who should be invited to share a graduation when parents are divorced?

Question

i have been separated/divorced now for almost 5 years.(was married for 16 yrs) it was a very sudden thing when my ex decided he shoould have married his friend from high school so after i figured out something was going on he told me he was leaving no wanted to try nothing.( we very rarely fought) i was devastated and i think am still in love with him even though i am very mad at times with him. my kids were 11,14and 14 when we separated he still had contact any time he wanted but most of the time too busy for them either working or taking off to go see her.now they are married and my kids have spent some time with them. my daughter wants to invite his new wife to her graduation from a 2 yr college but i am not comfortable with seeing my ex and his new wife together. i would rather she didnt go. i am afraid i will just be hurt all over again

Answer 1

I understand that you are hurting, but your daughter's graduation is not about you. It is about her. As her mother, it is your job to make sacrifices for her happiness. My suggestion would be for you to put on your big girl pants, deal with seeing your ex and his new love, the go home and have a good cry. Good luck!!

Answer 2

You have to let it go and allow your daughter to have peace in her life. She loves both her mother and her father and she did not ask for this in her life. She has worked hard for this degree and wants to share this accomplishment with both her parents. If her father comes to the graduation it is only right that he will bring his wife.... if you stop her from comming how will that make you look to your daughter and to everyone else. You have to do this for your daughter I realize that this will not be easy for you but don't give your ex and his wife that much power!!! Be strong and stand tall and be proud of your child. Once you do this it will get easier because there will be many things in the future that will bring you all together. In time maybe you will learn to get over your ex and find somebody who will respect you and value a relationship with you. When you do you will have someone by your side to support you and be there for you. You deserve to find happiness and in time it may come if you want it to. What your ex done was very hurtfull to you but there are good people out there ...your ex just was not right and what goes around comes around. You go and and hold your head up and do not allow anyone to keep you from it! Take along a good friend or family member that can be there with you sweetie. Congradulations on your daughters sucess.

Answer 3

I have been put in the same predicament, so I'll tell you what I've done, and it's seemed to work fine.

My parents divorced two years ago after having been together for 22 years. My dad remarried his high school sweetheart 6 months after the divorce, as he had gotten back into contact with her after the divorce was finalized. I've grown to like her, in spite of that. I invited BOTH my mom AND my dad and new stepmom to my high school graduation this Saturday. I realized that my mom wants to be a part of my life even though she's not my blood mom because she does care about me. There's no worrying about them sitting next together, as they'll sit on opposite ends of the stand - no harm done. I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings by not inviting them, and I know that they'll work it out amongst themselves and it's out of my control. It might be awkward, sure, but that's expected with a divorce. He's my father and I know that he wants to see his last child graduate high school and to be a part of my life, and he can't be expected to show up without my stepmom, so I just deal with it. Good luck. Hope this helps.

Answer 4

Confronting your demons is the best way to move on. Yes, it is your daughters day, so I agree with everyone else who says she should invite whomever she wishes, but how you are going to handle it will be hard. He left you 5 years ago, so you would have done a lot of healing in that time. You are stronger than you think. You went through the grieving process which is a killer...youve been through the worst, so maybe you wont have the feelings for your ex that you are thinking you may have. Maybe for your healing process to be really over you need to see them together as man and wife to make you realise it is trully over between the two of you. Maybe if you see them together, it will enable you to move on with your life and maybe find someone else to fill the void your husband left. Whatever the case, your daughter does have the last say....but think of it as a positive experience for yourself as well, and confront your demons head on. You are much stronger than you are giving yourself credit for.

Answer 5

The graduation is about your daughter, not you, and I think if your ex and his wife are invited, they should go. Just try not to be around them, and try not to look sad. Show him you're okay without him and bring a friend of your own. It's just you can't control whether or not they go, since graduation is one of the most important memories of your entire life, and your daughter should have everyone there to share it with her.

Answer 6

You need to be a grown up and act like one. It has been 5 years now, get over it. She should be able to invite them to her graduation. Those places are so big you will never even see them and if you do keep walking! If you were having a party for her, then you should not invite them to it. They should have there own for her.

Answer 7

This is your daughter's graduation and it should be all about her. If she wants her father and new wife there, then that's what should happen. Yes, it will be painful for you. Take someone who is emotionally supportive and can help you get through this trying time. But don't forget to celebrate your daughter's graduation.

Answer 8

Just Go. You Cant Stop him From Loving anybody, now I KNOW that people are going to be like " Bring a fake to make him jealous" DONT! That will make things seem like a competition. serious. just go and enjoy yourself, smile the WHOLE TIME and just make it the best of what you can. DONT LET IT GET TO YOU! I know you think you still love him, but just act like theyre not even there... and if she comes up to u being all nice, say as little as possible so you dont say somthing that would make her mad... but BE NICE I think you should be there for your son/daughter as much as your ex should! You both raised him/her and he deserves to be there and bring whoever he wants to. Please, just take this advise and it should get you through the day!! HOPE THIS HELPED!!!!!!! ~COOKIEDOUGH~

Answer 9

That is something for your child to decide. It is her day. And you may as well get use to seeing them together because there will be weddings and grand-babies down the road. So, toughen up and keep your hurt to yourself. Or your unhappiness will ruin every occasion from this point out. Don't make her graduation about you. Be classy about it.

Answer 10

This isn't about you, this is about your daughter. It probably will hurt you to see him and/or see them together but you need to be adult about this, greet them and be cordial ~ it doesn't mean you have to start socializing with them but you need to show your children how to act when they are in an uncomfortable situation and support your children because whether you like it or not, he's still their father and he is married and if the tables were reversed, you'd want the same consideration.