this smth i wrote......be brutally honest if u must:d
"I'll be the demons you cannot conquer,
The glimpse of sorrow you cannot escape,
I'll be the rain stripping u to the bone,
The burning anger you wish was gone,
I'll be the reason you hate everything you own,
The nightmare haunting you till dawn,
I'll be the one feeding on your fear,
The night holding you ever so near,
I'll be the poison running through your veins,
The thought torturing your brain,
I'll be the pain you cling to survive,
The blank soul you cannot revive,
I'll be the numbness taking over,
The fire underneath to you ears like thunder,
I'll be the wish of death you hold onto,
The dream you just wish you can get to."
2007-05-15 09:55:18 · 10 answers · asked by Noosha 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
wow,i really like it.and i usually dislike everything - =)
2007-05-15 09:58:50 · answer #1 · answered by ♥livingdeadgirl♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a little teen-angst-drama-omg for my tastes, but it is well-written. Kudos on your spelling and punctuation (in the poem, not your question). The first half of the poem doesn't flow as well as the last half, though. It looks like right here: "I'll be the pain you cling to survive,
The blank soul you cannot revive," is where you really go into the swing of things. Try rewriting the first part to match the flow and syllables present in the last half and it could be even better.
2007-05-15 10:00:32 · answer #2 · answered by gilgamesh 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like somebody has some serious issues. Wish I'd had that one for my ex wife. Fits to a tee.
2007-05-15 10:19:39 · answer #3 · answered by sarge 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cholorform in print . Dark, depressing, black, bleak, daunting, dejecting, depressive, discouraging, disheartening, dismal, dispiriting, distressing, dreary, funereal, gloomy, heartbreaking, hopeless, joyless, melancholic, melancholy, mournful, oppressive, sad, saddening, somber, upsetting.
2007-05-15 10:01:34 · answer #4 · answered by Brite Tiger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, i thought it was pretty good....but the last line needs to be a little different to sound better......i liked the anger of the poem A LOT.
2007-05-15 10:00:32 · answer #5 · answered by Blah 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds good?
2007-05-15 09:57:12 · answer #6 · answered by Davie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need therapy for what ever is going on in you life.
2007-05-15 10:09:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i stopped reading it after the 1st line
2007-05-15 09:59:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can only say, that if I recieved this from someone, I would feel very threatened.
2007-05-15 10:15:03 · answer #9 · answered by kayboff 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
original, i likez.
2007-05-15 09:57:55 · answer #10 · answered by wolvie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋