Am I too young??

Question

I'm only 19 and will be 20 in october.
My boyfriend recently asked me to marry him in december but ever since then I have been having problems with my family.

They all tell me that I'm too young and that I'm screwing up my life and that I need to worry about other things then starting my family this young.
I really dont know what to do, I love him with all my heart ans have never been happier.
Should I just let then know that I'm not letting him go and that this is my life not theres.
I want my family in my life but dont want them to hold a grudge against me.

Answer 1

I got married at 19 and I am so glad I made that decision. If you know that your boyfriend is the one that you want to spend your life with, grow old with, work issues out, and be with til death do you part then I definitely think that you should marry him. I also think that your family will get over everything. I know you know in your heart the right thing to do. Maybe you need to wait a little while to marry him or maybe your family will get over it. Follow your heart, sweetie!

Answer 2

I think your family has some legitimate concerns. Statistically speaking marriages with people that married young do not last.
I think parents also fear that is you get married, you will not pursue you education, career etc., the same way that you would, if you weren't and in fact, this is usually the case.

You also need to consider that you are constantly evolving and changing, just like all of us, but the younger you are the faster and more often you change. Who you are now, how you feel now, what is important to you, goals etc.. will change rapidly over the next several years. In short, he may love who you are now and you may love who he is now, but in a few years he will not be the same and neither will you.
If you really love someone and you are both committed to each other, what's the hurry? There is such a thing as a long engagement. I know a couple that have been engaged for ten years and lived together for eight of those years.

Answer 3

So what are you doing right now? Are you in college? Are you working? I think your family wants you to be sure you have some kind of profession so you can support yourself and your family if it is necessary -- and today it is necessary more often than not. Relationships aren't as permanent as they used to be, even though you think they will and swear to love each other forever. Then reality hits. Your family just wants you to be sure this is the real thing and not infatuation. Go for a long engagement and see if that works. Getting married doesn't necessarily mean you'll be starting your family early. You will be 21 in December, which is not too young to get married. It's old enough to make your own decisions, no matter what your family thinks.

Now here is one question that hasn't been addressed: What does your boyfriend do for a living? That could be the deal breaker in this. If he has no steady job, that is a red flag, and could be why your parents are wary.

A long engagement should be able to give you time to resolve these issues.

Answer 4

I married my wife when she had just turned 19, but I was nearly 30, and your man is 20. I think your folks may be more concerned about this aspect. I have a 19 year old daughter and if she came and asked what I thought about her marrying a 20 year old I would be somewhat cautious and a lot would depend on his background and prospects. That may be harsh but if he was at Oxford and the son of an Admiral I would be a lot happier than if he was working as a truck mechanic. But love is blind and you are without doubt in love. And you are old enough to legally do what you like. Your family love you and will not hold a grudge but if it all goes wrong they will have that "well we knew it was wrong from the start" kind of attitude. Tell you what. Ask them flat out if your guy was 30 and a lawyer if they would say no, because I bet they wouldn't. My belief is you are not too young, he MAY be too young but your folks are more worried about the guy than your age. Be well and use your critical analytical brain - try and see it from their point of view and ask yourself if I might just be right.

Answer 5

Usually a good rule of thumb is that if you're old enough to make your own decision on the subject, then you're ready. Then again there have been some kids I know who got married at 16 and definately weren't ready for the comittment!

I'm about the same age as you and might go through the same thing in a few years. How long have the two of you been dating? My suggestion is this; try having a long engagement. Getting married in December and being 19 will cause problems. You're already starting to have arguements between family members, and while they might go away there is still the fact that this may scar your relationship with your other loved ones for life.
Waiting for things makes them better! Let your boyfriend know that you love him and you want to marry him, but you don't know if you're ready, and a way to prove your love is to wait a few years. Sometimes things change, and this may help your relationship out, expecially once your family sees that you are willing to hold off for them.

I hope this helps! Good luck! :)

Answer 6

Marriage is never easy no matter how much you love the other person.
You both should make a list of goals you want to accomplish both as individuals and as a couple make sure you both can talk things out.
Remember just because you are listening doesn't mean you lose the battle. You would hate to get married and have kids and then look back and wish for something different.
You are still young and are going to have different phases from now until about 25. It's all apart of life.

Answer 7

If you think your too young to get married, then wait a couple years. It won't hurt..
It will NOT ruine your life, people who say that are stupid, period.
It's YOUR life and you have the right to do whatever you want, if your parents are against it, they will soon get over it you just have to give them time...
I would suggest sitting down with your fiance and your parents and having a very long talk. Let them know again how much you love this man and want to be his wife, that it's your life and they should respect it and so on...
I married young as well, i got married when i was 18 years old and my husband was 20, we were best friends for about a year befor we even considered dating eachother, finally he told me how he felt as i did to. from that point on we referred to eachother as boyfriend and girlfriend, we lived with eachother from the very beginning and a month after dating eachother we were married and i can tell you this...I have never in my life been happier, i knew he was the one i want to spend the rest of my life with and we have been happily married ever since....
My family too was against it at first, they were upset, but they started coming around, they found out how good of a guy he was, they saw how much happier i was, and they noticed i had more accomlishments in my life since i got married and shortly after coming around to the fact that there little girl was married they started talking about my husband and i having a little baby girl...
Listen it may not be just about you getting married, it may have alot to do with them loosing you, you know? They may not be ready to loose you yet afterall your there little girl...Just be very careful in making the right decision, think things through, and figure out if this is really what you want. If it is then go for it, don't do it for anyone else, don't not do it for anyone else, do what YOU want, do whatever makes you happy!
It will all work out for the best!
Good luck and congradulations:)

Answer 8

Ok, well I'm going/went through the same thing. I'm 18 years old by the way.

19-20 IS TOO YOUNG.

Talk about marriage all you want. It feels great to talk about it, but it should just be talk. If you're very serious about it, being engaged is just fine. You can still enjoy yourselves and not be married. You have to enjoy yourselves and each other fully before such a step. Live your lives together, experience new things, new activities, go out, simply have lots of FUN together.

At this point you have to live life for you, not him. If he's a big part of your life, that's a beautiful thing, but don't let him BE your life. When you're both ready to commit to each other you'll be #1 on each other's lists, no doubt about it.

It's called having the best of both worlds. You can still come home to each other, and still enjoy yourselves without the commitment. Trust me, you WILL know when you're both ready. It'll be so worth it, I swear.

Me and my girlfriend are engaged with no plans to get married anytime soon, and we couldn't be happier.

Answer 9

I got married at 19 and let me tell ya its a hard road to travel. Why don't you have a nice long engagement, go to college, get a degree and then get married. That way you don't have to give up your honey and it makes your family happy as well. I don't regret getting married, i only regret doing it at 19. I really wish that we would have waited a few more years. Just sit down with him and talk about the longer engagement. That way you can also save money for the wedding or a downpayment on your first home together.

Answer 10

I got married when I was 20 and was divorced at 24 with one child and another on the way. If I could go back I wouldn't have married him, I would've waited until I was 25 or older. Take your time, you are young. Put some money back, start saving, raising children are not cheap. Travel together see some places, because once you do have children you're going to become very familiar with all the kid places. Wal-mart, the parks, all the kid movies,ect. I'm not saying that is bad either, but enjoy your younger years first.