. If your concerned about how much time then give yourself a time frame. If you feel after 6 months that your relationship hasn't progressed enough for you then you can then decide whether it's worth continuing to work on it or move on. This way your giving yourself time without having to stress over the time issue and not pressuring him for when things might happen. Put the decision in your hand to decide what is right for you.

Answer 4

It sounds like he has at least half a brain, and realizes that the issues that either one of you or both of you have/had need to resolved first before jumping back into a relationship that could end up hurting you or him again.

If I were you, I would not push to hard for him to start taking things seriously again. The more you push him, you are not pushing him closer to you, but further away from you. Since you know him very well, you should know when to back off and not to bug him. If he has chosen to work it out with you, love has no timeframe.

Speaking from experience, you do need to go slow--that is what I did and now I am married to my soul mate. We have had our trials and tribulations, but you both need to work together. Relationships are a give and take, this is how you grow as couple.

Good luck to you. Go slow and remember, if he didn't wanna work things out with you, he wouldn't of told you what he did.

Answer 5

Take it slow, deal with the issues. you can't just push problems aside, the will just raise their ugly heads once again. By working together to solve your problems your become better with communicating, and compromising. This will help if you have any other road blocks in the future. If you cannot communicate effectivily with your partner to resolve issues than there really is no hope. I know you wan't to rush back into it, but patience is a virtue. Taking it slow can help you avoid future problems by working out the small kinks along the way instead of rushing past them. No relationship is easy, NO REAL worth while relationship is. Anything worth having, is worth working hard for. And the long distance thing is only going to make it harder. It's not impossible for it to work out well, because I personally know people who are doing just fine with cross country relationships. It takes alot of trust, and alot of flexibility for it to work. Just keep in mind long distance is not for everyone. If you keep having troubles, I would consider an open long distance relationship, rather than an exclusive one. Good luck!

Answer 6

Sounds like you guys need to be friends and leave it at that... if you mix limes and water, you don't get orange juice... you both are trying to do something that should be left alone... the chemistry isn't really there, otherwise you would just click right off... ask anybody, you'll meet people who never fight and they only knew each other for like 3-4 months... move on and best case scenario, keep him as a friend. I think you're scare to let go of all your investment... just see it as a loss and stop investing into it... good luck...

Answer 7

Okay first off if you have had an on again off again relationship for 8 years, I can personally assure you it will not work....I have known my ex boyfriend for 10 years, we were on again off again for 8 of those years, and we finally realized that if it didn't work before unless things have drastically changed your life, it won't work...try being just friends for a while, and meet other people.....trust me you'll be glad you did, you also want to make sure you dont just want him back because he is familiar...lots of people make that mistake, i did too.....you know them and trust them enough to give them your heart over and over again no matter how many times they smash it....because you love them....and long distance relationships are soooo much harder than relationships that are not......long distance relationships require complete trustworthiness...meaning you have to trust that when he tells you something that he is telling you the truth and vice versa....also requires a lot of self discipline...you will get lonely and want someone to hold and it becomes very easy to cheat......My advice to you is to take it slow and become friends, maybe you'll be happier just friends.

Answer 8

I have carefully read your post and I think your relationship problem is with you. Hear me out. Think about what I am about to say. This man of yours senses that your involvement with him is too much. What I mean is that he wants you to take a step back, gather yourself together, establish your own lifestyle and then re-approach to determine if you two will match up. This is very perceptive on his part. He is doing the right thing for you and for him.

Now for your part. Understand that a relationship stems from the desire to be in each other's company. This is a "magnetic pull" if you will to get back in each other's space (company). When someone is not settled with their selves that company is not delightful. What ensues is combat, generally driven by a dissatisfaction in oneself. Your fella obviously enjoys your company for the most part, but feels you are unsettled. Why? I do not know. I do know your post indicates you are still searching for something that is missing. Not in him, in you. With this link missing your relationship will have "a lot of problems."

I suggest you thank him for giving you this time for self discovery and go out and discover what you are longing for. Then re-approach and see how things go. Time out without growth accomplishes zilch. Do your work. Then merrily return if you are compelled.

Answer 9

Please take it slow. As you stated, there are some unresolved issues with the both of you. You need to work on your issues and allow him to work on his. If not, you will continue to have the same problems and the relationship will never work. You need to enjoy yourself and date others to ensure you really want to be with this person. Sometime we listen to our hearts and not our minds. The only way you are going to know if this is the right person is to give me space and allow him to grow as a person. You guys started dated at a young age, therefore, you will have a problem with letting go. You need to ask yourself why do you want to be with this person. Take your time because time will tell all.

Good Luck!

Answer 10

?, was this an issue 4 u b4...RUSHING? Quit trying to put a label on what U have or compare it 2 what some1 else appears 2 have or give him ultimatums or any other demands. U cannot....let me repeat this 4 ne1 else who may b guilty of it...YOU CANNOT NOT put timeframes or demands on true luv. If it's meant 2 b, it in fact will b. & I know w/o a doubt if it's meant 2 b & u just let go, going w/d flow... not only will it b worthwhile 4 u but he'll b less likely 2 keep u waiting when d time comes 4 d next step. u making demands & u only a girl--friend (w/o ne legal ties)... u smart so i know u get the pic :-)

Answer 11

Sounds like you were friends for a long time .I think you have to be friends first in order to make it as a pair. Yes, take it slow and resolve any problems first. Maybe that's what you will remain -just good Friends and would that be so bad.