What is the proper was of acknowledging a step parent?

Question

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I was married, divorced and remarried. Blended family...his kids call me mom because I am the only role model in their lives, my son calls my husband by his first name instead of dad. He is actively involved with his father though. My husband feels he should use Mr. with his name to show respect instead of just spouting off his name. Is this too impersonal for a child? I am torn on this.

Answer 1

I have never heard of a child calling his stepfather Mr. , and I would find it very odd if they did. And yes, I personally think it's way too impersonal. Mr. is an address that is used for those outside your family. And I think every time your child is required to use it, it will serve as a reminder that step-dad is not his family and it appears he (step-dad) wants it to remain that way. That's just my personal opinion.

With that said, your son definitely shouldn’t be required to call him Dad (or any variation of it) either, because he has a Dad who is an active part of his life. I see no reason why he couldn't call step-dad by his first name...that’s what most stepchildren do. And frankly, I wonder if the real problem might be that step-dad is a little pissed off that your son isn’t calling him Dad.

Answer 2

Every family should decide this for themselves. To call your step-father Mr. or Mrs., though, is very old-fashioned, almost Victorian. It may create respect, but it also creates formality and distance.
Talk with your husband and find out if he prefers to be simply a financial support to your children, or wants more of a "parenting" role. Perhaps his demand for "respect" stems from an insecurity about playing second fiddle to their "real" dad, a feeling that he will never measure or be as accepted/important to your kids - he might need less "respect" if he knew he had more "love."

Suggestion: have your children and husband brainstorm new names for him - not a first name, but not "dad" either. Perhaps they'd get a kick out of calling him "Papa Joe" or "Daddy Joe" or even a silly made-up name like "Googly-bear."

Answer 3

Wow. Mr. is way to impersonal. I know that your husband will never be "dad" to your son, and its wonderful that his biological father has active involvement with him. I just feel, and of course others might disagree, that if you want a relationship to blossom between your son and your new husband then some of those barriers need to come down. It was fine for him to call him "Mr." when they first met, but in most relationships, those formalities are lessened over time to create closeness and trust and comfort levels.

Good luck to you,

Jordan

Answer 4

well my sister has step kids that call her momma lea and her daughter use to call her step dad by his first name but since he's been the only father in her life for the last 7yrs she has been calling him dad for the last 4. I think your husband shouldn't feel offended by it but be glad that your son has a relationship with him. Most boys in a divorced household take longer to come around to having more than one father and father figure and it can cause them personal confusion. My husband's parent's divorced and his mom married the marriage counselor that was suppose to be helping his parents so he had a lot of anger against his step dad and would not acknowledge his as his step father but as his mother's husband.

Answer 5

Being a stepson, multiple times. I have never called any of my steps mom or dad that was reserved for my parents. And as far as the Mr. thing. Tell you husband to get his head out of his @ss and smell the coffee. Just be a role model, not a discaplinarian. that is the role of the bio parents.

Answer 6

Your child should not have to use Mr. when speaking to your husband and he's a jerk for even thinking that! That's just going to put a barrier between them two and not allow them to form any kind of relationship. I call my step mom by her first name and we have a great relationship. He has a father and doesn't need to call your husband dad. You need to talk to your husband before it gets too out of hand and you end up losing your husband or your son.

Answer 7

Sounds like your husband might be upset because his kids call you mom and yours call him by his first name. I was raised by a step father and he was always Dennis no MR anything. My kids call their step dad Jon or dad depending on the day of the week. MR is a form of respect but a tad to formal in a home life. Does your ex refer to your parents as Mr and Mrs?

Answer 8

A child should not have to call their step-parent Mr.. That's for unrelated young people to address your husband. In the south, we use Mr. as a way to blend respect with familiarity when youngsters address adults.

Or if "Dad" isn't appropriate, perhaps another term of similiar meaning (a term of endearment or nickname) would be appropriate...Pop or something of that sort?

Answer 9

Your husband is being extremely anal. Why should YOUR son HIS stepson call him "MR"? A step parent is only once removed from parenthood do HIS children call him "mr"? I suggest you discuss the fact that YOUR son is as much of YOUR family as HIS children are and that YOU expect HIM to accept YOUR son as part of HIS family the same as HIS children. He is trying to set your son outside the family unit is all, HE is not accepting your son as part of the family. HE is the one with the major problem. Why wasn't all of this worked out BEFORE you got married? Had it been myself and this came up there would be no marriage, if my child could not be thought of as part of the family. I don't see any reason to be "torn". Your child is your FIRST priority.

Answer 10

It does seem a little too impersonal. If your son feels comfortable he could call him Daddy _____. instead of mr. If his is showing respect in other ways, the the mr shouldn't be necessary. You might want to find out if it might be a jealousy thing. If he wanted your son to call him mr. ____ then he should have introduced himself that way. If your son is not respecting your husband's role as a parent, then you might want to discuss that with him.