I have never cheated on my husband and never would, we both were stupid kids when we started dating and hurt eachother with jealous games but that was a long time before we got married. Now we have been married for almost 6 years and he can not get stop accusing me of cheating. If I take to long at the store I am out with another guy. If I go out to lunch with a girlfriend that must really be a guy...and so on. He even came to me crying the other day that he had a dream I was cheating on him. Just now he was on a website "Signs your spouse is cheating" We are in our thirties now and have two kids, when is this going to stop! What can I do to make him believe I haven't and wouldn't ruin our family??
2007-05-15 10:43:40 · 16 answers · asked by ? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
A lot of times people will accuse you of doing things that they are or are capable of doing.
I think he is worried that you have cheated first and may be a candidate to cheat himself.
I would turn it around.
Sit him down and say something like this.
"What if I was accusing you of cheating all the time and every time you were out, you were cheating on me. You really aren't, but I don't believe you. What would you do to convince me that you are being faithful?"
That ought to help him move his thought to your shoes and you can work out the issue together.
If it's a good idea, best answer me baby!!! LOL
2007-05-15 10:54:31 · answer #1 · answered by brettj666 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is got a problem with jealousy and until he resolves this through counselling or therapy it will never change. He will think this until he gets help.
I thinnk the best thing to do is give him an ultimatum. Meaning tell him get some help to get over this jealousy and other crap or lose me forever.
Tell him you have dealt with enough of these accusations and other BS and you cannot continue in a relationship if
the person you love don't even trust you, or believe what you say to be true.
God Bless and Good Luck.
2007-05-15 10:51:28 · answer #2 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, there probably isn't anything you can do....outside of counselling. His imagination is working overtime. I was in a relationship for 16 1/2 years....never cheated; but I was accused all the time. In fact, reading your question sounded just like my situation. I was accused of cheating with almost every guy at work....taking too long at the store...just talking to a guy, I was cheating. I finally kicked him out. The bad was outweighing the good. It was a year in March we split and I still love him. He was the love of my life.
But after a while, you just can't take it anymore. I'm sorry, and I hope you can get him to go to counselling. Best of luck to you.
2007-05-15 10:51:14 · answer #3 · answered by Sue S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a boyfriend like this. The truth is you have a choice. A) Accept this abuse (yes, this qualifies as controlling and border-line abuse). B) Leave because he's not going to change on his own no matter what you tell him until you do cheat where he can say 'I told you so'. C) Therapy. He has some major security issues. From what? Well, maybe its left over from those games you used to play, maybe he's feeling guilty, maybe its just that he's in his thirties and is feeling like he's not as great as he once was. Whatever it is, therapy is just about your only chance of working this out.
2007-05-15 10:57:13 · answer #4 · answered by S_Gnat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing you can do will stop this...he has very real security issues and is dragging you into an abyss of explaining yourself .... very controlling, isn't it? I subscribe to the "where there is smoke, there is fire." Somehow, I would start asking him to account for every second he is away from you, and keep it up..if he runs down to the corner, tell him he took a long time for the run..where was he? IF he goes to work, and doesn't arrive home at exactly....?? time, make him explain where he has been. I suspect you are going to find that he is judging your apples by his oranges...it is a funny thing about us humans...once we stray, we suspect our mates of doing it all the time...I suspect this man has stepped out on you and thinks you are doing the same thing.. I think I would keep my eyes wide open, ask lots of accusatory questions...what's good for the goose is good for the gander. Hop to it now.
2007-05-15 10:50:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He seems insecure about himself not on you. The only and best approach is going to marriage counseling. If you don't do it soon who knows your marriage will fall apart. Trust me I caught my husband talking to girls behind my back and who knows what else he's done. And I don't have trust in him and always have doubts when he steps out of the house. We have been married for over a year now. We are newly weds and we are having problems so early. I know what your husband is doing and taking it out of proportion and what's going happen he's going to push it to where you are going to cheat on him. Not because you wanted too because he made you do it. If sitting down and talking doesn't work then seek counseling. He needs to realize that you are a devoted wife and mother.
2007-05-15 11:03:17 · answer #6 · answered by racinimod 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do yourselves a favor and set this loser free. He'll probably find someone he trusts and you can free yourself of this whinebag guy. The only alternative is for you to eat everything in sight and start dressing like a slob and stop bathing so you're so repulsive he would never believe anyone would be attracted to you anyway......
2007-05-15 11:39:38 · answer #7 · answered by H W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a delicate situation. I think you're doing all you can do. Talking from personal experience, he will never trust you until he can trust himself first. I mean he really sounds insecure. You sound like a good person, and eager to please, however this situation might not get any better. You have changed enough because of his insecurities. If he doesn't realize that, appreciate that, & let you live your life without fear of what he "thinks" you MIGHT be doing. He might need some couseling for this. Good luck!!!
2007-05-15 10:52:31 · answer #8 · answered by WhyNotMe 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have the exact same problem. He freaks out almost 99.9% of the time I go get dinner, do grocery shopping, etc.. Even if i hurry it does not matter.
So I told him that since he thinks that happens when I'm out, then he has to come w/ me wherever I go, I made it hell for him, so now he does not freak out as much, and if he does I just completely ignore him until he calms down.
Hopefully this works for you. - L
2007-05-15 10:55:23 · answer #9 · answered by Lisa S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The man is extremely insecure. Sounds like he has it in his mind that you are cheating and nothing is going to change his mind.
Sorry, I don't have a solution for you except maybe suggest he get couseling.
2007-05-15 10:48:37 · answer #10 · answered by Earl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋