Will my boyfriend ever leave his wife for me?

Question

I have been seeing a married man for for 2 years now. We are very much in love we talk on the phone for hours almost every day. He says he is unhappy at home, he doesn't love his wife,but he loves his 2 kids very much .He has himself in a bad finacial situation. He says he can not live on his own until he gets some bills paid off . I know he has some stocks that he could sell to pay off some bills, but he says that if he does that he won't have any money when he leaves her. "What's the difference "I say. At least some of your debt. is paid off. I love him very much and I know he loves me . It is not just sex ,because we don't see each other that often.,but we talk everyday. He says he needs to get his "Ducks in a row" before he leaves . How long should I wait ? Should I just say good-bye?

Answer 1

homewrecker. imagine if you were the wife. have some f u c k i n respect. you are a disgrace. just think about how many lives you are messing with. not just yours(since obviously that's all you care about)-but his, his WIFE'S, and his kids!

Answer 2

This is something that you have to decide for yourself. Of course people on here will pass their moral judgement because he is married and etc. However, outside of that, because obviously you already know that, you have to make your own decision. EVERY man is not the same. They truly are all different. EVERY man is not a liar and there is a small percentage of guys who are in bad situations and who do wait for the right time to leave.

I know two friends of mine who had girlfriends and were married. Both eventually divorced their wife, one did it 1year after he met the girlfriend and another did it 3yrs after. The one who waited 3yrs married the girlfriend and they have been married for 6 yrs now. The other one did not marry the girlfriend and moved on. I am not here to give you a lecture. I am only saying that all men are different. Some lie to string you along for sex or whatever but sometimes there are legitimate good guys. They have taken on a girlfriend which of course everyone will say is wrong, but it doesn't change the situation.

So no need to say being with a married guy is wrong, etc. I am sure you knew all this going in. The issue is what to do now. Well, I don't think anyone can say to you he will never, ever leave. They are not God so they can't forsee the future. However they can tell you that the odds are he may not leave.

You know your guy and when you reach your level of tolerance and you are tired of waiting you will move on. Meanwhile it's just wait and see unless you decide to just move on and stop waiting. No one can gaurantee what your boyfriend will or will not do? Only opinions can be offered.

Answer 3

Well after the first 6 months into the relationship you should of said goodbye. Since you allowed him the chance to prove that he will be leaving his wife and kids. Now when you suggest that he sell his stock to catch up on the bills I thought that was a good Idea. He has no attention of leaving his wife. Sounds as if he has even gotten comfortable in the relationship to having a wife and a girlfriend. Love is a strong emotion that no one has no control of. I can believe that he love you but not enough to leave his wife. You should start the process of letting go of him. Take advantage of the time when you are not seeing him and use that to heal. When you are on the phone with him, let him know how you feel about the relationship. But over all, you need not need to wait for him because his excuse will always be the same, just as long as he is alive he will always have bills, So yes it is time to say Goodbye

Answer 4

Sounds like the typical married man and single girl situation.

Are you aware there are some standard methods a married guy has to follow in order to access the sexual favours of another woman - while being able to avoid committing to leaving the marriage.

1. Describe home life as unbearable, the wife has to be believeably cold and aloof. You have to have been trying to be a good husband (kind, attentive, etc) but she is uninterested or unresponsive. You are so frustrated and almost depressed because it has been going on like this for years.

2. You have not had sex at home for a long time, you are not trying to have sex with the wife anymore - you have given up trying. It was never very good anyway.

3. Must have kids that you love and that you cannot bear to leave behind. Kids must be devoted to their dad and would be traumatised if there home was rent asunder. If you don't have any - make some up.

4. Financial affairs are interwoven with the need to stay married. The cost of divorce, the loss of benefits, the costs of making child support and custody arrangements are always a good start. The most successful excuse to delay leaving the bad marriage is "Once the kids have finished school.... Once they finish university.... Once the get married and move out...."

5. Most women believe sex=love. If you don't tell her you love her then don't expect sex. Its only a few little words and its not like you are in a position that ties you to her if the sex stops or takes a down turn.

6. Talk every day or send little romantic text messages. She doesn't live with you or see who you really are so use these contacts to be the person you want her to see you as. She lives for this contact - this is what she loves as she uses her imagination to fill in the gaps.

7. Enjoy the diversion the girlfriend brings from the mundane. Keep her as separate from your normal life as possible. The closer the relationship gets to "normal" the less exciting and more mundane it becomes.

8. Remember the plan works. There are thousands of guys using it everyday - stick to the above steps.

9. If she starts wanting more just raise the "I'm ready to move out...." hint and for a few weeks her excitement will be uncontainable and you will get brains screwed out. Then drop the "I can't do it just yet because the kid has some illness/the wife has been diagnosed with/my parent has been diagnosed with....

10. Be gallant and a hero through family adversity. Tell her how hard it has hit you, that you feel you can only open up to her. Nobody has ever understood you like she does.

11. When the sex has dropped off, or she is getting a bit too familiar or you have another interest then use the "I just can't do this anymore.... I feel I am betraying my kids (not the wife... use the kids cards often as possible). Or be noble... tell her she needs to be with someone who can give her all she needs and that you can't - although this last one can backfire and make her harder to get rid of.

I just penned this off the top of my head. Sound familiar? Of course your guy isn't like that at all, is he?

Of course he loves you so much that if you decide to stop having sex with him until he leaves his marriage he will still call every day just to say I love you... or will he call for a while until he is certain sex is definitely no going to happen?

Be realistic.... he won't be leaving any time soon. Why should he..... he gets the housework done at home and sex under exciting illicit circumstances when he wants it (when he can get away to see you). All for the bargain price of a few calls or emails.

Open your eyes.... for guys sex does not equal love. Because most women do believe sex = love men have learned to lie to get what they want.

If we don't get sex at home we look for it elsewhere.... since we have to lie to the wife to access it then lying to the mistress to access it just isn't that big a deal.
.
PS... I don't necessarilly practice what I write about.

Answer 5

It is easy, IF he wanted to be with you, what would stop him? He obviously does not care a lick if his wife or children are hurt by his affair with you. And he does not care if you are wasting your life and cheating yourself out of finding a man who CAN make his life with you.
He can say his excuse is getting his ducks in a row. Sounds to me he has ducks in a row for the past 2 years. His "ducks" just don't include having you be in the front part of his life where the world can see.
And I would bet you, if you eneded, you would possibly be shocked to find out there is another woman in his life besides you.
He sounds like a man who will have his mistress untl she has all she can take and leaves him. (Funny I did not say he will leave her...get the difference?)
He wont leave his family. His finances are pretty good if he has had a mistress for two years.
And if he has you so swept away, do you think the man isn't smart enough to keep his wife just as happy?
Two years is a lot of time wasted being involved with a man who never has intentions of taking things to the next level. You have been with him too long to ever have your relationship grow from sex and secrets to something moral and meaningful.
You can waste your life, because that much, you have the power over. The rest, you are wasting your time.

Answer 6

If he truly loved you he would be with you this very moment! He will never leave his wife for you no matter what he is telling you! Many married men have affairs for years because they are getting the forbidden sex. If he has been with you for two years and is still with his wife he is having sex with her to. If he is really planning on leaving her he would take his stocks and pay up all the bills....but he isn't doing that. If he leaves the stocks where they are the wife will get half of it and he will still end up with most of the bills anyway! He would be better off taking all the money and paying off all the bills this way there will not be any for her to take. Then he will only have to pay her child support and he will get visitation with his children. I would be carefull that he is using you. Some affairs make it easy for men to continue staying with their wives. He may be telling you all these bad things about her and she may just be a good woman that this man is running around on. I had a girlfriend that had an affair with a married man for 10 years and when it all came down he was also sleeping with another woman and his wife forgave him. They went to counseling and worked it all out. She couldn't believe it!!! You have to watch these men they will say and do anything for the sexual thrill and excitement. Good luck sweetie.

Answer 7

1. He's a cheater. 2. He's a liar. If you marry a cheater and a liar, you will not be able to trust him--ever. He cheated with you. Can you trust a cheater? I don't think so. So already you are off on a bad foot. Find your own man. This one is taken. He's not yours. Doesn't matter what he says. He's a liar and a cheater. I don't want you hurt anymore. You are in the middle of somebody's marriage. If you married him, would you ever trust him..I mean he's with you. You see what I mean. He's dishonest -- and he's not helping you any. There are laws in businesses now. You BOTH could loose your jobs.

Answer 8

Believe it or not I sympathise with you. I fell in love with a man who told me he was officially separated from his partner but because of the property dispute they still lived in the same house. Im not a stupid person, I just desperately wanted to believe it was true. When we were together I could really feel the love was genuine.

After 18 months of waiting , it was money that was keeping us apart. While I know money gives us a better lifestyle, I also know that if you have genuinely found that one person you trully love and want to be with, then no amount of money would stand in the way of you being together. I believe he probably does love you, but not enough to be with you. And not as much as you love him.

He has basically put a dollar figure on what you're worth to him. Do you really want to devote and commit yourself to someone who has already put a limit on the worth your relationship?

I know how hard it is to walk away, but it is the right thing to do and as long as you allow him to have both of you, he will. If you are ever going to be with him, it will have to be done right. With him as a single man due to his own reasons, not yours.

I promise you one thing. Let go and walk away. Before you know it, you will open your eyes and see the life you've been missing out on, while you've been blinded by your love for him. You are worth more than that.

Answer 9

Sounds like he is a lucky boy. I have only one wife/girlfriend. I suppose that is a pretty nice position to be in with someone nice like you. There must be a lot of comfort in having your support. I guess he manages you pretty well too. It can be tricky otherwise.

Probably makes you complicit in the act of putting it over on the wife. You buy into the guilt right? Sharing makes you have more in common to replace things like waking up together. I think you get less however. You are enough woman to fill a man's needs, after all you know what these are LOL.

But I want to add something. When you press him, I worry that he will try to make you feel bad about your self. So you will not look someplace else. This is very wrong. Supporting you women is one thing we can do in all the world that is the highest importance. You should be there to support her. To make her feel good about herself. To comfort and proivde real support and security.

Answer 10

I've been in a relationship with a married man for 5yrs and have 2 kids by him, we love each other, but I know he will never leave because he has 3 kids with her. I know how you feel, as much as you want something, leaving isn't an option otherwise he would have done it already, best of luck in trying to move on

Answer 11

The fact that you have been seeing this married man for almost 2 years shows that you have very little (or no) self-confidence. I don't say this to be cruel, but obviously that's the way it is. If you are willing to stay by the phone for almost 2 years and take back-seat to a whole other family in hopes that one day your boyfriend will leave them, then I'm sorry to say, you're not altogether there. This guy is playing you for the fool you are. Ditch the guy and start building up your self-confidence.