ok im 22 going on 23 and my boyfriend of 2 years is turning 25 soon. We somehow got on the marriage topic and he says that he wants and intends to marry ME one day, and wants to have a family with me but he definitely does not see it happening when we are in our 20's. He says he wants it when we reach our 30's. I've always been mature for my age and although i myself am not ready to marry today or any immediate time i definitely want to get to that level in my 20's..he assures me he's sure i'm the ONE..but we really disagree on the time-frame..do u think he will change his mind one day? or its a done deal that he has written off marriage and family to the 30's? Am i wasting my time if i stick with him for the next few years and we still don't move to the next level?
2007-05-15 04:39:58 · 13 answers · asked by ELLE 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would not wait around 8 more years to get married, if he loves and you says he wants to marry you one day then why wait 8 more years until your 30?? Will something miraculous happen on your birthdays when you turn 29 to 30 that you will somehow be ready for marriage??
I am 23 and my fiance is 24, we will be 24 and 25 when we wed next summer. I told him point blank...if after 3 years he was not sure about marriage and hadn't proposed then, even though I didn't want to let go of him, I would. Because 3 years is more than enough time to know if you want to marry someone or not. (As I was saying this to him, he already had the ring in his pocket lol) We were together a bit over 2 yrs before he proposed.
I would seriously talk to your bf and ask what exactly he thinks will be different at 30, I understand you grow and change alot between now and then...but if you are going into a marriage you should already realize that you and your spouse will grow and change forever and make a valient effort to grow with them! Isnt that what marriage is anyways? Growing, learning, changing, experiencing life together??
I would sit down and have a talk, tell him how much you love him and how much you wish to be with him forever, ask him what he truely thinks about marriage and why he has his 30's set in his head as a good age...maybe he has a good reason!
Good luck!
2007-05-15 04:53:56 · answer #1 · answered by Katie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Depends if your really in Love with him then it shouldn't matter how much time you wait. At least you know that the time spent with him was special, and you'll forever have it your memories. He may change his mind in a couple of years. But he's probably thinking that at least when your both in your 30's you should be ready and that hopefully the marriage will last forever and ever. He could just be being cautious because he wants everything to be just right.
2007-05-15 11:54:26 · answer #2 · answered by 24Special 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is a huge deal for most guys - in our minds this is a complete change of our lifestyle, never mind that you may have been living together for a year or so already. Women are taught from the crib that they will get married, have kids, make a home, etc, so this isn't such a change for them.
(Yes, I know I've oversimplified all of this, but you get the idea of it all.)
So plant the idea, and let him work it over in his mind for awhile. Don't push him on it - he'll be considering it when you don't realize it, and getting comfortable with the idea.
And whatever you do, don't try to trap him into marriage by getting pregnant, buying your own ring, telling your friends that he proposed, or anything like that. You may end up getting married that way, but you'll be married to someone who resents you.
2007-05-15 11:47:17 · answer #3 · answered by Ralfcoder 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he is afraid of committment and he is telling you that you are the one just to calm you down a little bit. He doesn't want to be married, he wants the single life. He doesn't want to be tied down. You guys have been dating 2 years and he doesn't want to get married for another 5-7 years...yeah, I would say that's a problem. Have a heart to heart conversation with him and maybe he will open up to you.
2007-05-15 11:49:16 · answer #4 · answered by Case 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You both are young,,, and in 4 yrs you both will be young still. If he feels he won't be ready, you should take that as a sincere statement. He isn't afraid to get married. He's afraid of getting divorced because of getting married at to young of an age. Its not your maturity he's thinking about,, but his own. He is wanting more time,, i doubt he waits till he's 30. My first love broke up with me because of not getting married when we were just early into our twenties. I thought it was I who she wanted to marry, but her goal was just to be married. Who you marry is more important than when.
2007-05-15 13:08:32 · answer #5 · answered by ckgene 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I hear you. I've been in a relationship for 3 years now and he always has an excuse why we should wait. It definitely gets old. I'm interested in hearing what advice people give you because I'm wondering the same thing you are...am I wasting my time?
2007-05-15 11:45:31 · answer #6 · answered by Mel 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
life sometime is **** up its been 12 years that I am whit my girlfriend and I love her to death but I don't believe in marriage . it not because I don't love her its just the way I feel inside of me im 35 and its not by pushing the one you love to do something that will help heither your just going to push him away instead of being happy the way it is.if thing are good the way it is why pushing it to the point of loosing him over a sing paper and a party that cost a lot of money for a marriage.
2014-01-19 15:05:47 · answer #7 · answered by Robert S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you need to ask him WHY. It could be a # of reasons, both positive and negative.
For the positive, he may feel, that's when he'll be ready....both in maturity, and financially.
For the negative, it merely gives him an excuse to the inability to commit.
Please truly listen to his 'reasons' before you make an assessment of your relationship.
2007-05-15 11:48:27 · answer #8 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No offense meant, I think you are just impatient.
I suggest you wait. At 23, I think there are still lots of things ahead of you (and him). Why the rush?
True marriage takes maturity.
2007-05-15 11:50:27 · answer #9 · answered by Ding 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you want to be married in your 20s and he doesn't - looks like you do not want the same things from life and you need to move on.
Do not beg him to marry you - he will resent it forever.
2007-05-15 11:46:58 · answer #10 · answered by molly 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋