How do you help a child that fights being helped?

Question

My stepson is 14 and has severe ADHD. He has mood swings from being like an elementary school child using baby talk to a angry adolescent. When things don't work perfectly for him he feels like everyone is cheating him. He has medication to take but he has gotten rid of it and hides his pills. His school work is suffering and he has alienated himself to every one of his classmates and teachers. He is too old to be spanked and does not care about any punishment given. Now he says "why do I care about my grades", "maybe I don't want to pass the 8th grade". I love him to death but it seems he wants to do everything in his power to set himself up for failure. Positive reinforcement does not help and reverse psycology does not work either. Help!!

Answer 1

Beat him with a stick!!!

Answer 2

First question? How long has he been your stepson? Are your the stepmother or stepfather? The reason I ask is to determine if you can do anything. If you've only been his stepparent for a short time then you are fighting a battle that has evolved and you may not know what occurred to cause him to behave in this manner. The only suggestion I could give without knowing you or him is family counseling. The family should go and speak with a child psychologist and tell him of your situation. Hopefully the therapist will set up one-on-one sessions with your stepson to find out where the root of the problem is. He then can give your greater suggestions. If a child does not speak in these sessions this too is a learning tool for the therapist to ascertain if the child is doing the negative for attention....Remember attention is attention even if it's to release disappointment or punishment. As far as the attitude at school and with others...... Have you asked yourself why you and not the actual natural parent isn't asking this question. If you are the stepmother, most men don't have time for a child's negative behavior and just send them back to their mother because they only deal with the problem at intervals. If you are a stepfather..... He may see you as part of his problem.

Answer 3

Dear Ol' Dad...first let me encourage you to do a little research...ADD/ADHD are results, not disorders...they are dis-eases of the body created by storing more toxins than it can healthfully cope with. Reversing this should be priority ONE.

Get a few contractor's garbage bags & head for the food/cleaning pantries. Throw out, without exception, everything that contains any artificial anythings, nitrites & sulfites, refined sugars within the first 5 ingredients, or ingredients that you can't recognize at all...bleach anythings, or that has a warning label that says keep away from children or use in a well-ventilated area only....never purchase these again...educate yourself on alternatives, and leave the sugars for treats & once-in-a-blue-moon type things...you'll all see huge differences in moods & ailments just from this simple change for the better.

Next, your son is in the midst of teens...remember??? His search for common sense in anything he is being confronted with is dwindling to rarity. Show him where it can be found...ask for his assist when doing bills & let him see the math, reading, & figuring necessary for the task...also provides a good reality check for the future. Take him fishing...give him some soul time in the woods...or other hobby of focus...golf (a driving range is great for frustration release), join a shooting/archery club, or model cars that you two can create your own designs & upholstery for...projects around the house where he can use geometry, and tool skills...while reading the paper, or a Playboy mag, ask him his thoughts on current events & articles....See??? Get him thinking on his own...let his opinions matter, no matter what they are right now. In all things, let him see that there are choices to be made and consequences (good & bad) that come from them...let him see, let him think, let him be & grow.

Once the diet change kicks in, which only takes about 2 weeks once most of the toxins are released & cleaned-up, and you start providing him tools to challenge him, you will be giving him all you can...hope for the best, Dad...your shoes are big ones to fill, but worth every effort by you when they eventually fit...they may not be tied, they may track in some mud occassionally, but that's okay...you will reap great hugs for giving them to him. LOL

Answer 4

Your son is not only in the throes of hormone hell , he's got a disability, adhd, which makes him impulsive and emotional and not really good at goal setting. He's got a bad image of himself and he doesn't know how to handle what is happening around him.

Perhaps you need to go with him and talk to his pediatrician or family doctor about the pills and why he's hiding them or not taking them. Maybe they have an adverse effect on him that only he's aware of.

Next maybe he needs to repeat the grade he's in. Holding kids back when they're in this kind of emotional upset may be in the long run beneficial to him. Explain it like a ball player being sent to the minors to hone his skills more, then he can come back to the big leagues.

Do you and your wife belong to any of the learning disabilities associations? There are parent support groups for kids of various ages, maybe you need to talk with parents who have gone through this with their teens and they have some stratagies they can offer.

You could also look into the possibility of sending to a school where they work with adhd kids and teach them stratagies on coping.

My god son had severe adhd and for two years before hs, went to a specialized learning disabled school to help him learn to cope with his adhd and other things. Michael is 28 now, holds down two jobs, has had a modelling career and is one of the nicest people I know. He has tons of friends all over the world, but those pre-teen years were really rough on him and his parents.

You have to understand that adhd is a disability, like any disability and before you or he can progress you each have to understand what you're dealing with. Punishment is going to make your step son better, if anything it will make him more resentful.

Show him movie stars, entertainers, sports personalities, politicians who have had adhd and are successful and actually utilize what were considered negative traits to become more successful. Tom Cruise, Cher, Bruce Jenner, Nelson Rockefeller, Winston Churchill, Thomas Edison all had some type of learning disability but they learned ways around it to become successful.

You have to display more patience too and more understanding. Get the help both you and your step son need, he'll be ever so grateful later in life.

Answer 5

You do what feels right, no two children are the same, and if he feels like hes being forced he'll more than likely rebel. I suppose its a balance between making him realise that its him hes hurting and making sure it doesnt go to far. Most children (even without ADHD) let there grades slip at some stage, and i remember telling my mum i don't care about my grades, but i think i was just crying out for attention. I hope this helps.

Answer 6

you let him go and make sure you protect him. i don't think there is anything you can really do other than open his eyes to the consequences of his action if he continues giong down the wrong road.

Answer 7

Get him into therapy, and yourself into a support group.

Spanking?

That's hardly going to help in this situation.