Questions about husband what would you do?

Question

I love my husband with all my heart but I am slowly coming unglued. If I talk to anyone I am cheating, I set an acount up on our computer left him the password and he still accused me of wanting to find someone else. When I go to work he thinks I am cheating or trying to get with people there ( I am a waitress). I never do anything without him I go to work and come home and stay here unless he wants to go somewhere. His first wife had several affairs and I know that hangs in his mind but I am not and he always accuses me. Then there is him he will leave and go to his moms for the day and never answers the cell phone when I call, has another cell phone that his mom gave him and I don't even have the number. I don't t6hink he is cheating because he is always at work, home or moms but all of this has got me a nerous wreck. Having a lot of issues with my ex and if I get upset he says it is because I still care and I dont I only love him. What can I do.

I am not being blind the man doesn't have time to cheat, if he goes over to his moms and doesnt answer the phone I will go there and sure enough he is out in the fields or messing with the horses, the phone was because his mom wanted to be able to get a hold of him without going through me. He is always there when I need him sat at the hospital around the clock for 4 days when I was in there, sits at my job when I am working if he is off. He has always been insecure I know that I just need to know how to make him know I love him and dont want anyone else. I am not his ex wife and would never cheat.

Answer 1

It's really weird how people are angels until you say your wedding vows, then they totally change and become suspicious, manipulative, accusing jerks. If he was like this before you married, he's not changing. Counseling or divorce- pick one.

Answer 2

Dear girl,
How long are you going to let this continue? He will do it until you make it stop.
Just for amoment, don't think about what he is doing. Think what you are doing. You are allowing someone to accuse you, to control you with guilt and shame. You allow him to live his way, and not answer to you.You work, tend to him, and trust him, and you get nothing.
Of course you are a nervous wreck. Your body is telling you to RUN!
If you were my daughter I would say, come home, honey. You don't need to put up with that treatment.He is punishing you for what someone else did. He was not ready to trust another person yet.
If you love him and want your marriage to last, sit him down and tell him this treatment has to stop. He has to cut out accusing you, and get over his past. Offer to go to counselling with him to help him trust you. Then insist that he give you his other cell phone number, and insist that he check in with YOU too.
If he won't, you don't need ME to tell you why not.
My gut feeling is that HE is cheating on YOU and that is why he can disappear and not talk to you. His mother is covering or he is just flat lying.
If he was devoted to you, and trusted you and thought the world of you, he would not treat you this way. You are settling for shabby treatment and calling it "love."
If you could trust him, you would know those #s and you would KNOW where he is all the time.
Get out now, before you have kids to bash around.
Good luck.

Answer 3

Both of you have unresolved issues and should get individual & couples counseling. I am not saying this to be mean, but for starters - your "husband" is treating you like a child because he's never gotten totally over what his ex put him through.

I do not know how old you are or how long you have been married, but without that information I can only say this - married people trust each other, respect one another and do not need "mommy" - unless of course his Mother is in a care facility in which case the phone would be neccessarry, but you would have the #!

Answer 4

Wow...you have a lot on your plate! I'm sorry you're going through this!!! It sounds like your husband has insecurity issues, as well as jealousy issues. But I wonder if he was the same way with his ex and that's why she sowed her oats so many times during the marriage?? It also could be the obvious...she's a cheat! Regardless your husband is out of control...but he's in control of you, if that makes sense to you. I know that you love your husband, but you need to take a step back and "look" at the situation your in. Are you happy? Do you want to bring kids in this world with the current situation? Do you want to live like this FOREVER? Or do you want to be happy and feel loved? I'd assume be happy and feel loved... I think your husband needs more help than you can provide, he needs counseling if your marriage is to continue! It also seems that your husband has a double standard when it comes to phone, or leaving the house... You need to remember that part of being married is that you’re treated like equals with the utmost respect and love!! And I hate to point it out, but your marriage seems to be lacking in the love and respect department. You need to make a choice and decide if you’re going to confront your husband about his treatment towards you and get him (or both of you) into counseling, or if you’re going to leave and start a new life! Good luck in what ever you decide, but remember you deserve to be treated like a human being, not a object!

Answer 5

Hello you are sooooo blind. Yeah his mom gave him that phone so she can get in touch with him, bull@*#%. He has someone else on the side that is why it is so hard for him to believe you are not cheating. Do you know why his ex wife cheated on him and if so did she tell you that? B/c he is going to only tell it from his point of view. His mom may be helping him cheat. Take it from some one with experience. I said the same thing, he is always with me he always answers the phone, he is always with me, but to find out he was cheating, not with one or two, but several different women. Don't think moms do not help their son b/c they do...

Answer 6

Your husband sounds like he is exceptionally mistrustful and acting immature. I understand that he's been burned before but you HAVE to have trust in a marriage. It is not option. No trust, and the marriage won't last. Have you asked him why he behaves this way? Ask him what you do that gives him the impression that you are cheating and what you guys could do about working through his insecurities together.

If this doesn't yeild any results or improvement, I'd see about talking to a relationship counselor who may be able to help identify the problem and help you guys come up with a solution to it, together.

Good luck sweetheart!

Answer 7

It is very controlling behaviour. You should not have to live like that. You are still entitled to live your life outside of your marriage, having friends and even a guy friend is OK. Since he refuses to answer his cell, I would wonder if he is accusing you, because he is the guilty party? That's what the old textbooks always day.

Please do not fall victim to this. He needs help. It's abusive. You should go to counseling too.

Another thing to think about is learning about setting personal boundaries. This will help you to realize things and protect yourself. There are lots of books on this subject.

Answer 8

Sounds like your husband has security issues. You should try couples therapy. If money is an issue check with your medical insurance. Some cover that. But I don't understand why your husband has a second cell phone and why you don't have the number. It sounds like he's hiding something. You might want to check into that. Good luck!

Answer 9

Two words- Marriage Counseling. You are in serious need for him to resolve his issues and if he can't be open and talk with you about his fears then he needs to talk to someone else. I don't blame you for coming unglued. I would too when you are constantly being questioned. It is like walking on eggshells and that is no way to live your life. He needs counseling bigtime to help him deal with his past. He needs to learn how to let go and trust you and leave his past there or else he risks losing the marriage and your respect. I wish you the best.

Answer 10

Ooh, girl. I can feel your stress. You're married to a control freak. Control freaks are like bullies. They keep it up until they get a taste of their own medicine. You all have communication and trust issues. You all need to sit down and talk to someone. Have you tried to talk to him about all of this, and honestly communicated with him the things that are ungluing you? He's treating you disrespectfully and you need to give him some ground rules for what you as a person, a woman, his wife need to just have basic peace of mind. If he's unwilling to compromise or treat you with respect, its time to start figuring out what the two of you are together for. You've got to talk to him ... Godspeed. Peace.

Answer 11

Well, for the 1st thing.. divorce him. Cuz when someone accuses you of cheating, most likely they are doing it. He sounds like a bastard. Move on. And two.. having another cell phone and not knowing the number. Cmon. be real and open your eyes. Leave him.!