My ex-husband, also my daughter's father, recently became serious about asking me back. He's always hinted around and I never thought twice about actually getting back with him but for some reason, this time feels a bit different. It's been almost 12 years since we've been divorced. I'm lightly considering it but feel if we do get back together that it's just going to feel weird. Any suggestions on how to handle this?
2007-05-15 09:34:12 · 33 answers · asked by da6dark6angel6 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thanks so much for all the answers. While I'm in no rush to jump the broom, I am taking it EXTREMELY slow and considering why we divorced and all that jazz. The truth about whether he's changed or not will come out at some point. Thanks again!
2007-05-15 10:06:56 · update #1
12 years is a long time to be apart from him. He has obviously changed, but so have you. Things are different now and 12 years of living separately has got to have caused huge changes in you. You arent the woman you were 12 years ago. You have learnt a lot. You have learnt to become strong and independent. If you are contemplating going back with him, then at least date him for a while to see if you are compatible with him. You need to see if you still love him....that is the only reason you should be thinking about getting back together with him. I think, if you analyse this, you may be surprised at just how much you have changed. Take care.....date him first...and date him for quite a while before you tak the plunge.
2007-05-15 09:43:39 · answer #1 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sure the first time you divorced him was because he wasn't a good husband. Now after 12 years what makes you belive that he has changed and wil be a better husband to you. Just remember that there has to be a reason that you two got a divorce in the first place. You had mentioned that if you do get back together its going to feel weird, well if you were certainly that this is what you really wanted then it wouldn't feel weird so there is your answer. Run away as far as you can. Also stay away from your ex- husband. You do not want to make the same mistake as you had done before so just run.
2007-05-15 09:58:25 · answer #2 · answered by beenie 21 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After 12 years, i would hope you both have learned something. People can change. Maybe he realizes what he wanted, he had 12 years ago and not smart enough to know it then.
I know, he is an ex for a reason but, that reason was 12 years ago. And you must have some feelings to be considering this.
I think i may move slow on this and see if the old problems that caused the divorce in the first place is still their.
The law of averages says that if you do something long enough , you will get caught. So, you may want to give him a chance to show his true colors.( Again, slowly )
Good luck
2007-05-15 09:44:13 · answer #3 · answered by shyone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who initiated/asked for the divorce? Remember, he and you haven't changed in 12 years, maybe grown up a bit, but the same things he/or you didn't like about each other still exist. I'm not saying it couldn't work, but DATE first. And realize he may be tired of being on his own and the "comfort " of marriage looks better than being alone. Trust me, that's not a reason to get married.
Yes, it will be weird, to start over dating. But better that than to jump to the altar and find you made a terrible mistake and have to un-do it all again.
Plus, your daughter may not be real keen about Dad being part of the family again - don't know her age but adolescence is a tricky time to change a child's world - even if you think it's for the better, they may not. A new house or a new neighborhood may not be embraced by them. Sharing your existing space may not be embraced by them.
Trust your heart, go slow. Have coffee. Have lunches. Date. Take your time. You don't have to make a decision about marriage at this time.
2007-05-15 09:48:09 · answer #4 · answered by Laurie C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I personally don't believe that people change all that much! For example, once a cheat, always a cheat, etc.....Plus if daughter is still young, she'd have to go thru that all over again if things didn't work out! And if daughter's already grown, I suppose you could ask her how she would feel. But I personally think you divorced for a reason & I would feel too wierd to marry my ex!!! NO WAY!!!
2007-05-15 13:56:56 · answer #5 · answered by ♥bigmamma♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say that you need to examine why you divorced in the first place. Whatever the reason(s) was, has that now somehow changed? If it hasn't then why do the same thing expecting different results? If it has, then why not go ahead and give it a try, life is short, you know him, he knows you and you share a child. It may just work this time. Good luck.
2007-05-15 09:38:35 · answer #6 · answered by Brandy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would think about what caused the divorce in the first place.....i mean people grow up, and things might have changed since it has been a while, but I would consider eveything before going down that road. your daughter might get hurt if having to go through a divorce again.
2007-05-15 09:38:54 · answer #7 · answered by kllryan 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been there and NOT DONE THAT! My ex asked me back after 5-6 years but, because of the reasoning behing our divorce which was infidelity on his part x 3, I felt I would never trust him again. Even with time to heal, he managed to damage a very necessary part of my heart when it came to dealing with him. I had to decline dating him again but, because of his desire to stay close, I opened my heart to being friends and that has worked out well.
So, long story short, think about the reason behind the demise of your marriage and consider how you felt them because you could face those old emotions again and you don't want to go there if they were terrible.
Also consider what it will do to the child if it fails again.
Sandy.
2007-05-15 09:42:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Are you attracted to him and would want to date him if he was not your ex? Has time changed the reasons or conditions you divorced him for?
If you would date him, then do just that. Start from square one and see where things go. You find there is nothing there, or that he is the one. If you are not ready to date him, then decline his offers and move on.
2007-05-15 09:45:21 · answer #9 · answered by o_s_c_c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
12 years? Wow. I guess he could of changed. Ask yourself why they two of you broke up in the first place. You both should have grown up enough by now. How would you feel about him if he wasn't your daughter's father? Does he make your heart go tippity-tap or go flat? Be realistic and take a good, long, hard look at the realities of this, darlin'.
2007-05-15 09:38:42 · answer #10 · answered by smecky809042003 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋