What to do?

Question

Ok here is the deal I have been married for over 15 years and I am still in love with a x boyfriend from 20 years ago (we still talk, he always finds me) I feel that he is my soul mate and he feels the same way one problem I am married and he is also involed with someone. I would love to be with him but would it be fair to ask him to leave her if I leave my husband or just going on with the way things are and always remenber the one that got away.

We really never did break up it was just when we were dating he wasnt really for a comitment (he just got out of a bad relationship) so even though we dated for a while there was really never that title, I was ready to settle down and he wasnt ready yet he wanted to keep it the way we were and I wanted more, after talking a few years latter we both realized there was more to our relationship than we thought and he was already to late I got married by then. As far as my marriage it has been over for a over a year now and there is really nothing to work on and no I am not in love with my husband any more. Even if this guy was not in the picture I would stil be filing for a divorce,There was to much mental abuse in my marraige . I am not a attention whore for one, and yes I am a christian but I also beleve that the Bible says how to treat your spouse and abuse is not one way.

Answer 1

it all sounds idealistic and wonderful but your should if you are going to leave, leave because it aint working with your husband. Not because there's another man lined up that doesnt give you any room to really know what it is you do want give your self time on your own get to know you again and time to decide one way or the other. If you jump into another relationship and it doesnt work you are then very much alone and for what!!! a dream of what used to be.

Answer 2

Answer: Just go on the way things are.

Why? You've spent 15 years building a marriage and a life with your husband. It wouldn't be fair to your husband, or your x's girlfriend if you tried calling things off. Think about it, what you have is a crush right now, yeah, even though it seems like you two are compatible, you havent spent the last 15 years with him day in and out. You and your husband have a foundation...where I'm sure if some else (aside from your x) came in and tried to take you away, you wouldn't even consider it because you've been married for so long. I'm willing to bet, that if you got with your x, the foundation wouldnt be as strong, and you or he would leave the other in a heartbeat if something better came along.

Also remember, marriage is a sacred union. I don't know what religion you are, but if you're of any Christian/Catholic denomination, it would be a sin against God. God brought you and your husband together..."What God joins let no man separate (Matt 19:6)"

Answer 3

Before you do something so foolish you need to think long and hard of what you may be throwing away for something that may not work out. 15 years is a long time to invest in a marriage and then throw it out like last weeks garbage. 20 year crush? Who's to say things are or will be the same as the way they were.People and things change. Children? Who will be hurt the most from all this?You are letting your hormones rule...Think of your husband.The love you have shared. If you and this old boyfriend were so in love,why didn't you end up married 20 years ago? Don't be foolish..

Answer 4

Why didnt you stay with him in the first place? If you are no longer in love with your husband then leave him but dont do it because you think the grass may be greener on the other side of the fence. 15 years is a long time 2 give up on. would you even think of leaving your husband if the other man was not in the picture.

Answer 5

Make sure its what you want and not just some relationship you think got away. Married for 15yrs is a long time to give up over someone you were in love with 20yrs ago. Have you spent a month with this ex lately. What if you give up your husband and realize you shouldnt have. I would think long and hard before making and decisions.

Answer 6

If he's your soulmate, why did the two of you break up in the first place? Why continue seeing this man and you are married?

Go on with your life and consider this man as the one that got away and cherish the marriage that some people would give up a lot to have.

Answer 7

That desicion is just yours, but keep in mind that FRIENDSHIP is way different that a MARITAL relationship, you may find that what attaches you to your ex is a very nice friendship that may not work as a relationship. One thing is to talk over the phone get a cup of coffe with him once in a while, and some other thing do your husbands laundry, and paying bills, ecc. Try to focus on what is really going on in your head and make a desicion that would make you happy.
Good luck

Answer 8

why would you marry someone when you were inlove with someone else? Marriage has to involve giving your whole self to someone, and you didn't and that is not fair to your husband. I suggest counseling so you can find your true feelings

Answer 9

Fix your marriage or get a divorce. Anything else is wrong.

Go talk with your husband about what is wrong with your marriage TODAY.

Answer 10

If you left to be with him, chances are, you'd be back on here within a year, telling us what a huge mistake you made. I would cut off contact with him......who cares if he finds you...get a restraining order.....and face your problem....you're an attention *hore.....get some counseling before you hurt and throw away a perfectly good husband.