I have a question about a new marriage?

Question

I got divorced awhile back, and I left my ex-husband the house and most of our possessions. I moved into an apartment and took the kids. I got remarried about 6 months ago and moved into a new home. I just don't feel quite comfortable I feel like I live in his house with all of his things. I cant seem to call it home because I have always had a house of my own. I am also pregnant and I think this is adding to my feelings because you want to "nest" when you are having a child, but since I don't feel like this is my home, and everything in it is pretty much his, I feel very uncomfortable. He doesnt seem to think that I should feel this way and doesn't understand. I think its because he is not in my situation. Any thoughts on how to make me feel at home?

For the moron fugitive-
In what way is it complaining when you are talking about the way you feel. I am there aren't I maybe you should read the question closely so you can give an answer that makes sense. Your answer has nothing to do with the question.

Answer 1

I'm not sure of your financial situation with the new baby and all, but go out and buy a few things together...some 'our' things, not 'his' things..

Even just small touches can make a big difference. Add your own personality to the mix. This is YOUR home now, and you should be able to add your own touches!

I'm sure your feelings are worse due to being pregnant....but it's probably just magnifying the problem. You'd more than likely feel this way regardless.

Try just small things.....or even things for your baby, anything. It might not take a lot of effort to make a big difference!!

Congratulations on the new marriage, AND on the baby!!

Answer 2

Hi, I just got married May 5 and up until then I lived in a big house with my family - my children, my mother who's ill and my younger brother. It was packed and though it seemed easier for my husband to move in with us (easier to move one person than 4) I was ready to move on and start my life again and be the "woman" of the house. I still help my family financially and I don't live far away. I'm in the process of moving my things into my husbands house - which is smaller but quaint. I'm not taking any furniture, only clothes and things the kids want to bring. I feel as if it's "home" because my husband has always said "my place is your place" even when we were just dating. I spent many nights and weekends at his place and now it's home. He was a true bachelor with a nice place but some hideous decorations. He's told me to take everything I don't want down and he'll sell it at the flea market. He told me to re-decorate as I see fit, that I was now the woman of the house and he did what he had to do as a single man but now he's more thanhappy to let me take over the home. I feel completely comfortable because of that. Talk to your husband, ask him how he feels about your re-decorating, making the space feel more like "you" and making a home for the two of you. If you really just feel uncomfortable, perhaps you can sell his place and buy a new place that will be both of yours? Good luck.

Answer 3

He probably thinks that everything that is his is yours anyway. Its hard being independent because you like to know that you contributed too. Right now selling the home and buying one that you like is not a real good option, but maybe buying some new furniture that you both choose and arrange it how you want may help. Put some photograph's of your own around the house. Buy little trinkets and place around the home. Make it more homey. Buy some placemats that you like, paintings, that sort of thing. Maybe even suggest re-painting the inside of the house. You have to make him understand how you are feeling, but just remember this is a new situation for you too and it will take time to get used to. But I think a new paint job, a new bedroom suite, new furniture would be a good start to making you feel more at home. You have to make him understand that while you appreciate the fact that he doesnt understand (men dont seem to think like us...lol), push the fact that these are you feelings and you ARE feeling uncomfortable. All he has to do is to understand that your feelings are real....he doesnt have to find logic in them, just understand them. If a new coat of paint and some new furniture will make you feel a bit more at home, then surely he wouldnt mind coming to a compromise.

Answer 4

Why did you marry him if he does not make you feel like a part of his life? It sounds like you think of yourself as a visitor in his home, yet you made the choice to give up your previous home to your ex-husband.

When you get married all property becomes ours rather than his or hers. If that does not happen then you do not have a good marriage.

I would suggest that you work with your husband on changing some of the decorations of the house to include your taste together. That should make you feel more at home. You should also look into your own feelings and make sure that you married this man because he is your best friend and someone that you share everything with.

Take care,
Troy

Answer 5

I can relate to you. I was in the same position when my husband and I got married. You need to stop thinking that way if he doesn't think like that or else it's going to put up a wall between the two of you. You can start by putting your name on the title of the house. You just need to contact the title company and have him sign a couple of things and it's done. If he is opposed to that idea then you have a problem. You can also redecorate a few things to reflect your taste and make you feel a little more at home. I hope this helps. Good luck!

Answer 6

The best way for you to feel more comfortable is to work on the nursery together. If there's just going to be a crib in your room, kind of decorate that corner together for the celebration of your new infant coming. You are right to believe that your pregnancy has more to do with this then what it is - also your still adjusting to being newly married & moving.

Try your best to combine your pesonal items in with the decor and be sure to ask his opinion of "how does this picture look hung on this wall" - etc., etc. - be sure your not asking his permission - that's a whole different situation & we won't go there - your newlyweds with a baby on the way.

One of things I did to make myself at home in my new house was to finish the bathroom first and take a bubble bath. Look at your new place and if there's anything you could do to change it and make it feel more like home - do it - after all paint is just paint & sometimes that's all it takes.

If you are planning a nursery - go nuts and go shopping together & make sure you decorate the room together - it's a wonderful experience!

Answer 7

Take a little time to put some meaningful things around you. Maybe family pictures or things that you find comfortable and homey. This should make it feel a bit more like your home. Just remember that when you married him, everything that was his became yours,too. That's what marriage is about, sharing everything through life. It is your home, just put a few things around you to make you happy and to give it more of a "you" feeling. Good luck with your pregnancy.

Answer 8

With the gorgeous weather we've got coming on, I'd ask him if he'd be ok with a yard sale.....let him keep the items he loves the most (I'm sure he has his favorite chair) and sell the other items......explain your desire to make it "our" home, versus "his" home.....that way you both can go shopping together.....

I went through (am going through) this very thing. Both my husband and I have been married once before, so our furniture is a hodgepodge of his and my "former" lives.....I can't sit on the sofa, or at the dining room table, without thinking of his exwife......although she has wonderful taste, and the furniture is great (and more expensive than I could or would pay for it)....it isn't "mine"......

We're slowly bringing in our own items, and I am also planning a big sale this summer......

Answer 9

You have to start somewhere. Maybe everything seems to be his now but as you live there you will add things that will make it more yours. This is something you should be working on together, making a home together you both like. Women are usually the decorators anyway....give it time.

Answer 10

You need to go on a shopping trip, so to speak! I'd suggest going to mother's, or if they live far away have them send you something from your parents home. When we first start out in life with a new marriage, or a new home we always bring something from the previous home....and when we put it on the shelf, or the wall, it feels like home and comforts us. Go on a shopping trip and find things with good memories to incorporate into your new home with your new family. It will take time to establish roots in your new house, but you will and you are. Soon you will have memories of bringing your brand new baby "home!"