I have been through some very hard times in my life. My life would be easier if I married him. Right now I can't pay my bills and I am so lonely. I used to have a good job but I got fired 3 years ago and I have never found a job to my eduational level.
I've tried breaking up with him, but he said he would do anything for me.
People in other countries have arranged marriages and they learn to love their spouse.
Can I learn to love him?
Should I marry him. He has had his share of bad luck too and we seem to do better together
2007-05-15 06:01:21 · 9 answers · asked by Sally 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sally,
That's a great question. And I totally understand your situation of having experienced tough times, and it would certainly be "convenient" and "comfortable" for you to marry a man with whom you're so familiar with. But, I'd really like you to consider that you actually are stronger and able to produce powerful results in ways you could never imagine!
While it's true that people in other countries have arranged marriages and the majority of those marriages work, I really want to empower you to draw from your own inner strength. I'm sure there was a time when you were faced between stepping into the "unknown" in order to succeed or stay comfortable in the "familiar" where you chose to follow your heart and take a leap of faith. That leap may not have resulted in sweet victory every time, but during the times it did, I'm sure the success was just that much sweeter, no?!
Consider that rather than being in "survival" mode, there is indeed another way; by being in the inquiry of what's actually possible, you can bring yourself to a point where you can experience actual "choice" in the matter of your situation and relationship rather than feeling like you have to settle.
There's a great book called "The Dream Giver" which is totally inspiring AND, not sure where you're located, but there's an organization called Landmark Education - www.landmarkeducation.com , where you can attend free sessions centered around living a powerful life of possibility! Check out the website, in the courses drop down menu, click on "The Landmark Forum", type in your city, and the start date and you'll find the location of a nearby center where you can attend a free introduction/session to the Landmark Forum, which is a phenomenal course! The Landmark Forum is designed to have one actually identify those barriers that are in our way, which we can't see (since they're our blindspots), of having the kinds of things we want in life, and actually removing them so we can actually produce those results.
While the intro session is a great opportunity for you to create a breakthrough in your career and relationship, the Landmark Forum will totally empower you in producing the results you want!
You are a STRONG WOMAN! The fact that you have reached an educational level is an accomplishment! Start by really acknowledging yourself and being proud of who you are!
2007-05-15 10:14:45 · answer #1 · answered by partholemew 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you want to marry him for all the wrong reasons. Let him know what your current status is in life with all the bills and take it from there and always remember one thing you dont "learn" to love someone its a feeling that you get and over time it becomes stronger.
Good Luck
2007-05-15 06:21:36 · answer #2 · answered by mommyandbaby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you are doing is a form of prostitution.
1. Get some good therapy to get your life in order.
2. Keep this man at arm's length - tell him why and that you care for him - but you need to get your life back before you can be a wife.
3. Get a job. Any job. Work your way back up.
2007-05-15 06:16:21 · answer #3 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Arranged marriages work when your fellow family members are also in arranged marriages, and so are your neighbors. People then support each other and older married people teach youger couples how to make their arranged marriages work, both by communicating with them and by providing examples.
In our culture, you wouldn't have such support. Here, everyone believes you should be in love with your spouse and marry for primarily, if not exclusively, that reason. So, you'd always be looking around and feeling sad that you don't have love, and not knowing what to do about it, making it very difficult not to accept the attentions of attractive guys.
If you want to marry somebody you don't love, move to India. If you're staying in the West, though, don't try it.
2007-05-15 06:08:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
"If there is any doubt, you shouldn't do it."
That is a direct quote from Mr. Richard Gere, the great American authority on marriages that last.
Just kidding, but true, he did say that. And I think it is good advice. You only ask about love. You don't mention love. Marriage is for love, not just help. I'd say, no... doesn't sound like you're ready or even faintly WANTING to do it.
2007-05-15 06:10:38 · answer #5 · answered by Sleek 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im young and seen my mom go through dates until she met my step-dad. same as you, went through own share of problems, and do a heck of a lot better together.
If you love him...marry him...
thats all it takes, love.
2007-05-15 06:12:11 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't love him then don't marry him. Someday you'll get back on your own two feet then you'll be stuck with a man that you don't love and you'll hate yourself for it.
2007-05-15 06:06:47 · answer #7 · answered by B-andy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People do it all the time...they call the men SUGAR DADDY
2007-05-15 06:05:55 · answer #8 · answered by Star 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If you have to ask us the answer is NO!
2007-05-15 06:04:15 · answer #9 · answered by tamie4141 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋