I know if I take her to court and she wins she will make my sons and my life a living hell I'm thinking about just leaving with him and disappearing. and yes I have pictures of the bruise.
I believe she might have hurt him before but this is the first time my son has said that she did it . he is 11 yrs. old
2007-05-15 05:11:39 · 17 answers · asked by iberich1 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
ok so far some good answers and some that make me wonder . the reason he gave was that he didn't do his homework
I haven't confronted her about it because I don't trust myself around her my dad had to stop me from going after her when I found out . I know if I was to hit her the court would throw me under the jail even if she"needed it" as some of the answers have said about my son he is a good kid not perfect but I don't take it as personal attack when he disobeys me.I have never left any marks
on him on the rare times I have spanked him.
2007-05-15 06:01:05 · update #1
IF you take him and run. When they find yall and bring him back shes going to make your life a living hell anyways. You might as well do it the right way.
2007-05-15 05:15:42 · answer #1 · answered by lost_in_love_still 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At age 11, your son is not so innocent anymore and could very well be spinning you a story to suit his needs. Has he got anything to gain? A bruise on the leg happens all the time with children, especially 11 yr old boys!!
1. TALK TO YOUR EX. you might find out the truth isn't what you thought.
2. DO NOT JUST DISAPPEAR. It's against the law, it's also not in your son's best interest. He won't thank you for it in the long run.. he'll actually be more likely to turn against you forever. At his age, he is likely to want and say one thing one day and then change his mind the next.
3. what are you doing???? It sounds like you are putting your son in the middle of a nasty divorce fight.. think about your actions and what effect they have on your son. He's not stupid, he will quickly start to play both of you. Heck, maybe he even told his mother it was YOU that hurt him!! You owe it to all of you to find out the truth and talk about what happened.
I can tell you that 11yr olds are not as innocent as you think.. A bruise on his leg.. IF she smacked him he may even have deserved it. I am NOT condoning violence AT ALL here, but sometimes a smack is justified.He is 11!! Are you telling me he's an angel? What was he doing to get the bruise?
I would record the incident and keep the picture. Talk it through with her, tell her you've taken measures to report your suspicions and warn her to control her anger. IF that's what it turns out to be. But be clear that your actions will have an impact on your son forever.. and make sure you act in HIS best interest, not just yours.
If you really think she might harm him further and he's at risk, see a lawyer and the police right away. Don't push for sole custody on the grounds of one bruise though.. that's called retaliation, not parenting. You need to make the right choice here. Good luck.
EDIT: just saw your added details. Sounds to me like you also have anger management issues. There should never ever be a reason for you to hit your wife or any woman, domestic violence is never ever justified. Your son would find out.. and what lesson would you have taught him? It's ok to hit a woman? You say you fear she's been violent towards him.. but then you want to model the same behaviour? You've admitted to also spanking your son.. just because you didn't leave a bruise doesn't mean it was less violent than whatever caused the current bruise. Last month, for example, I found a huge bruise just above my knee. I had no idea how it got there. As a child I was beaten senseless.. yet never bruised. Just something to think about..
2007-05-15 05:33:49 · answer #2 · answered by Aussie mum 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask her about it. If she gets defensive, let her know you will be asking your son how he is every day. don't take him and disappear because then you will lose him if they find you. But don't think too much, do you think she is abusing him? If you suspect call the authorities right away. but if it was just a smack, i understand, I have a 12 year old and she has a problem with mouthing back and I remember smacking her on her leg for it once, but it didn't leave a bruise. I'm thinking that maybe something along the lines of this happened and since he's a boy, a slap will probably not do anything to him so she probably hit him with a slipper or belt. sometimes they just push your buttons, and you don't like the way they behave with you. She doesn't act like this with her father, because he's no nonsense but with me, it's a whole other story and he doesn't believe its the same child. Give her a chance to explain before you take action though, children have a way of making themselves look like the victim when they have done something wrong.
Good Luck
2007-05-15 05:21:33 · answer #3 · answered by EVIE 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to think things over so you don't do something you might regret.
Find out more about the incident. Your son has his side of the story, and you have a photograph of a bruise. Talk to your ex and have her tell you what happened.
Chances are, the stories will not be the same.
Kids can be just as manipulative as adults, and maybe she was disciplining your son....That is why it is SO important to get as much information as possible- so you can have as many pieces of the puzzle.
If you have suspicions that this might have happened before, talk to a therapist or counselor before you call the police.
Try to have your son talk to you, and tell him you cannot help him or protect him if he is not honest with you. Scared kids will not talk so he must feel not threatened by you.
Good luck....Seek help.
2007-05-15 05:41:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well now that depends.What did the kid do?There are certain situations that a good smacking is called for.Whether it leaves a bruise or not.
My mother-in-law has 6 adopted boys and I have had to snatch all of them up before.I left a bruise on one.
You do not disrespect adults.Any child that puts themselves in a situation where they are intimidating an adult desreves a little smackdown.The one I am talking about.Told my mother-in-law to got ot hell you f-ing b i t c h.
U nacceptable.Sometimes kids overstep there boundaries and need to be put in there place.We as adults need to quit trying to get people into trouble for disipling there kids.Bruise or not.If they deserve it.Then they should get it.
Now if it is for something stupid like they wouldnt pick up there toys or something like that.Then yea you got a problem.If you have custody leave with him and protect him
If he deserved it.Then man up and make him take it.Like he should
2007-05-15 05:34:00 · answer #5 · answered by kenneth h 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Do u know the difference between SPANK and BEAT???
Did she beat him or spank him?
And did he deserve the punishment?
Kids always will take the path of least resistance and will manipulate to get what they want, or to get outta what they did.
I'm not sayin she shoulda left bruises...cuz u can spank without that. But maybe she did spank and the kid moved and got bruised by accident.
Lotta questions u should be askin about this situation. It would be best to check both sides of this story before goin out on a limb.
And don't run away...it never works man. U gotta face this stuff.
Just make sure before u take any heavy action, that this issue ain't caused by the misbehaviour of your kid.
2007-05-15 05:25:23 · answer #6 · answered by Travis M 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would recommend getting th full story from the other side. I have two children and liv appart from the family because of work, but sometimes the kids will play the parrents against eachother. Have i spanked my child and left a red mark or bruse. yes and i felt very bad about it. did they deserve a spank yes.. but my kids know they messed up and move quick hahah... cant catch them anymore haha
2007-05-15 05:18:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Walk into your towns child protection office and take your son, they will see the bruise contact her and she will be required to take parenting classes. This is common to someone who has limited skills. Its not a court issue unless she refuses, which she won't. Trust me this is the way to help her and protect your kid.
2007-05-15 05:38:05 · answer #8 · answered by kim 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well ask your son if she has hurt him in the past if he says yes and you keep up with the pictures of your son's bruise now than take it to court. You'd more than likely win the case for child abuse.
2007-05-15 05:16:15 · answer #9 · answered by blabber_mouth626 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have taken him right away to child services and report it. Taken pics and let your son give a statement. He is old enough to explain what happened. If you have not abused him. I think that you have a better chance. Not because she is the mother means she has to win. Get a good lawyer. Good luck. she doesn't deserve him.
2007-05-15 05:24:59 · answer #10 · answered by The Chic 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋