we have been married 16 years, and we swing, is that normal?

Answer 1

Different strokes for different folks. If both of you are OK with it and have retained your love and trust for each other, then it is not abnormal....but after reading your other question about having affairs and no trust, then I guess the answer is clear....your swinging has destroyed you marriage.

Answer 2

Perfect answer Ziggy!

A lot of people are confusing the word "normal" with "good". Two ways of looking at normal:
1) Most common in any given group of people
2) Most natural to the individual or couple.

Whether or not being normal is good was not part of the question. And who cares if swinging is considered normal anyway? If it works for your marriage, then normal or not, it's a helluva lot better than something that doesn't. And I don't care WHAT you want to quote me from the Bible.

Ziggy is so right: marriage is not about religion. Marriage is indeed a very human thing. Making love to your spouse is the closest thing we have to reading one another's minds and joining spirits short of heaven. That doesn't mean that sex can't also be enjoyed without this kind of emotional conversation. Just as a violin can play in an orchestra or in a country-western band, why do we limit such a wonderful communication tool? I think it's great if we can expand its use to communicate friendship and good will to other like-minded people.

But anyway...

I haven't read your other questions, but if there is a lack of love or trust between you and you are both swinging together, you can expect some trouble. You NEED trust and a sturdy, healthy relationship to withstand the rigors of swinging. Please be careful.

Answer 3

You've gotten a lot of good answers, basically coming down to "what is normal?". But I guess I read the question differently, so let me rephrase it a bit. "Is a couple that has been married for over 16 years commonplace in the swinging lifestyle?" This was my interpretation.

Based on our experiences, and the people we've met, this is much more common then you may think. In fact, in our circle of close friends, you would be considered the "short timers"! We have been married 29 years ourselvs, and are still going strong. I think a part of this due to the fact that to be successful in the lifestyle you need a strong commitment between the couple. I definitly would not recommend this to a couple of newlyweds, that are just starting to get to know each other. The last thing you need is to introduce more people that you need to know!

So that's my 2 cents, on another take on a question asked.

Answer 4

There is NO normal. There is what people are willing to admit they do and then there is what people do anyway but wouldn't ever admit. And as for all the people out there that tell you you can't be married, happy AND swing they have no clue what they are talking about. Marriage is not a specific thing with exact rules. It's not a christian thing, not a jewish thing, not a hindu thing, not a buddist thing... It's a HUMAN thing. Whatever works for you and your spouse is right so long as you love each other, take care of each other, and are truthfull with each other.
Remember... Life is meant to be enjoyed. So do what you enjoy as long as you don't hurt anyone else.

Answer 5

I don't know if it's normal, but if you all are happy with each other and truly love each other then it doesn't matter what's normal to everyone else. I watched a thing on TV not to long ago about swingers. They have like this big 3 day camping tip where all these couples come and camp out and just party like crazy! It looked like it would be fun if that's what you were into. I think it was called Swingfest, may-be you can check it out on the web. You might want to try it out!!! Have fun and stay happy!!!!!!!!

Answer 6

You define what is "normal" in your relationship.

If you have been in the lifestyle for very long, you know the answer to that question.

Swingers are "normal" people, they belong to Rotary clubs, they attend church, they are Girl Scout leaders and Boy scout counselors, they mow their lawns on the weekend like everyone else.

The only difference between us and the people above me screaming about their wives as property, is that I don't see my wife as property, we are able to separate sexual activity from emotional attachment when appropriate.

The experience of swinging - in many ways can be equated to the experience of seeing a movie.

I know that sounds odd, but hear me out.

When you and your wife see a movie, the movie does not experience you, you experience it, the movie does not relive you, you relive it, the movie finishes with nothing, you finish with a shared experience, memories, something to dicuss and enrich your lives with.

The same is true of swinging.

The short answer is if you and your wife enjoy your lifestyle, and you do no harm to others or yourselves, who really cares what others think is normal?

Answer 7

If it works for you, then it is normal for you. Does everybody swing? No. Most people can't get over themselves enough to let their partner have fun, they are too insecure that they will not be good enough for their partner if they let their partner experience life. Those that swing know that this is definitely not the case, that their spouse is, and always will be #1 in their life.

So is it the "norm"? No. Is it normal for you? Yes.

Answer 8

In your previous question you were saying that you`ve had affairs and there was no trust left between the 2 of you.........now you want to know if swinging is normal? Haven`t you done enough mistakes yet!

Answer 9

If you have been doing this for 16 years why are you asking us. I guess it is for you if you have been swinging for that long. Kind of a dangerous arrangement these days with all the std's out there though. How can you enjoy something that could kill the both of you? Good luck.

Answer 10

Normal is as normal does. In most circles it wouls not be considered normal. In the Lifestyle it is considered normal. you will get as many answers as the people you ask. The final answer rests with you. What are you comfortable with? Do you sleep easy at night? Are you fighting over this? Is your love for each other stronger? Only you and your spouse can answer these questions. Goodluck with whatever you choose.