my husband cheated on me for a whole year with another woman. i have suggested counseling to get help us move on, but he refuses to go, saying that he does not want to re-live the experience. i am trying to work it out with him because i love him, and i dont want to ruin our child's life. But, i am still suffering and am unable to get over the affair. I have tried church, praying, and we even tried counseling before i knew for sure that he had cheated (but he refuses to go now). I feel that the only way i can truly get over it is just to go cheat on him, and then maybe i would feel better, more desirable, and atleast i would have gotten even and maybe even some enjoyment :) i have been faithful to him the whole time, but am thinking about cheating with someone from work. what should i do?
2007-05-15 04:42:05 · 77 answers · asked by eliza l 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
like Nike says......JUST DO IT!!!
2007-05-15 04:44:48 · answer #1 · answered by veryniserack 3 · 4⤊ 3⤋
My ex husband cheated on me also and personally, I don't think it's something you can ever get over. I think its great for those couples that are able to work through it and move on, but I know that for myself I could not. I think that counseling is definetely needed if you choose to work it out. It takes women longer to "get over" these types of things because we don't see an affair as just sex like men do. We are hurt more by the emotional bond that they have formed with this other woman.
You will not solve anything by going and cheating on him and it probably wont make you feel any better. You will feel guilty because you are a good person and have a conscious.
Please remember that if you decided to leave him, that you would not be "ruining" your childs life. You may be "ruining" it more by staying in the relationship. Kids can see and figure out things that are going on. They can sense when things aren't right.
Try counseling on your own at least even if your husband won't. It will help you in the long run even with future relationships you may have.
GOOD LUCK!!
2007-05-15 04:58:05 · answer #2 · answered by Jerribear76 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Two wrongs don't make a right. Divorce him. Even if I could forgive the affair (which I would not) his refusal to go to counselling tells me that he had no interest in saving the marriage. Divorce is very hard on kids that's true but, it's even harder on them living in a loveless home where both parents are miserable. You don't want to give your child a skewed view of what marriage should be and that's exactly what he or she will have if you stay with your husband. Personally if I found out my father was cheating on my mother and that she stayed with him only for my sake, I would feel extreemly guilty and very sad for my mom and would no doubt have some serious resentment issues towards my father. At least if you go your seperate ways there is a chance that you can all be happy.
2007-05-15 05:27:42 · answer #3 · answered by ♪ ♫Jin_Jur♫ ♥ 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Cheating on him doesn't mean that you're going to feel any better, if you really can't get over it, then i'd suggest that you and him don't have a future anymore, especially if he's not prepared to "re-live" it. I know that it's not easy considering you have a child, and you don't want to ruin their life, but you have to consider that mayby staying with your husband, or cheating on him, might also have consequences that could ruin your childs life. Personally i know how you feel about thinking cheating might be the answer, but i don't really think it is, i believe that in the short term you might get some positives from it, i reckon long term you'd be left with all negative feelings.
2007-05-15 05:32:48 · answer #4 · answered by dezchamp 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Ooooh that is a tough one. I think you should leave his a** personally and it seems like you are a good person w/ a pure heart. I'd hate to see you corrupt yourself just because you married someone who doesn't understand the sanctity of marriage. It sounds like you are the only one trying in this relationship. If he cared about you and was truly remorseful he would do anything to earn your trust again including counseling. You won't ruin your childs life by leaving him but you will regret wasting your entire life on someone who didn't deserve you. I'm sure your child can sense that you aren't happy and that hurts kids too. I say don't stoop to his level but leave him and then get pleasure from a new man. A REAL MAN that won't cheat on you. YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!!!!!
2007-05-15 04:52:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Cheating is never the answer and will not make you feel any better. Think about the message that you are sending to your kids. You would be telling them that it is okay to cheat on the one that you love when times get tough. Think about the long run. Maybe you could go back for counseling. Talk to your husband about it when you get home he might just join you at some point. The counseling person could help you help him and maybe she/he could talk him into going. For the kids sake please think about what you are doing.
2007-05-15 04:52:41 · answer #6 · answered by sassy8_11 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Dont cheat on him to get "even". It will only make you feel worse. Not only will you be dealing with what he did to YOU, you will be suffering from the guilt of what YOU did to HIM. My husband had an affair, too, and he said the same thing about reliving an ugly part of his past, he dont like to talk about it. Women are different, we feel the need to talk about it. All I can say to you is what a good friend said to me, if he REALLY loved you and wanted this marriage to work, he would go to counseling. PERIOD. He has himself stuck in a position where he has alot of proving himself to you and winning your trust and respect again, and MUST be willing to do anything to fix and make it right again. Even if that includes counseling and "reliving" the past. Oh,well, he should have thought about that before he decided to have this affair. Now since he did have the affair, it kinda seems to me that he lost alot of say in things and that you kinda have the "upper hand" Dont abuse it and use it as a power trip, use it to the advantage of your marriage. I wish you the best of luck and if you ever need to talk or vent or cry, email me, I've been there, in your h*ell, for the last 8 months of my life and so know how feel. I wish you luck and happiness again soon. It gets better. Time heals all wounds, but make sure your husband does everything in his power to ensure that the process is faster than slower.
2007-05-15 04:52:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
He was fortunate that you stayed with him after his affair and you were willing to work it out with him. If he was to find out about your affair then you should take in consideration that he may not be so understanding. Your right though that once a spouse has cheated you never feel the same about that spouse as you had before. I don't think two wrongs make a right and perhaps you having an affair may just drive your conscience to a more destructive emotion then an I got even with you emotion. Continue to pray and give God a chance to work out your problems.
2007-05-15 04:50:12 · answer #8 · answered by auntkarendjjb 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you cheat because he did then you are being as shallow and cowardly as he is. If he did it to you and does not want to provide you with peace of mind, draw the line. Tell him counseling office or the divorce lawyers office and he will be paying child support. Sometimes you have to wake someone up; he may think you will never leave and he can do what he wants. I am sure you are desirable so do not let him get to you but do not stay with him only for your child, it will be worst in the end and the child will see it, trust me.
2007-05-15 04:47:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
He doesn't want to re-live it? He should've thought about that before he went and did what he did.
Have some respect for yourself. Cheating on him is a bad idea - even though I think he deserves it but, be mature here. If he won't go to counseling, he's not really trying too hard to make this work, is he?
Divorce him and THEN go have fun with that someone from work.
2007-05-15 04:46:40 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you should not cheat because the satisfaction you are seeking will elude you and what you will have really achieved is self degredation. Honey, if you can not get over this and if your husband refuses to meet you half way at marriage counseling, don't you think that as hard as it may be that it is time to move on? I know you love him, but do you love yourself? Don't you deserve better than this? I think you do. Don't sink to his level. Move onward and upward in your life and you will find a partner that will treat you with the love and respect you deserve.
2007-05-15 04:48:31 · answer #11 · answered by NONAME 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋