Would you be insulted if a mother refused you to hold her baby?

Question

Im going to visit my co workers soon and worried they will want to hold my baby, Im scared for germs, Im scared theyll drop her.. I would kill them I think.

Anyway we can tell people politely that I dont think you should be holding my baby?

What about my 14 year old sister in law?
She loves to hold my baby and last time she tried holding her she almost slipped out of her arms I FREAKED inside.

I dont want my sister in law to EVER hold my baby again. AM I causing trouble for nothing ?

To Jenn : Why so much hostility? You probably arent or ever will be a mother............ let's hope.

Answer 1

Hey sweetie, you have every right and reason to not trust others with your baby. Don't worry it doesn't make you a bad person. Maybe wait until your baby is old enough to sit and stand upright?

They shouldn't feel insulted but yet respect you. If they disrespect you in any way just because you won't let someone hold your baby, they aren't worth your time.

Answer 2

There used to be a commercial about this. The mom started off saying that when her baby was brand new, she didn't want anyone holding her baby. There was a picture of her holding baby and dad trying to take the baby, but mom wouldn't give her up. The commercial cut to the baby a year later, an active little thing. The mom smiled as she handed her to someone else and said, "YOU take her!"

That said, I think it's normal to have anxiety (maybe that's not the right word) over others holding your baby. I also think that you'll be more comfortable in time. Just go with what you're comfortable with. When you visit your coworkers, put baby in a sling or wrap carrier. For some reason, other adults don't ask to hold babies who are in the sling.

Ask those who do hold her to wash their hands first. I used to make fun of myself. I said "You know that I'm a nervous new mom, so indulge me and wash your hands before you hold my daughter." If you just make fun of yourself (even though we all know you're right), people will do it. If someone tries to blow you off, then you can put your foot down. It's rude to ask to hold a baby without washing your hands first.

Answer 3

Put your baby in a sling or wrap and people will be a lot less likely to ask...

That said - how old is the baby? I think people should keep their hands off for at least the first month. I'm not "scared of germs" but I don't need them passing them to my baby either.

Have your SIL sit down on a couch or the floor to hold your baby - and anyone else for that matter. It's your baby! Holding her should come on YOUR terms!

Answer 4

I think it's completely fair of you to be protective of your child. I'm guessing if you're going to visit your coworkers that you're still on maternity leave, which means the child is still quite young. Do what you feel is best. A carriage, a sling, a jumper, whatever you need to do to keep the baby close to you, feel free to do. Also, if someone asks about holding her, you're well within your rights to say, "You know, when she gets a little older it'd be great if you wanted to stop by and hold her, but with so many people around, I don't want her to end up being passed around." I think that leaves it open for other people to understand that you don't want everyone holding her, without them taking personal offense to it.

Answer 5

I had the same dilemma when I had my baby 5 mths back. I was very cautious when my baby was younger than 1 mth old.

What I did was I prevented visits and bringing the baby out in public so that noone would hover over the baby.

As for you sister in law, shes only 14 BUT she didnt drop the baby did she? Maybe next time, try to have her sit down when she holds the baby.

Answer 6

You could ask them politely to wash their hands before they hold her and be sitting. Adults are usually much more capable of holding than a 14 year old.
Or don't take him/her out of or even unstrap him/her from the car carrier. That's what I did the first visit to the office.
Second time I was a little more lenient with people that I was okay with holding her.
But this last time, this nasty B. who I know for a fact does not wash her hands after she goes to the bathroom, reached up and touched my daughters face...I had to put the "crazy mommy" evasive move on her. Why do they always wanna touch their face or hands! two things closest to their mouths! I almost went ballistic.

Answer 7

I did not want people to hold my twins so I told them that because they were more susceptible to germs that I could not let anyone hold them until they were older. Most people found this to be acceptable and did not get offended.
In fact when at church because I cannot trust my in laws to not just pass off my babies I refused to even let them hold the babies. They were the only ones who got offended. But frankly, I did not really care.

Answer 8

How old is your baby? I would say that if you take her into work in a stroller, and leave her in there, no one should try to pick her up. Otherwise, just say very nicely that "she doesn't really want to be held right now."

As far as your SIL, I think you probably should let her hold the baby, otherwise you may hurt her feelings. But just tell her that if she wants to hold the baby, she has to be sitting down.

Answer 9

Your choice - completely - If you are worried about insults - blame your doctor :) This was one of the big things both docs told me (OB and pediatrician) - Explain that your docs said you needed to limit handling until baby is older :) If they don't believe you - too bad, it's their problem -

As far as your SIL - I think you (or your hubby) need to tell her point blank that she needs to be careful when she holds the baby and insist that she be sitting while holding the baby until you BOTH are more comfortable with her holding the baby. Just be honest - but I don't think you can limit or exclude her from your child.

Answer 10

Keep your baby in a carriage and people will be less likely to want to hold her. Also, just be polite and explain if someone asks that you are worried about your baby in all the commotion and would rather she stayed in the carriage. You'll be fine! You are a new mom, so you have every right to worry.