Death of your best friend?

Question

Eight years ago, when I was 11, my best friend died from carbon monoxide poisoning. I was devastated and haven't really recovered. It almost seems like her death has been hitting me harder lately and I don't know why. Is it because I am older and really understand the concept of death, or because I haven't been to her grave more than once since? I am also very guitly because before she died, we were not getting along. It became one of those stupid middle school fights and I was mean to her because of a different group of girls. Is there any way that I can ever get over this horrible feeling? anybody else have a similiar situation. I can't stand this feeling of regret anymore.......

Answer 1

the guilt feelings stems from the fact that before she died you had a disagreement i might call it. offer a prayer for your friend and visit her grave if you can, bring some flowers and talk to her and ask for forgiveness if need be. eight years ago was long time but you can still feel the guilt in some way. after this, you can move on with your life and you will feel a relief. good luck!

Answer 2

You probably do have a better concept now of the finality of death because you're older. But you're letting old guilt bother you. She's not at her gravesite, she's in heaven. I am sure your friend in heaven doesn't hate you for that , she probably didn't hate you even when it was happening. Disappointed in you maybe . Children do foolish things and you were still a little girl, even though you were in middle school.

Having lost the vast majority of my family in the past 20 years with some friends along the way as well, I've come to the conclusion that our loved ones don't carry the hurts from the earth to heaven. They just remember the good times and sometimes in dreams and in other ways let us know that they are ok and it's all right.

Don't feel guilty but hopefully you've learned from your mistakes and treat people differently now than when you were younger.

Cherish the good times you had with your friend and don't obsess over the bad times.

You'll see her again one day I'm sure.

Answer 3

A good friend of mine died 6 years ago today. Was stabbed 3 times while working the night shift at a 7-11 in Canada. He died from internal beleeding and massive loss of blood. I did not get a chance to say good bye (hoever my parents went to the hospital and go to see his parents). This has hurt me every year since his death. It's not a s bad now, but it's still hard. He and I had dated and had a bad breakup. We were rebuilding the friendship when he died.

Answer 4

It's impossible to say why this seems to be backing up on you now.

When we don't deal with things, they bob up later. Could be a simple as having seen someone who reminded you of her.

Try reading some books on coping with death. Many have stories and suggestions of things you can do to move on.

People have done things like write a letter to their loved one, saying all the things they wish they'd said, apologizing to them, and otherwise getting their feelings on paper.

Then make a kind of ritual of getting rid of the paper.

As I say, there are writings on these kinds of things; pick something meaningful to you (even if you think it sounds silly to others; if you think it will help, go for it).

If you think visiting her grave will help, perhaps there talking out your feelings about her, then do that.

It IS harder when you were estranged at the time of death, what with the guilt and all. Those are the hardest to come to terms with.

But wasn't that a relatively small part of your whole relationship?

As best friends, you probably had a lot of good times, and you brought her a lot of happiness and comfort and support.

If you keep not getting over this, see a professional. (If you're in college, there are probably services on campus; if not, and money is tight, find one who charges on a sliding scale. Professionals have helped others cope with this sort of thing.)

It's just not right for you to have this drag you down for the rest of your life.

Answer 5

Feeling regret is completely normal when grieving. There is many different "types" of deaths.
There are expected deaths (deaths of people with terminal illnesses), expected-unexpected deaths (such as people who die of old age), and unexpected-unexpected deaths (deaths of young, healthy people such as your friend).
If any of that makes any sense
People grieve differently when faced with different events. I witnessed my father's sudden death at fourteen. I also had a very close friend die of a drug overdose when I was 15.
It takes about 10 to 15 years for someone to completely recover from a sudden death of a loved one, so don't feel like your being a baby or something.

Answer 6

Your friend knew that you are a good person and I'm sure she loved you as a friend. You need to forgive yourself. Maybe going to her grave and saying some of the things you are feeling to her would help. I lost 3 of my closest friends in one year and it still devastates me from time to time if I allow myself to think about it. You need some closure and forgiveness. You are a good person and should not feel guilty.