My husband and I have been having some serious problems these past few months and I have been considering getting a divorce. We have a 2 year old daughter together. The problem is that my husband keeps threatening to have a private investigator watching me at all times after we divorce and to take my daughter away from me the moment that he catches me or hears that i have had another guy around our daughter. He has basically said that I either have to stay with him or live by myself until our daughter turns 18. Can he do that? He also says that I'd be lucky to get joint custody because he says that i have cheated and the thing is that i havent cheated on him and he has no proof that i have other than what his family has told him (they are more or less out to get me too). I live in Tennessee and have been told by close friends that tennessee is a "mother's" state. What do I do? What can I do? What kind of life and relationships am i allowed to have after divorce with a child? Help!!
2007-05-15 08:34:59 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He has also said that the court will take my daughter away if i have another guy living with us or we are living with another guy and we are not married. So I more or less have to stay single or live alone. Believe me, i know hes just trying to feed me a bunch of bull to get me to stay, but i dont want to keep my daughter in this bad situation. we are constantly fighting. i am totally for a child being able to see their parents, but i am not up for staying in a bad marriage and exposing my daughter to such verbal violence. thanks to all that have responded so far. you all have been lots of help. feel free to share similar experiences please!
2007-05-15 11:00:24 · update #1
He cannot stop you from seeing someone else and having them around your child after the divorce is final. He's dreaming. If you feel marriage counseling won't help your marriage, contact a divorce attorney, NOW. Also, start documenting the threats he's making, especially if they are on a voice mail! If he doesn't have proof of infidelity, don't worry about it. If he doesn't have proof that you're a bad mother, or have mistreated or abused your daughter, I wouldn't let him ruffle your feathers. He's all talk...
Good luck!
2007-05-15 08:43:19 · answer #1 · answered by Proud to be 59 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
He is intimidating you with threats that may mean nothing in court. I assume you are not a drug user and have not boyfriend to gum up the works. If he has the $$ for a private I then he has the means for support. I do not know Tennessee as far as the laws go, but visitation is will generally be awarded bases on the availability of the parents to care for the child as well as the parenting plan that the two of you can come up with. If he has this attitude with you, he likely is the less preferred parent for Primary. In addition, he is likely the higher wage earner and will pay suppport until until our child is 18 or out of school, or until 19 (state laws dependant). don't be defensive. If you are not doing something you are accused of, leave it at that. It is obviously time to move on. Find an attorney and get rid of this guy. If you own a house, many attorneys will take a "lien" against the house and are paid when sold or mortgaged.
2007-05-18 04:49:00 · answer #2 · answered by Ted B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds almost exactly like what happened to me. I was in a co-dependent marriage for 13 years, and we had a two year old daughter. One day I just had enough and told him I wanted him out of the bedroom and that I was filing for divorce. He started to threaten to have me followed, take away my daughter, started bringing up past (petty) mistakes I made, etc. He is just trying to intimidate you so he feels as if he has all the power. My advice is to hire a lawyer that will accept progress payments, just in the slim chance that you reconcile you won't be out too much money, and explain the situation to him or her. Also make sure to have an airtight custody agreement drawn up along with child support payments. My ex and I are still going with a verbal agreement we made three years ago and for the most part it's been ok, but in hindsight I would have gotten it in writing.
Good luck to you, girlfriend, and it will get better!
2007-05-15 09:04:27 · answer #3 · answered by Pink1967 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't let him bull**** you. For some reason men think women are their "property" and no one else can have them. I went through the same thing. A divorce is the end of the marriage and he does not own you. It will be difficult for him to take your daughter away from you so just keep your head on straight. Get a good lawyer & stick up for your self. Address issues like becoming invoved with other people, and how that effects visitation - you will wanty to have a clear idea of how someone he dates will interact with your child, right?
As far as other men - you will need time to heal ad with a young child you shouldn't get involved with anyone anyway for a couple of years.
2007-05-15 08:45:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
After a divorce you can have any relationship you want to have. Now, if the guy you have relationship with is a convicted sex offender, or a drug dealer. He can take you to court and try and demeen you and unfit mother. You still have to be a good mother. No drugs, or beating the kid or not taking care of the kids. If you are cheating and he gets a detective while you are married it is adultery. There is alot of stuff out there to catch you now. I know I used it to proof adultery on my ex and my youngest sister.
But after the divorce no body cares.
Just so long as the children are in a good home.
2007-05-15 08:41:54 · answer #5 · answered by springer 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he really wants to control you, whether you stay with him or not. First off, he has no say about who you choose to spend your time with - whether married or not. You are your own person regardless. Second, even after the divorce - while he may not want you bringing another man into your childs life, eventually people do move on... My advice on this subject is to be wise about bringing new men into your childs life. She has had enough instability in her life already (referring to after the divorce, and likely a move). If you can't count on a man to be part of her life for a substantial period of time, don't bother bringing him home to meet her. Kids get very attached, very quickly. Also, you should consider getting a divorce attorney. Chances are he will get one. If he has one and you don't, you're in a bad spot, and the divorce will likely be slanted WAY in his favor. Good luck to you both!
2007-05-15 08:57:25 · answer #6 · answered by loving father 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
toddlers have a not elementary time understanding why their international, as they realize it fairly is unexpectedly torn aside and that they now not have a mommy and daddy who stay at the same time and with them. between the main elementary issues a newborn rationalizes is that the divorce became into brought about by applying something they did. they don't fairly understand what it became into, yet they experience responsible yet another difficulty that would influence the newborn's psychological well being is they nonetheless love the two mothers and fathers even nevertheless the mothers and fathers are not any further in love with one yet another. whilst between the mothers and fathers speaks undesirable approximately the different to the newborn and tries to poison the newborn's concepts against the different, the newborn feels responsible for loving the different be certain. whilst a newborn is put in the middle in a tug of warfare they don't understand who to believe or which thank you to pass.
2016-11-04 00:39:25 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
FIRST DON'T GET CAUGHT WITH DRUGS,ROB ANY BANKS,OR COMMIT ANY FELONY. HE'LL HAVE A VERY LOUSY TIME TRYING TO PROVE YOU UNFIT.EVEN IF YOU DID HAVE AFFAIRS WITH SOMEONE ELSE. IN THE EYES OF THE LAW THAT IS HUMAN NEED ,IF ITS NOT HAPPENING AT HOME ,ANYTHING YOU DO AFTER THE DIVORCE,IS NO ONES BUSSINESS.AS LONG AS ITS LEGAL. THE CHILD IS UNDER THE AGE OF 12,MOTHERS ARE THE NURTURING PARENT IN THE EYES OF THE LAW.HE DOES NOT STAND A CHANCE TOUGH SH** FOR HIM.
2007-05-15 09:26:31 · answer #8 · answered by namelark 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You cannot have your daughter taken away from you for dating. He is making idle threats. Can he have a PI follow you? Yes...so what. Can you date? Yes. Can he get joint custody? Maybe depending on your situation. Call an attorney.
2007-05-15 08:41:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have only had problems for the last few months, try to work it out.... There is nothing good about a divorce when there are kids involved...
2007-05-15 08:46:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋