Our son is very young and when dad cancels coming to pick him up for the weekend he has a very hard time with it, He thinks his dad is lieing to him like before, But I'm not sure he is able to handle the truth. Before dad was diagnosed he would make promises and not keep them now he has a legitament reason for not coming to pick him up but he dosnet know. So i have him in counseling now but telling him the truth may be too much so let him go on thinking dad is lieing about coming to pick him up? when dad is realy having his cancer treatments?
2007-05-15 14:58:09 · 20 answers · asked by sheila M. 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
it's got to be very difficult for your son to understand why his father was cancelling his visits. i think it was a very wise decision when you put him into counseling.
i'm sure that, your child will at least learn it's not his fault when adults fail to keep promises.
i think it's very important to talk with our children about illness and/or death. hiding this from him and lying to him isn't really fair, and later in life he may resent you for keeping him in the dark.
i have found some websites about how to talk with our kids about illness or death of a parent. perhaps these will be helpful... and i'm sure your child's therapist could be of great assistance, as well.
sorry to hear you're going through this. i'm sure it's been heart wrenching for you, as well. it's so difficult to see our children hurting.
sending hugs.
2007-05-15 15:11:11 · answer #1 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Children are very perceptive and don't need the help of grown ups to tell them what someone is like. They know what it means when he doesn't show up for visits. No matter what his age your son deserves to know the circumstances surrounding his father right now. Counseling is good but you might find out later in life that he will resent you for keeping this information from him. You don't have to provide any gory details. Just explain it to him at his level. Daddy may not always be able to spend time with you because he found out he's sick. More details can be provided as he gets older and asks about them. It's never good to lie. I know your heart is torn because you want to protect your son so think of how this might affect him if you decide not to tell him. Do you really want him thinking that he's not coming for another reason? All you can do is provide him with the truth and help him cope with what ever the reasons are.
2007-05-15 15:08:56 · answer #2 · answered by Orion 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask your Ex how he would like for you to handle it? You don't want to lie to your son because if his father dies, he will always wonder what else you are keeping from him. Maybe a good idea would be to explain that his Dad has lung cancer and is getting treatments. That is the reason he can't come pick him up is because his Dad is really sick. If he asks if his Dad is going to die, you can say, "We hope not. We think he is going to get better." Then don't say any more about it.
2007-05-15 15:02:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask you sons counselor if he thinks your son can handle the truth and what they think would be the best way to approach telling him. He does need to know. These may or may not be some of his dads final days. He will eventually think you were keeping him from his dad in his final days if he dies from the cancer. Take it slow and ask the professionals.
Good Luck
2007-05-15 15:02:51 · answer #4 · answered by smile4u 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old is 'very young'? Apparently Son is old enough to understand that Dad was suppose to come (whenever) and didn't, therefore he should be old enough to understand that Dad is pretty sick (but getting treatment) and that's why he CAN'T come. Of course you should tell Son. Why would you even question this? Is there something else you haven’t mentioned?
2007-05-15 16:05:24 · answer #5 · answered by kp 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't lie to the kid.Because if dad dies and the son find out that you knew all along,he will hate you for it.Tell the truth,that his dad is sick.And what is going on.Have the dad there and you both tell this kid the turth.Kids understand more than what grownups thinks.I hope things go well for you all.God bless
2007-05-15 15:05:56 · answer #6 · answered by rebecca_autry2003 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you keep lying to your son, your son is going to think of your dad in a negative way and might have problems down the road in his life, and relationships if you do not tell him the truth. Please think of your son's future, and not fill his head with lies that will effect him for the rest of his life. A child thinking dad is too busy for him will impact him now, later, and in his adult life.
2007-05-15 15:01:09 · answer #7 · answered by SillierKimmy! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kids often LIKE knowing the truth, no matter how much it hurts...it's far better than the lies.
So quit lying and tell the kid the truth and let him know his Dad is having a hard time, it might be better for the kid in the long run...
2007-05-15 15:01:51 · answer #8 · answered by Chrys 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him you really don't know why in the past his Dad couldn't make it when he said he could, but right now his Dad is sick and having to see the doctors a lot, and he is weak and unable to do a lot of things that he would like to do. You don't have to scare your son....
2007-05-15 15:03:36 · answer #9 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yoou must use age appropriate information, but you need to tell him dad is sick, and tell him what he should know,
You will strengthen his trust in both of you and there will be no need of counseling anymore. It is amazing what a little truth can do.
2007-05-15 15:12:02 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋