If you found out that basically your whole life is a lie, what would you do?

Question

Adopted for 21years.........

Answer 1

Wow this is such an emotional question. So hard to answer cause you are probably feeling so lost and alone at the moment. So here goes....

Well me personally I would probably be so shocked I would cry. If it is only fresh news then you are going to be shocked for quite some time. After things settle down, hopefully you'll be able to start seeing things in another light.

Not really knowing how you found out, guessing your adoptive parents told you when you hit 21. (Just a guess). Try and imagine how they are feeling about how this has all turned pear shaped. They maybe kept it from you for so long, to protect your feelings. Now you are 21 they thought possibly you were at a mature age to hear something like this. They have probably been so frightened of this day in fear they would get this response from you. Such hard news to give and such hard news to recieve. I know you are mad for lots of reasons, Why???, abondonment, lies or should I say secrets sweetie secrets. You have every right to be, but try not to take it out on the wrong people. Presuming you have two adoptive parents. Think that they chose you love, just you. To raise you with love, support, warmth, cuddles, laughter etc... Just because they are not your blood parents, they are still your Mum & Dad.

For your Mum who gave you up. There is a possibitily of finding her. Maybe that will take some of your pain and confusion away. If you know the reasons behind your adoption. There may be many reasons love. She may have wanted to give you a better life. Maybe she was alone and wanted to give you two lovely parents. In the old days things were so different than today. Try not to blame, just ask questions. For your own piece of mind. Try not to think why didn't she want me, whats wrong with me. Replace that with (if you can) Your Mum & Dad wanted you sweetie. Thats something.

I have a son who is not my husbands blood son. Although he calls him Dad. They are inseperable. My husband absolutely adores my, or should I say our son and vice versa. Just because there is not blood connecting them, it has no boundries on the amount of love they have for each other. Someone can have blood parents and be totally mistreated, abused etc... Somone can have adoptive parents and be totally supported, cherished and loved. Blood is just blood. Love is a special gift to give and even more special to recieve no matter who or where it comes from.

I hope I have helped you, good luck with your journey. If need be get some counselling if you feel you can't cope. :) x

Answer 2

Why would you call it a lie?

Your parents raised you, they loved you,they gave you everything parents should...and even more so they did it without you even being a biological offspring...which shows even more love because they took you when your real parents didn't want to or couldn't care for you.

Does it make them less of your parents just because your mother didn't give birth to you?

Your life isn't a lie. More than likely it is 1000 times better than it would have been if you were raised by your real parents.

Today, adoption is a very open and well understood & accepted thing, 21 years ago, it wasn't...your parents chose to do you the favor of not putting you through the turmoil of being taunted orteased due to being adopted.

Appreciate what your life has given you...

Answer 3

Be thankful that u are adopted. Many others are unwanted and homeless! Most foster parents I know love their adopted very much. So it's not a lie, dear! They love u so much that they dont want to hurt u by telling u that they r not ur bio parent! But that doesn't mean that they lie. They just not telling, that's all. After all, what would be the difference? If u r loved...then just let it go. Dont punish urself unnecessarily. And ur foster parent, they've been thru a lot in raising u up. Dont hurt them. U should thank them 4 that! U never know what u will be even if u were raised by ur bio parent! Just dont think of the history. Look straight ahead and move on. Good luck!

Answer 4

How does that make your whole life a lie? Your friends are still your friends, your home is still your home, your opinions are still your opinions. You still have the same talents. You have the same memories. You don't lose any of your accomplishments. The people you thought loved you still love you. All that's different is who donated the genetic material to make you and who incubated you for the first 9 months of your life that you don't even remember. So what? Even genetically speaking, human beings are overwhelmingly similar to each other; we're a lot more same than different. Your life is still your life.

So if I found out I was adopted, I guess I'd be curious about my biological parents and I guess I'd want to know my biological family's medical history, but beyond that, so what?

Answer 5

Your whole life wasn't a lie. You are who you are because of your adopted parents. I'm sure it's unbelievably hard finding out at 21 years old that you were adopted, but chances are that you're better off with them than you would have been with your biological parents.Be happy that 2 sets of parents loved you enough to give you the life you have. If it's possible, start a relationship with your biological parents and maybe they can help you understand why they did what they did.Good luck.

Answer 6

What I would do (and did) is feel devastated, and then once the shock and anger wore off...ask some questions about my parents. Think about how you were raised how you felt about your family before. If you had a good relationship, then you find a way to get over the feeling of betrayal. That doesn't mean it won't hurt anymore but at least you know you are loved. Try to see it from the side of the parents that raised you, it's very difficult to know when the right time is to disclose something so potentially devastating.

Answer 7

First thing i would do is take the time to thank those that did adopt me. I know many kids from many areas that go in and out of foster homes and never have a real family.

Try to look at the positive and feel fortunate.. Embrace what was giving to u and realize that is your life.. Even though U were adopted.. I am sure there are many questions in your head as to why u were given up and things like. Them are questions you may like answered.

I know a kid that stayed in foster homes all his live since he was 1 year old and never adopted, bounced from one place to another and he never felt like he fit in..No one chose to take him in and keep him and make him one of their own family.

So u r adopted.. Life goes on,.. U r still U!

Answer 8

I have an adopted friend and you know what. She has alot of issues. I really believe that if she were never told she was adopted she would be a much better and happier person today. Peoples childhoods are a huge part of their lives.. they say that nobody has the perfect childhood and that people spend their whole adults lives fixing their childhoods.. Childhoods for everyone are almost like traumatic experiences because when your little you are very very sensitive to negative and positive(why do you think the movie chuckie scared the sh*t out of you when you were 5 and you remember thinking it was so scary then when you watch it again and your 13 your like what the hell that wasnt scary at all)

Ok so my friend that was adopted and told all her life, she is a rebel, brings alot of problems to her family as do alot of adopted kids, every time i go to the restroom with her in a restaurant she says DONT LEAVE WITHOUT ME DONT LEAVE WITH OUT ME like if i'm going to abandon her. ?? She has abandonment issues. She also said when she was little and was told she was adopted she felt like a piece of worthless unwanted sh*t (which had even more of an impact because she was being told that since she was very little..) I think maybe your parents were smart enough to never tell you.. really... the outcome of your life is probably way better than my friend who was told since she was little... She doesn't think her mom loves her, she sleeps around, gets so dependent on guys so easily, so dependent and clingy with people in general, fear of abandonment.. a million issues. i bet you dont any of those! :) I hope I helped, God Bless =)!

Answer 9

Yes it probably hurts to find out you are adopted but in that time you have become a person with your own thoughts and values-take all that you have learned and become and make an even better future, I'm sure your past was not all bad so build on the good things.

Answer 10

Don't think of it in such drastic measures! Your whole life is not a lie. You have come this far with the help of many people and hopefully, you aren't carrying a grudge for the people who have raised you. Although they may not be your birth parents, they made the choice to take care of you when your birth parents couldn't.

I pray that you will be able to locate your birth parents so that you can resolve all this confusion in your head and begin to heal from the secret that was held from you. God bless!