Do you like this POEM???

Question

i don't have a title for it yet... but what do you think of it? (i'm 14) here it is:

Prancing around so blissful.
Flipping your fine, blonde hair.
Always being so wishful,
getting all of your share.
Shiny, bright-pink finger nails,
the ones you love so much,
the ones that help tell your tales,
so the truth is what you don't clutch.

But you always go around,
as if nothing took place.
You're falling hard on the ground,
to you this is a race.
Can't help curiosity,
I was just wondering...
How in this massive city,
will you make amends to the dead?

Answer 1

1. I think your writing is very advanced for 14.
You show talent and promise, and I encourage you to
publish your poetry and/or pursue creative fiction and even songwriting. Try different genres, and see what works and inspires you the most.

2. The only phrase I would question is the last line. I did not think making "amends to the dead" fits the lighter flow of the previous words. It seems heavy in comparison, coming to a sudden stop, without justification, unless this is an intro to a more serious set of stanzas that asks disturbing questions.

3. As lyrics, your words might make an interesting song. With music, part of the art is making words sound interesting with the notes, so the meaning does not have to be in orderly progression as with literary text which is linear. If so, I would expect some words might change to be very simple, more percussive or more clear for singing to a rhythm:

Prancing around in bliss.
Flipping your fine, blonde hair.
Wanting what you wish,
getting all of your share.

Bright-pink finger nails
Grasp for what you love
Can't count the tales you tell
The truth that you can't touch.

You always go around,
as if nothing took place.
Falling on hard ground,
You run an empty race.
Can't help curiosity,
I'm just wondering if
Living in the city
Is worth dying like this

If you have any interest in guitar or piano, or have friends who write songs, I encourage you to try setting it to music and see if more verses follow that complete a larger thought or story.

Answer 2

Yes! I liked it. I find it to be a very strong and powerful image Can't help but think the first stanza is complete all by itself. Any how... I see talent in it. I greet you at the beginning of your poetic career.

Answer 3

It took an interesting twist at the end. Wasn't quite sure what the end meant. But, that is okay, too.

Answer 4

this is an awesome poem, i wish i could write this good.
i hope you realize that and don't downgrade your work.
i like the second stanza the best. it makes you wonder.

Answer 5

Very nice;
best
of luck~

Answer 6

awww, its pretty cute when it was in the first stanza. but, the 2nd one is also pretty good.

Answer 7

I LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT....... ITS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD