poetry for her?

Question

making a poem for my girlfriend of 2 weeks

how good is this poem?
do you think she will like it?
when should I give it to her?


Oh cold blue eyes

your beautiful cold blue eyes shatter me
into a million little pieces
Oh how could the two of us be
yet I will feel for you until my life ceases

Friends first that's the way it goes
hopefully it will work
Oh however no one knows
and the way I feel has began me to irk

My heart is heavy every time I see you
pass me in the halls
Oh I only ask that you
Be with me when I fall

However I feel I have stumbled
for your beautiful eyes
Oh how my heart rumbles
when I see those beautiful cold blue eyes

Answer 1

After only two weeks, you might want to wait at least another month or so.

Long answer: Okay, if you want honest criticism, here it is. "Cold blue eyes" insinuates that she herself is "cold" and I'm not sure I'd take that as a compliment. Unless that is what you are going for, in which case, go for it. One more thing, you might work on your rhyme scheme a bit. Try and find some less predictable words to rhyme with other than "eye" and "eyes", "you and you", etc.

You have an obvious talent for writing. This poem is very well written and your emotion is palpable which is a very good thing!

Short answer: Wait a couple of weeks and see how you feel about her. Adjust the poem accordingly. :-)

Answer 2

"Cold" implies something negative.
An unhealthy relationship is when you project blame or responsibility on the other person for what happens.
No one can survive in that kind of environment.
Relationships are about sharing, giving first before taking,
and especially without conditions or expectations.

Love exists for love's sake and does not want in return.

So this poem talks about your fears and insecurities,
not about celebrating her beauty. Is this what you want to share? If so, I think there is a better way to talk about it in terms of you, and your vulnerability, not of her as the focus or the fault. Can you ask her support as a friend to talk through your thoughts feelings so you can work things out honestly without fear, no matter how it turns out? I would tell her you value her and your friendship together, and want to keep that no matter what, even if your feelings aren't the same or they change. It's the honest sharing and connection you treasure and respect, no matter what the thoughts or outcomes are.

Crystal Blue

Your crystal blue eyes shatter me
into a million little pieces
Reflecting insecurities
Humbling me, completely
Yet I feel for you despite my worst fears

Friends first that's the way it goes
hopefully it will grow
Who knows how things will work
Can we learn without the hurt

My heart is heavy at the thought
As you pass me in the halls
Could we still be friends
Even if I fall

However I may stumble
for your beautiful eyes
Oh how my heart rumbles
To share what's deep inside

Answer 3

If a guy wrote and gave me a poem after only two weeks it would freak me out. But I am a commitment phobic person so anything that smacks of emotional intensity scares the heck out of me.

You wrote it. You want to give it to her. Give it to her when it feels right to you. If it freaks her out then she is not right for you. If she loves it then you have reason to celebrate and write more poems.

Answer 4

find someone else to write a better poem for and redo this one, you don't need cold blue eyes