Why do I keep wanting to look at my boyfriends phone numbers on his phone?? I keep thinking that I will catch him doing something wrong(talking to another women). I have never had any trust issues before, I have even had a long distance relationship with someone for over a year, and have never had any worries. He loves me and has really never given me any lajitiment reasons to think otherwise, so why am I so wanting to find him at fault??
We have been together for 2 years, and I question myself with wanting to be with him.
2007-05-15 11:30:33 · 23 answers · asked by Advice25 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Honey, dump him. If you are feeling this way then there is probably a reason. Even if it is a subconcious one. I never have doubts either, but the two times I did... I found out that I was being lied to and cheated on.
2007-05-15 11:34:15 · answer #1 · answered by Earthling 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
In my opinion you are looking in all the right places for all the wrong reasons. Checking his phone is probably the best place to look to find suspicious activity going on, but why? Ask yourself this: "If I find a number on his phone, then what?" Instead of answering the question, how did you respond? Where you happy that you found a number? Are you relieved that he is the scoundrel and your not the one to "blame" for your uncertainty?
Trust is a big issue, but building trust doesn't come from checking his phone. Though you may trust him, there is not good answers you are going to find on his phone, you are either going to find what you are looking for, or you won't and you'll think that your looking in the wrong place.
You don't trust yourself right now. You know that you are avoiding issues that you have about your ownself in this relationship and you don't want to deal with them. Your probably a bit scared, fearful that your not making the right decision. You are trying to reassure yourself that it's not you, that if there is fault it lies with him.
Stop trying to make him the enemy and face yourself. You have a problem, and you don't want to deal with it, or you don't know how. Most importantly, the answer is not on his phone, leave it alone.
Talk to someone about what your questioning yourself about. Talk to your boyfriend about it. Talking about the fact that your not sure about the relationship your in. This shouldn't be a finger-pointing session. You have a problem that you want help with, so ask it. Why do you want to be with him? Why should you continue to be with him? Why does HE want YOU to be with him, and why does he think you should continue to be with him?
Be honest with yourself and your boyfriend. Remember this isn't a "I don't want to be with you because" session. There are questions here, questions that you need to ask yourself and your boyfriend (and the questions isn't why you feel you need to check his phone).
If all else, just ask him why he wants to continue to be with you. If you like the answer, if his answer reassures you about your relationship then say thank you and relax for a bit. Think about if his answer is enough, and what your answer would be, and once you know, tell him; good or bad.
Hope I touched on something you might find helpful.
2007-05-15 18:56:41 · answer #2 · answered by Inquisitive 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Insecurity will cause any human to do silly things whether you are male or female.
If he has not given you a reason to think that he would cheat on you perhaps there is some other reason for your insecurity. Has something within your relationship changed? Less affection that could perhaps just be comfort that you are reading as him looking elsewhere? Less conversation that could just be him feeling that you understand him and you are reading it as him avoiding you?
Talk to him and voice your insecurities and perhaps the need for some reassurance. Let him know also that he has done nothing wrong but that you are just going through something that you need his assistance with getting to the other side.
He loves you, let him be there and reassure you!
2007-05-15 18:39:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
3 things:
1. In your gut you feel as though he is cheating.
2. You've cheated.
3. You're looking for an easy exit.
1. If you feel that he has cheated then communicate with him. Going through his phone is immature. Talking is the way to go.
2. If you've cheated then it is natural to want to blame the partner of the same thing. If you have done this then again, talk to him. Giult will drive a person crazy.
3. You don't seem too happy in this relationship and if you are looking for exits then stop. The only way to walk out of the door is to stand on your two feet and be a woman. don't look to be carried out of this relationship
I think it has to be one of these 3 things because you said you've never had trust issues before. Talk to him!!!
2007-05-15 18:36:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You seem to have some insecurity issues within yourself, by the sounds of things. Find out what they are & deal with them. Maybe you are hoping to find something that you can hold against him because you want out of the relationship. Is this a possibilty? If you want out of the relationship, then be honest with your b/f & don't play " I Spy." That's not fair to him. You shouldn't be with a guy you don't trust & he shouldn't be with a gal who doesn't trust him. Without trust, you have nothing!!!
2007-05-15 18:38:07 · answer #5 · answered by Shortstuff13 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know what u mean i was like that with my hubby well bf at the time,,, The reason ur doing this is because u are so afraid of losing him or he seems to good to be true, u just always think that there is someone else , but in reality there isnt. This is ur mind telling you to search for things when ur heart is afraid of losing him, did u understand that? I went thru that face but only to find out that there was noone else it was true , i had found the one and i wasnt going to loose him.
GOOD LUCK
2007-05-15 18:41:47 · answer #6 · answered by sweetangel4400 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You gave the answer in your last line. You are questioning being with him. A mature adult would take responsibility for those feelings rather than looking around and hoping he trips up so that you don't have to be responsible to end the relationship. It is OK to feel how you feel. Why would you want to stay so close to someone you aren't sure of?
2007-05-15 18:33:49 · answer #7 · answered by Brent 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your unsecure with yourself.
You don't stop now, your future looks bleek.
You need to remember, there will be a time when a man will fell the same way about you. He may want to look in your personnal belongings to make sure you are not cheating on him.
Be wise!!!
2007-05-15 18:35:21 · answer #8 · answered by Leather 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are trying to find a reason to leave or to justify leaving him. If he has never given you any sign or you have never been jealous before then I would say that you are doubting your relationship maybe that there has to be something wrong.
2007-05-15 18:34:59 · answer #9 · answered by xyz 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You want to find something wrong with him as an excuse to leave him. Save the poor guy the time and heartache and dump him now. This is destructive behavior, and if you want to be with him you need to quit this, if not, tell him soon.
2007-05-15 18:36:44 · answer #10 · answered by SillierKimmy! 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋